(Clearwisdom.net) I was fortunate to learn Falun Dafa in 1998. I had a rather shallow understanding of the Fa at that time, and I didn't solidly improve. I simply knew that Dafa was good, and was grateful to Teacher with human sentiment. Because I practiced Dafa, my many long-term illnesses were cured within two months. I became healthy, my temper improved dramatically and I was no longer willful but gentle. I also began thinking of what other people would do or how they would perceive my actions. People who knew me well said, "Falun Dafa is good. It causes so many changes in a previously sick person, one that easily became angry and was willful."

Lessons of Holding onto Human Notions

After one becomes a practitioner, tests point out all human notions. In 2001, the local 610 Office set up a brainwashing center, and my workplace cadres colluded with the 610 Office officials. They attempted to send me there for persecution. I had to leave my home to avoid being persecuted, but I could not let go of my sentiment, so I went home on the weekend to cook for my family and take care of my child. They arrested me and sent me to the brainwashing center, where I was tortured.

I was forced to stand against a wall for a long time, and I was beaten the minute I moved. They tortured me with the "flying airplane." I was forced to half-squat, with both arms lifting high backwards. Again they did not allow me to move. I was forced to watch videos that slandered Dafa during the daytime, and collaborators tried to fill my mind with wrong concepts about Falun Dafa at night. They did not let me rest and beat me as soon as I closed my eyes. They threatened, "If you do not transform, we will send you to a forced labor camp." I was tortured mentally and physically around the clock.

I was able to be firm and keep righteous during the first days. Then, a former practitioner who had turned against Dafa said, "It is not wrong for you to firmly practice Dafa. We are not really giving up the practice. You behave as if you think that this will increase tribulations for Teacher." Her words directly targeted my human notions and I was moved by sentiment and went astray. I even cooperated with the prison guards and helped persecute other practitioners. I believed that this would reduce Teacher's suffering for me.

After I returned home, I wanted to read the Falun Dafa books again, but my husband forbade me from reading them. Then, I was again faced with illness symptoms. After a few days, a fellow practitioner came to my home and suggested that my words and acts in the brainwashing center were wrong. I did not enlighten to it at that time. She then pointed to a cup of water and said, "You see, we practice Dafa. It is clear and transparent, just like this cup of water. It helps us eliminate all bad human notions and attachments." Then, the practitioner poured tea into the water, and said, "You see the water changed color immediately. It is different now. Not only is the color different, but it tastes different too. When it is mixed with other things it is the same as being polluted." At that time I was moved.

The sense of being lost and lonely filled my being and made me feel helpless. This also exposed my human sentiments and dependence on fellow practitioners. My feelings at that time could not be described in words. Teacher said,

"The demon of this kind is most difficult to distinguish and its destructive power is very strong. It also comes to learn Falun Dafa, speaking Falun Dafa is good, even more excited than others in talking, as well as having stronger feeling than others, or even seeing somewhat images. Then, all at once he dies or goes to a reversed road so as to damage Falun Dafa. It is just such a kind of person who is most difficult to distinguish, the more difficult to distinguish, with the most destructive power." (Falun Dafa Explication)

When I read the above, I suddenly awakened. Wasn't this what I did? All of a sudden, I felt bitter regret, chastised myself, felt guilt that was still mixed with human emotions and felt deep sorrow. I cried loudly and lost control of myself. At that time, my son came in and said to me, "Mother, you can correct your mistake, and quickly get up from the fall. It does not help to be like this. If you are not rational, it is even worse. Be rational!" I knew Teacher was giving me, a practitioner who had not made every effort to succeed, hints through his words.

Remaining Firm in the Forced Labor Camp

I firmly practiced Dafa and quickly improved by studying the Fa diligently. I wrote a letter to the officer who arrested me and told him not to persecute Falun Dafa practitioners. I told him that this was for his benefit, as he had been deceived and did not know the truth. I also explained that because of their participation in the persecution, many innocent lives were poisoned.

In 2004, the authorities arrested me because of this letter, and sent me to the Kaiping Forced Labor Camp in Tangshan for one year of forced labor. In the forced labor camp, guards deprived me of sleep and forced me to stand for a long time. I again was forced to listen to slander about Dafa for two weeks. This time, I was not moved, sent forth righteous thoughts, and recited a poem from Hong Yin Vol. II,


Ten thousand miles I gallop, breaking demons' battle array
Cutting down all dark minions, eliminating wicked deities
I heed not their thick fog or the gale winds they whip about
Mountain rains en route wash off dust from the expedition

My body had illness symptoms, so the guards stopped torturing me. But soon after, during the so-called "attacking a fortified position month," prison guards brutally tortured steadfast practitioners. More than ten guards surrounded me, and hypocritically pretended that they cared about me. They later worked in three shifts, deprived me of sleep, tried to fill my mind with lies against Dafa and slapped my face when I refused to cooperate. They were not successful, so they took me to third floor, tied me up, hung me on the iron-gate and slapped my face. I did not comply with their wishes, but shouted "Hitting people! Guards hit people and illegally torture me!" The guards were so scared that they hurried to seal my mouth with clear tape. Teacher said,

"The actions they are now adopting in the persecution of Dafa and its students are extremely evil and shameful, and they fear these will be exposed." ("Rationality" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)

The guards feared that I would recognize any of them and expose their evil deeds, so they covered my eyes. They force-fed me, hung me up in the air and tied me to a heating pipe. I couldn't stand straight, nor squat down. They tied me to a chair and then a wooden bed with all my limbs spread apart. They used an electric fan to blow air on me all night long, and I was very cold. I was not allowed to wash myself or change clothes, and I was forbidden to use the toilet. These are just a few of the brutal tortures I suffered. When I felt I had reached my limit of endurance and thought of ending my life, I said to Teacher, "Teacher, this student does not fear death, but this student can't die. This is not what you want. I need to keep the physical body so I can practice, validate Dafa and save sentient beings." Instantaneously I felt no pain. I knew merciful Teacher was by my side and helping me. I thus passed through nearly two weeks of inhuman torture with my faith in Teacher.

As I still held sentiment toward my mother and child, the evil attacked me through dreams. My mother came to me in my dream, and told me to do this or that, and the child became bad in my dreams. There was so much to disturb my righteous thoughts. As I am my mother's youngest child, our relationship is very strong. My father had passed away, so I worried about mother even more. I worried that my child would learn bad habits, which affected my state of mind. I restrained these human notions and diligently recited the Fa, including,

"One dynasty's emperor, one dynasty's subjects
Dynasty after dynasty were the karmic bonds tied in anticipation of the Fa
Don't pay heed to the affairs of bygone dynasties
All will be known when you return home at Consummation"
("Clarity Upon Gaining The Way" from Hong Yin Vol. II)

My mother and child have an understanding of the Fa, and my child sometimes judges things with the principles of Dafa. Also everyone has their own destiny and I can't alter it just because of my attachment. When we abandon human notions and comply with the Fa, Teacher arranges everything for us. My human sentiments thoroughly disintegrated.

Validating Dafa Despite Being Tortured

In the forced labor camp, prison guards separated steadfast Falun Dafa practitioners, and put them in isolation cells. They forbid us from studying the Fa or practicing the exercises, and prisoners monitored us around the clock. When I learned that a practitioner who was over fifty years old was on a hunger strike for more than five months I shouted, "Falun Dafa is good." Again I was tortured, including being tied to a chair, not allowed to use the toilet, having to urinate and discharge into my pants, having my mouth sealed with adhesive tape, being dragged around by my hair, and having my face slapped I thought, "Regardless what other practitioners do, I must expose the evil." I found the opportunity to make a run for it and shouted loudly, "Don't persecute Falun Dafa practitioners! Falun Dafa is good! Falun Dafa is the righteous law!" My fellow practitioners heard this sudden shout. They knew that someone was being tortured again. Therefore, they also shouted, "Falun Dafa is good! Don't hit people!"

The prison guards quickly took me to the cell. I questioned them, "Why do you beat people so cruelly? Moreover, you mistreat a kind elderly person who can no longer even sit properly? How could you do this? Weren't you born and raised by parents?" A squadron commander participated in torture unexpectedly replied, "We are giving her virtue by beating her." I answered, "Why don't you give some virtue to your parents and show filial piety to them?" They were speechless, mumbled something and took off.

At the time we were only seven to eight practitioners who were steadfast and cooperated with each other. We also had formidable righteous thoughts as one body. I subsequently found out that a few days later the guards released the elderly practitioner who was on hunger strike.

If all practitioners detained in the den of evildoers are able to have righteous thoughts and acts, it would be just like Teacher said in "Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference,"

"If all the hundreds of or all the thousand people held in a labor camp can do that, see if the labor camp still dares to keep you!"

Teacher said in "Fa Teaching at the 2008 New York Conference,"

"Don't be intimidated by those evil things, and don't fall prey to the lies they use to confuse ordinary people."

My several years of experience in prisons and labor camps showed me how important it is to remember Teacher's words. This is especially important for those who are surrounded by evil. If we don't study the Fa diligently, if we don't let go of our attachments, then it is very difficult to pass this test. But as long as we firmly remember Dafa and Dafa practitioners' sacred missions, we can certainly see through the lies and pass difficult tests.