Friendship Between Men of Virtue Is "as Plain as Water"

(Clearwisdom.net) "A gentleman's associations are as plain as water; a petty man's associations are as sweet as wine." This ancient proverb is part of China's traditional culture. In recent years, with morality on the decline and especially with the Communist Party culture contaminating people's minds, Chinese people have gradually forgotten about traditional values. Some have even twisted the original meaning of these traditional values.

The meaning of "A gentleman's associations are as plain as water" is that when people with high morals become friends, they treat each other "as plain as water," not seeking fame or self-interest. "A petty man's associations are as sweet as wine" means that when people of low morals become friends, they treat each other like sweet wine, seeking fame and self-interest. They expect business interests and personal favors from each other. A gentleman's friendship is pure like water, clear and plain, and could last forever without changing its flavor. "As plain as water" means without containing the added complications of fame and self-interests. The gentleman's friendship is plain yet heartfelt. The petty man's friendship is sweet but could easily go sour and lead to a falling out after the pursuit of fame and self-interest lead to conflicts.

Another proverb, "li shang wang lai," on the surface, means the exchange of gifts when friends meet. If one side fails to give a present, people would say this person does not pay attention to friendship. Actually, in the traditional culture, "li" means a ritual based on certain moral concepts and manners and customs, such as a wedding ceremony and an official ceremony. It could be interpreted as good will and respect. In my understanding, traditional culture emphasized respect, which means showing kindness to others, not the exchange of interests based on superficial meanings. Relationships between people should be based on respect and compassion, not on material interests or human sentiments. An exchange of gifts is based precisely on material interests and human sentiments. For example, "If you give me something, I will be happy; if you do not bring me a gift, I won't care about you anymore." If one doesn't see this, one should dig deeper into one's own motivations. When you accept another's gift, how do you feel? Isn't it a desire for material favor? When you give others a gift, what's your motivation? Aren't you protecting your human sentiment? Of course there are exceptions, but most of the time, neither parties has a pure intention. When one party takes more than he gives, he owes others a favor. It is actually a minor form of bribery, although it may not involve as large a sum as actual bribery.

You may say, "We are good friends and we are like family; no one keeps track of how much we owe each other." I would say you are using human sentimentality to judge this. The universal principles do not allow this to happen. If you owe others, you have to pay them back, one way or another. It is sentimentality that tells you that you don't have to pay others back. Aren't you being deceived by the sentimentality? If a man is broke and desperately needs help, or he is in danger and you give him a hand to help him, this man will surely pay back your kindness. If he does not pay you back in this life, he will pay you in future lives in whatever way possible. Helping someone in need is different from gift exchanges in daily life, and the difference lies in one's motivation.

As cultivators, we should be mindful of our conduct. We should behave as Master has taught us, "...he is full of great aspirations while minding minor details." ("Sage" in Essentials for Further Advancement) We came to together as Dafa disciples, and our real purpose of becoming human is to return to our original and true homes. We should not engage in ordinary networking amongst ourselves. If you agree with me, we are buddies; if you do not, then we have nothing in common. Some even bad-mouth others. Such behavior is not right for practitioners.

We should be clear that our mission is to fulfill our ancient vows. Assimilating to the Fa and saving people is our real purpose for coming to the world. We should not get entangled in ordinary people's pursuits.

Of course, we are cultivating in a human society, and we cannot cut off our connections to people. But as long as we use the Fa to guide ourselves in life and base our actions on unselfish motivates, we should be able to have healthy relationships with others and maintain our moral principles in a world full of temptations. And the outcome of our actions will be righteous and just.