Progress on Getting Rid of My Obsession for Cleanliness
(Clearwisdom.net) I have a bad habit: Even though I, myself, am not exceptionally clean, I think everyone else is dirty. As a student, if someone touched my books or pencils, even though I saw and knew how it happened, I would get so mad that I would throw my pencils on the ground again and again until they were totally broken. If other people's kids came to my house and touched anything, I would feel sick to my stomach. I detested them, even when the kids were from my own family. Finally with other people's help, I realized that my need to be extremely clean was an obsession. In order to get rid of this attachment, Master arranged chances for me to improve again and again.
In 2002, my mother-in-law, who could not go to the toilet by herself, came to live with us. At that time, I really wanted my mother-in-law to learn Falun Gong, so I did everything, including cleaning her bedpan; I didn't abandon her or show my unhappiness. Also I found it not very difficult to do what I did. My neighbors talked about me, saying that it was not easy for me to do this since I had been so fastidious before. When my relatives' kids came to my house, I tried my best not to show unhappiness and to get rid of this attachment little by little. Gradually, no matter how the kids jumped on the bed or made my house a total mess, I would say nothing; I even gave them toys and snacks. Because of this kindness, the kids now were happy to come to visit me. I also found that I didn't really detest them as much as before. I found that tolerance is really a virtue. I felt very comfortable in my heart.
Sometimes, the test would appear again because my obsession had not been eliminated completely. Once a smelly old woman was standing in front me and staring at me. I escaped immediately and was quite angry.
Another time, I went out to help people quit the CCP. The first person I met was an old man who was mentally retarded. His eyes were so red as if they were rotten. His beard was covered with mucus and his hands were black with dirt. His hair was a total mess. I wanted to abandon him, but I didn't. I stayed and told him the truth about Falun Dafa. He also had difficulty in hearing, so,I had to get very close to him so he could hear me. Then I had very complicated feelings. I didn't want to get involved with him, but at the same time I thought he was so pitiful. He might also be a king or a master in his heaven before he descended here. But now his condition was so wretched and terrible that I couldn't help but have these different feelings.
I realized that I still had some of my obsession for cleanliness; it had not been completely eliminated; and now this chance had come to face it and let go of it.