(Clearwisdom.net) I am a person who is serious about everything. I always want to clearly know who is at fault and what the details are, and then I conduct a "rational" analysis as to who has acted correctly and who has acted incorrectly. I also apply the same thinking to the day-to-day matters I run into. If I am wrong, I attempt to admit my mistake; if I am not the one at fault, I try to make it clear where the blame should lie. So, I have always judged things according to my self-acknowledged criteria, which I used to think was a fair and proper way of handling things. I thought that what I did was very right, very correct, and very fair. I believed that this was being "truthful." Even after having cultivated for so many years, I did not realize that this understanding was wrong.
However, to clearly see the causes behind an issue is often very difficult. It is very hard for an ordinary person to clearly understand and see the cause-and-effect relationship of certain issues. When I have a conflict with someone, if I always insisted in knowing all the details and then finding who was at fault, then I would have failed to follow "Truthfulness" and "Forbearance" and also may have unknowingly hurt others. This is my attachment of being too "serious" about things, which is, in fact, my being attached to my own self-interest. What I see may be just a superficial understanding of how things are. If I do not know about someone's personal background, then I may not know that something has caused the person to have trouble expressing him or herself. Just because things don't get talked about doesn't mean they didn't happen. This is something that I didn't know and couldn't understand. If I still believe, like the frog in the shallow well, that my analysis is the clearest and the most correct, how can I improve myself and expand my mental capacity?
Master said,
"In ordinary human society, people compete with, deceive, and harm each other for a little personal gain. All of these mentalities must be given up." (Lecture One of Zhuan Falun)
When I studied this sentence of the Fa in the past, I always paid attention to the first half of the sentence, feeling that I was not the one who would fight and compete with others or deceive or harm others, so I felt that this sentence of the Fa was easy to understand and I could certainly live up to it. Today when I studied this passage, I somehow paid attention to the words of "harm each other for a little personal gain." As a result, I have gained a new understanding. "All of these mentalities must be given up" is something Dafa cultivators must eventually live up to. Now I have found that my "being serious about things" is, in fact, a stubborn attachment of mine. What is hidden inside this attachment is my pursuit of a good reputation--I want others to say that I am very fair, dare to admit mistakes, and am truthfu). This drove me to form an unforgiving mindset when I was in the right, even to the point of becoming aggressive. My behaving this way is, in fact, due to my attachment to that small bit of self-interest and my wanting to protect myself. Due to this mentality, I may unknowingly have harmed others.
Today, this seemingly-simple sentence in Zhuan Falun has made me find a deeply-hidden attachment, an ordinary people's "habit" that I have rarely paid attention to. Although I knew that this habit was not good, I could not find the true cause, and I did not know why it was not good. Today I have finally dug it out. When I can really calm my mind while studying the Fa, I find that it is really the case that I have a different understanding every time. For the same sentence of the Fa, I see how I can gain different understandings at different times or at in different phases of my cultivation. I have really understood, at a deep level, why Master always reminds us that to study the Fa again and again.
August 10, 2009
