(Clearwisdom.net) I began practicing Falun Gong much later than most others in China, and I feel that I do not yet study the Fa well. I do not have a solid foundation in my individual cultivation either. I have been persecuted several times for clarifying the truth. My family has also suffered a lot, and ended up with misunderstandings of my cultivation. Recently, with Master's help, I got out of a forced labor camp with righteous thoughts. When I arrived home, I found out to my surprise that my husband, who had been faithful to me, was having an affair with my best friend.
I did not have as strong a response as a non-practitioner, but it still hurt deeply. Some bad thoughts kept bothering me, and I even had the thought of leaving him. This had very bad impact on me when I studied the Fa. However, I know if I want to save him and his family and friends, as a Dafa cultivator, I shouldn't divorce him. So I endured, and with the arrival of any bad thoughts, I tried my very best to expel them.
When I elevated my Xinxing, I discovered that the roots of my painful feelings grew from selfishness. My true nature is unselfish and selfless, conforming to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. It won't be changed by the exterior conditions, and it won't have pain and worries. All the worries and pain I feel, including all bad thoughts, I will take as not belonging to my true self, and I won't have them. Gradually my compassion came out, and my true nature came out time and time again. When I faced my husband, my heart became more and more pure, without sentimentality. With a pure mind, I took care of him, telling him that having an affair is not right, as it harms not only others, but also himself.
As I changed my mindset, my husband also gradually changed his attitude towards me. Eventually he apologized to me sincerely and promised to rectify his behavior.
Thanks to Master's compassionate care, my attachments were exposed in this incident and I was elevated in the process of getting rid of the attachments. I won't get stuck because of sentimentality, harming myself or others. I realized that in the past, I had not treated my family with compassion since I did not achieve the state of being unselfish and selfless. I treated them with human sentimentality, and that is why I did not have a good effect in clarifying the truth to them. Only when I get rid of sentimentality will compassion surface. Only when I treat my family with compassion will I clarify the truth well.
Today when I look at myself, I find that although I know I need to cultivate selflessness, selfishness sometimes hides very deep down in the darkness. If I do not pay attention, I can hardly find it. For example, I think that "I" need to study the Fa, "I" need to do the exercises, "I" need to clarify the truth, "I" need to save the sentient beings. The word "I" is always out at the very front, and I was unaware that I had put myself in front of others. Even shopping, I thought about buying whichever was cheaper, or buying more of something on sale. Clarifying the truth, the very first thought I had was that of my personal safety instead of the urgency of saving others. It is the word "I" that played the role. When the word "I" gets weaker and weaker, my true nature, my true self, will get stronger and stronger, and it will assimilate more to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
From now on I should do more for the Fa, the universe and the sentient beings. I should do more of what I am supposed to do. I should listen to Master. I will put the word "I" at the very back until there is no such word "I." This article is written in the hope that fellow practitioners who have the same problem will also check every single thought and see whether they are placing the word "I" out front. Please point out anything improper in what I have written.
