(Clearwisdom.net) I practice Falun Gong. In order to persecute me, the authorities expelled me from the university I was attending. Thereafter, I went out to find work and had difficulty making a living. I have yet to do anything significant. Because of this, I felt I had suffered a setback. As time went by, I felt more and more despair. Although I believe that Dafa will definitely succeed, I felt despair thinking about how to carry on. One time I exchanged views with other practitioners in similar situations and I managed to look at things from a different point of view. But because I had wallowed in sadness for so long, this tribulation had become very solid and it would take some time to get rid of.
One day I met a former classmate. He works in a company and has a good paying job. We had not seen each other for a long time and he asked me where I was working. But I could not tell him of any achievements. Although I had let go of many things, a faint hint of sadness still wormed its way into my heart.
I asked myself, "Even if I never accomplish anything significant in my life, would it matter?" My heart still hurts when I recall all the teasing, reprimands, and misunderstandings. But then I thought again, "Does it really matter if others laugh at me? Does it matter if the whole world looks down on me?" In this way, I wavered between sadness and righteous thoughts, trying to reject this attachment.
A fellow practitioner was worried about me. In order to help me get out of my gloom, he arranged for some young practitioners to exchange experiences with me. We shared our views on topics such as education, employment, and marriage. I saw the gap between my thinking and theirs. As I did not often exchange experiences, I rarely got the chance to experience the power of this righteous field. I felt that these practitioners were all very good. They were down to earth and their actions were aligned with their words. They were not pretentious and did not ridicule others as some people often do. Everyone opened their hearts and spoke about what was on his or her mind. When someone had an incorrect understanding, it was pointed out with kindness. This was really a pure environment.
The fact that I disliked expressing my views showed that I had an attachment. One practitioner said that if a person is very sad and is not willing to speak, others will be able to sense it and will find this person unapproachable. With such an attitude, how can that person successfully talk to people and persuade them to renounce the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations? I also felt that the substances related to sadness and despair were still controlling me and restraining me from speaking. It also made those practitioners who were trying to help me sad. I asked myself why all these practitioners were so magnanimous, optimistic, and full of brightness in their hearts. Why couldn't I be like that?
My disliking to express my views also had the element of being afraid of getting hurt. For a long time, I had wallowed in sadness and despair and could not get hold of myself. I was afraid of getting hurt and thus isolated myself. As a result I could not open my heart and exchange views with other practitioners. There were many questions that I could not find the answers to, and I was stuck at this level for a long time and could not break through. Had I removed all these questions that were perplexing me through experience sharing, perhaps I would not have wasted so much time.
One fellow practitioner told me that, when looking for a job, one's righteous thoughts are very important. Currently, many bosses demand that employees work long hours, so this practitioner had the righteous thought that she would definitely not allow her boss to ask her to work on weekends and take up her time for Fa study. Now she does not have to work on weekends. Long working hours is also another problem I had. But I did not try to change that with righteous thoughts. This fellow practitioner had the attachment to proving her ability. Thus her boss started to recognize her ability and gave her new tasks and increased her workload. As a result, she became more and more busy. When she did not have time to study the Fa, she thought that she needed to change the situation. In the end her boss told her, "You are not suitable for this task" and the fellow practitioner was happy that she had time to study the Fa again. If my boss had told me something like that, I would have taken it differently. Perhaps this was my gap. Why could I not be like this practitioner and not take everything in this human world to heart?
Another practitioner said that if one can find a job, then just do it. If one cannot find a job, then use the time to study the Fa first. One should try to let things take their natural course. One's fortune has been predetermined and the amount of pay is also predetermined. But I still do not understand why I cannot make more money no matter what I do. Is it because my karma is too much? Or is it because my cultivation state is not good?
Fellow practitioners said that young people also have this attachment and chase after a wonderful life. We need to get rid of this attachment, too. Some practitioners found jobs and became very busy. I felt that if they were happy being busy then it would be difficult to resolve the situation. The external factors and environment does not play a determining role. Only when we have the wish in our hearts that we want to free ourselves from this busy situation can we change it. Even if we are not busy, it does not mean that we will study the Fa more. The critical point is whether we try our best to make good use of our time.
In comparison with the shortcomings I had, I could only look at these wonderful and aboveboard practitioners and admire them. I was also very touched by their efforts to help me. We must have more righteous thoughts and be more magnanimous to be able to balance these difficult issues. Only such a great Dafa could create such practitioners. Only when we practitioners try our best to do well are we worthy of the title of "Dafa disciples."
