(Clearwisdom.net) I would like to take the opportunity to report to our benevolent Master about my experiences of improving myself through studying the Fa well and looking inside for insufficiencies.
1. Study the Fa well
Every true practitioner knows well the importance of studying the Fa, no matter if it is during individual cultivation period or in the Fa-rectification period. One must study the Fa if one wants to persistently cultivate Dafa. Without studying the Fa, one can not breakthrough the evil and the lies, discard attachments nor can one persistently uphold righteous thoughts and righteous deeds. Master taught us time after time that we must study the Fa over and over, and that the Fa is all-powerful.
I started practicing Falun Gong in 1996. From Master's teachings, I learned that Dafa practitioners in Changchun City were memorizing the Fa. I came to understand that Master's wish is that we should memorize the Fa. I then started to do so. I experienced much interference from thought karma and from my ordinary viewpoints. I rejected the interference and kept on with the memorization. In half a year, I had recited Zhuan Falun for the first time. Afterwards, I started from the beginning again. I went through and recited the book eight or nine times, and Master's other teachings several times, before the persecution began in 1999. During that period, Master's teaching often appeared in my mind and even at times when I woke up from sleep, I found my brain was reciting the Fa. I felt that I was improving rapidly.
Because I paid great attention to study the Fa well, when I was illegally arrested by the CCP, I was still able to immerse myself in the Fa, and was able to distinguish between righteousness and evil; between truth and lies. I was able to walk my path with a clear mind. Certainly, when studying the Fa one must be with a focused mind and should not do it simply as a formality. Master said,
"Don't just go through the motions when you study the Fa. You should study with a concentrated mind, and you must really be studying." ("To the Australia Fa Conference", November 18, 2006)
When I was reciting the Fa with a peaceful mind, I felt that all the surroundings seemed not to exist anymore and I found that not only my physical body and the depths of my mind were memorizing the Fa but my bodies in all the different dimensions were also memorizing the Fa. Each and every word of the Fa appeared in front of my eyes and I could memorize a sentence of the Fa in a flash. While I was memorizing the Fa, I often suddenly burst into tears, moved by Master's boundless Buddha grace. Human language is not able to describe this kind of magnificence and wonder. For a Dafa practitioner whose mind is filled with the Fa, how could the evil move his will? How could the evil move Dafa? All the evil can do is to fear and they can obtain nothing but elimination. I found when I was memorizing the Fa with my whole heart, the police would not dare to even come near me.
Now because time is very limited for all that needs to be done, every day I have to try to make time to study the Fa and I have difficulty concentrating in short time spans. Sometime I'm in a situation where my mouth is reading the Fa but my mind is not. I then recite the Fa from memory, and I recite slowly to have each word appear in front of my eyes. In group Fa study, I also take this form to study the Fa.
2. Look Within for Reasons
From the principle of the Fa I knew that I must look within for reasons to discard my attachments,
"But as cultivation is lived out, when the suffering bears down on you and conflicts come up that hit upon the deepest part of you--and especially when it rattles the rigid notions you have--the test is really hard to pass. It can even be to the point that you know full well it's a test but still can't let go of your attachments." ("The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be")
One time, when I was sharing with fellow practitioners, our discussion was about my sitting meditation. It was really painful. When fellow practitioners talked about the degree of the pain they had experienced, I felt that the pain I suffered was not worse than what they had experienced. But I still found excuses to defend myself, saying that I must be one of the two kinds of people that Master had mentioned about who either had too much karma in this aspect, or who had never sat in double lotus position before. I had been thinking this way for many years and I had been satisfied for doing the sitting meditation for only 30-40 minutes. I did not think about looking inside for the reason to break through this barrier. One fellow practitioner suggested, "Every time when you feel that you have reached your limit, try to see if you can resist the pain and sit for a few more minutes; add a little more time each time and give it a try." Another said, "When you cannot empty your mind, did you recite the Fa? When I cannot empty my mind, I recite the Fa." Their comments shocked me, "I was never able to empty my mind and I never tried to control my thoughts when it was drifting." I started realizing that I had problems. I realized that since so many fellow practitioners had made comments to me, it was not incidental. I must look inside, "Why was I not able to empty my mind?"
Master said in Zhuan Falun,
"The reason that you cannot achieve tranquility is that your mind is not empty and you have not reached that high a level, which can only be achieved step by step. It goes hand in hand with the level of your improvement. When you give up attachments, your level will be upgraded, and your ability to concentrate will also improve."
I realized that I had too many attachments. How could I empty my mind with such heavy desires and lust? I should really make effort to discard these attachments through cultivation. When I was doing the sitting meditation the following day, I started paying attention to my thoughts. As soon as the distracting thoughts appeared I would reject them; eliminate them immediately and concentrate my mind on listening to the exercise music. Persisting in this, gradually I was able to focus my thoughts on the music. Suddenly I found that the exercise music was wondrous, it seemed that I was in the pure land of a Buddha's paradise. It was so beautiful and magnificent. My thoughts seemed to separate from my body and the pain in my legs seemed to become indistinct and remote. After 40 minutes I found that I was able to sit for a longer time. This way I sat the whole one hour period and it felt easier than before when I put down my legs. I came to understand that when I changed my notions and looked inside for reasons, my mind nature was upgraded, "One's gong level is as high as one's xinxing level". (Zhuan Falun) Master saw that I had upgraded my xinxing in this aspect and helped me to remove those impure materials. " Cultivation depends on one's own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one's master."! At the same time I also came to understand,
"You cannot only pursue transformation of gong in the physical body without emphasizing improvement of your xinxing. It is waiting for you to upgrade your xinxing--only then will you make a holistic change." Zhuan Falun
From then on, whenever I want to sit in meditation for one hour, I can usually do it. A stubborn notion was disintegrated by looking within for the reason.
Another event also made me experience the power of looking inside.
One time, I made an appointment to deliver some cell phone cards to a fellow practitioner. I wrapped the phone cards with tissue and put them in my work bag. I had the thought that it would be safer to keep them in my trouser pocket. Then I thought that it would not look good with my pocket bulging ,so I left the cards in my work bag. I had planned to deliver them to a fellow practitioner after I finished teaching the class.
However, when I went to the fellow practitioner's home after class, I could not find the cards. I searched my work bag over and over again but I still could not find them. They were for validating Dafa and saving lives, how could I lose them? I realized that they must have fallen out of the bag when I had taken a book out so I headed back to the classroom. On the way there I thought, "Today is windy. For such a small pack of stuff even if it did fall out on the table, it would be blown away, not to mention that there were so many students. I would not be able to find them." I was so miserable that I completely lost my righteous thoughts. It happened that the students were between classes when I got there and most of the students went downstairs. I searched the classroom but found nothing. I asked my students and they said that they had not seen them.
I went back to the practitioner's home. The practitioner said, "It is interference. Let's send forth righteous thoughts. Other practitioners use supernormal power to retrieve lost computers, so we will get the phone cards back with righteous thoughts. At the same time, let us study the Fa well and search for our insufficiencies." By then I was able to uphold my righteous thoughts and I knew that the evil had taken the advantage of my attachments. However, no matter what kind of attachments I had, they are not for the evil to take advantage of to interfere with Fa-rectification. The cards must be returned to me. I will look inside for the attachment because I am a Dafa practitioner conducting myself according to the requirements of the Fa, not because of the sole purpose of being interfered with. I found that I had many attachments, including the attachment of pursuing fame and good looks.
After sending forth righteous thoughts, I went back to the classroom. A student came to me and gave me the cell phone cards, saying that he found them. I received them with pleasure, but there were only four of them and should of been six altogether but the student said he only found these four. At that moment, I had relaxed a lot in my mind but I knew that this was the result because I had not done well enough looking within and did not have strong righteous thoughts.
After I went back home, I started searching for my deep hidden attachments. First, I found that I had a very strong attachment to fame. Students often said that the classes that they enjoyed the most were the classes I taught. Hearing those compliments frequently, my attachment to fame inflated. The result was that I trapped myself in the enjoyment of my own "vivid" lecturing and I was pleased with myself. My mentality of showing off kept growing. As a result, I was totally unaware that the phone cards had fallen out, which was taken advantage of by the evil. My attachment to fame also manifested as I paid excessive attention to my clothes. When others said that I looked young and pretty, I enjoyed it very much and I did not treat this mentality as an attachment. I even used the excuse of "I am validating Dafa" to cover up my attachment. I had put these phone cards into my work bag instead of my pocket because I wanted to look good. This attachment to fame also interfered with my clarifying the truth face-to-face. When Master leads people to me, I did not think of talking to them about Falun Gong because I was paying attention to my impression on others. Sometimes I thought about talking to them about Falun Gong but still missed the opportunity because I worried too much. I did not have compassion for others and this resulted in my negligence in clarifying the truth. I was really ignorant. I was attached to self. The opportunity for me to help Fa-rectification is passing by so quickly but I am wasting precious time during this valuable period, disappointing Master and disappointing the living beings who are longing for me to tell them the truth for them to be saved!
This experience also let me see the distance that I had fallen behind other fellow practitioners. When the other practitioner heard about the lost phone cards, he did not blame me. Instead, he suggested that we send forth righteous thoughts and look inside for the reasons right away. However, I would accuse fellow practitioners when they had inconvenienced me, if they do not conform to my point of view or when they had done things not to my expectation. I did not have the tolerance and compassion that a cultivator should have and I did not think about why I would feel so upset and not remember to first look inside for attachments when encountering situations. When other practitioners asked me for help to send righteous thoughts or to deal with some situations, I was reluctant and did not take other's problems as my own, and I was not willing to help. All these reflected the insufficiencies in my cultivation and reflected that I was not willing to discard the selfish elements that lives of the old universe have. I then added a thought when sending forth righteous thoughts, "Eliminate all the evil lives and elements that interfere with Dafa practitioners' validating Dafa. Nobody is allowed to touch the tools that we use to save lives, and they must be returned unconditionally without any damage."
The following day, I planned that I would go to that classroom again to look for the phone cards after I finished teaching my morning class. I felt that all the interference had been eliminated. The same student said he had found another two phone cards. Master helped me again! When I looked inside and found the attachments, when I upheld my righteous thought and when all the fellow practitioners acted as one entity, Master helped me again. I had several similar experiences before, and this time I experienced Master's boundless mercy again!
In general, as a Dafa practitioner, as long as we study the Fa well with a peaceful mind, look inside and discard attachment, nothing can stop us from walking on the path to become divine beings.
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