(Clearwisdom.net) In the past I felt my cultivation was going well, although I was far from meeting Dafa's requirements. I also thought that I demanded of myself to do well, and felt that I had a certain understanding of the Fa. When I was with fellow practitioners, I often saw other's problems. I thought that I should help fellow practitioners improve, and that I was being considerate of others.
However, in recent months, I have been very dissatisfied with my cultivation. By continuously studying the Fa and looking inward, I found some problems with myself. But after a few days of self-satisfaction, I again felt I did not find the root cause of my problems. It was a repeating process. So, recently I have been feeling flustered. It has been quite a long time since I started cultivation. I knew I had shortcomings, but I did not know where exactly my problems were. At practice this morning, I realized I should have paid attention to this long-standing problem. Most of the time, I was thinking of fellow practitioners' deficiencies.
I thought I knew what to do: I should talk to practitioners if I perceived they had problems; I felt those problems should be corrected in a timely manner. I myself had recently improved quickly by looking inward. I also should find time to share experiences with them so that they can improve. I almost always got into this kind of thinking, while sending forth righteous thoughts, studying the Fa, or at any other time. Why did I pay so much attention to others' shortcomings? Did I really do this for the good of others? It was not fully for the benefit of others because there were dirty selfish thoughts and selfish attachments involved. It was very clearly written in Teacher's newly published teaching, "Fa Teaching at the 2008 New York Conference." I read it many times and knew I should look inside myself, but I had reservations. My problem was that I did not let go of the attachment of paying attention to other's attachments.
I am ashamed that I did not enlighten to this before now. When I see others' problems, it is actually where I need to improve myself. If one can look inward at that time, it is a good opportunity to improve in cultivation. It is not surprising that fellow practitioners did not seem to change much, although I often pointed out their problems. Sometimes, I corrected myself in time, and I did not see problems with fellow practitioners afterwards. Now, as I recall the time I noticed others' shortcomings, I myself really had the same problems. They just manifested in different forms, could not be easily noticed, and were deeply hidden. Of course, I do not mean we cannot remind others. The key is to cultivate oneself.
The above are some of my recent understandings. I welcome all comments.
