Reflections on Cultivation: Learning Patience, Seeing Through the Tricks of the Mind

(Clearwisdom.net) In Israel I've had valuable experiences in improving Xinxing, and being with practitioners in a different environment helps to reveal many hidden attachments.

The other day I was walking to the market to buy some fruit and someone at the veggie stand yelled in my direction: "Take out the headphones!" I am used to walking on the streets listening to Master's Fa lectures, since I feel time is valuable and don't want to waste it. I thought about it, "Why did I hear that?" It was because when I listen to the Fa, I don't always feel present where I am and sometimes I use it as a form of escape from the reality right in front of me. There are many predestined people that Master arranges for me to clarify the truth to, and when I am not fully present, I don't always see the signs and it takes time for me to take the headphones out and pass them a flier. So, on this day I went to the market without the MP3 player and did a better job talking with people. In the past, my MP3 players would often break and I had to buy new ones, and I feel it is because I was overusing them. There were also times when I chose to listen to lectures instead of studying the Fa by reading, which was taking an "easy way out."

I've been spending time with a certain practitioner and being with him helps me see many of my attachments that I don't see when I am by myself. For instance I have a habit of making silly jokes. At first I did not think much of it, but later I noticed that I seem to have a subconscious desire to thwart reality when I make those jokes. For instance, when someone gives me a compliment, I make a joke to downplay what was just said. I think it stems from some deep feeling of insecurity inside, coupled with an attachment to escape that reality. Sometimes I tell a joke, something like, "I like my ice cream melted in a microwave the best," and another practitioner will believe me. When I thought about it, really, a trusting and open heart is purer than a mind that likes to thwart reality. It is like going to a house of mirrors: although they can make one laugh, ultimately they skew reality and make things not as beautiful as they really are-- just like modern art, which does not follow the traditional methods of depicting life.

I also have an attachment to feeling superior in some regards, as if I know things, when in fact I know very little. One time we were in an open field and the sky was filled with stars when we saw a satellite hovering in the nocturnal sky. A practitioner said that it was a falling star, but I knew that it was a satellite and I heard my own voice saying: 'How can you not know that it is a satellite?" and right away I could see my attachment of superiority coming up.

In "Fa Teaching Given at the NTDTV Meeting," Master said:

"Of course, I needn't say anything for you to be clear [on what you are doing], but when you are dealing with actual, real issues, you should not act rashly. The moment you lose your sense of calm, that's when you are apt to go awry. At critical moments you need to remember that you do this work to save sentient beings."

When I work with practitioners I see my own impatience. Now it gets a bit easier observing it, since the moment we start to work on something, I become very watchful of myself and observe that impatience in the form of annoyance and restlessness coming to the surface. For example, we read Master's article twice and then my fellow practitioner wanted to read the article for the third time before we started translating it and I said that three times is an exaggeration and procrastination, but he told me it is not, it is the Fa, so we have to really grasp it before we start working on it. I feel that doing this really helps eliminate impatience, among other things.

Master said:

"Human thinking has a weakness, and you have discovered this over the years while clarifying the facts. Namely, that the first idea that's accepted tends to stick. (Laughs) Once a person accepts a certain idea, he will then evaluate whatever comes afterward in light of it. This is a flaw in man's design, but in this setting of inverted principles, it is actually helpful to people in terms of eliminating karma via ordeals and eventually arriving at the truth." ("Fa Teaching Given at the NTDTV Meeting")

I feel that often I look at what is in front of me through the prism of the notions and ideas and experiences that occurred in the past. I started noticing that when my mind goes to past experiences, it is a form of dreaming, it takes me away from the present moment, from the experience of the present moment. I see how the mind likes comparing things. My mind looks at the sky in Israel and compares it with the sky in Canada or Ukraine. My mind looks at certain people at present and compares them with people in the past. A comparing mind is also a competitive mind; if there is no comparison, there is no competitiveness. I said that to a fellow practitioner and he said: "Why not look at the sky without comparing, just as it is?" A mind that works this way, if it first sees a pear and then looks at an apple, it will say: "This is not a pear." It does not see the apple directly. I feel that cultivation is learning to look at an apple directly, without comparison.

Once we were at another practitioner's home and that practitioner said: "A person I used to know is so wonderful, just as wonderful as this practitioner, only better, more intellectual and kinder." I reflected on this and thought, "It is the comparing mind doing that, and my mind does it too, so I have to watch it."

Sometimes I see an attachment of control revealing itself. Wanting to control is a form of aggression. Now whenever I feel a slight form of aggression coming up, I tell myself to surrender and let go. My life belongs to the Fa and I only wish to follow Master's plan, what he has planned for me, so what is there to worry about? What is there to control? Each day is planned by our Master, so I am just carrying out what was planned already.

These are just some of the things I see in myself that need to be watched during day to day life. Seeing and eliminating these things are part of cultivation, and that helps in doing better what we are supposed to do at this time.

Please point out anything incorrect in my understanding.