(Clearwisdom.net) We set up a new local materials production site after the existing one was discovered and shut down by local authorities in the Spring of 2004. Unfortunately, those who helped us to buy and install equipment, coached us how to use it, and provided technical support, were arrested, and we lost touch with them. During that time I contacted people at the Minghui website on my own.
Half way through 2006, I encountered xinxing problems, failing to overcome a barrier for a long time. I had not discovered an attachment, and thus couldn't let go of it. There was always something wrong with the operation of the equipment at the materials site. I couldn't solve the dilemma. Another practitioner solicited the help of one who is technically skilled to come and help out. He checked the equipment. From then on we could operate it normally.
I appreciated his technical support, but felt uneasy about his intention to help me improve my character. That was the first time I met him. He kept on finding fault with my technique and my character as soon as he saw me. He always let me know something was wrong with me. His gruff words affected me negatively. At first I managed to endure his attitude and thought he did better validating the Fa than me in many respects. I had lost my job some time before; dismissed for being a Falun Gong practitioner. When I finally found another job, he and some others at the materials site were against me getting a job. Their words infuriated me.
I couldn't get over this. After communicating with other practitioners, they all thought there was nothing wrong with getting a job. One practitioner even felt I was unfairly treated and suggested that maybe the two who were complaining should quit their jobs to work full time in the materials site. I kept calm and explained to that we shouldn't complain. Eventually I couldn't hold my xinxing, and we ended up arguing.
The unrighteous field severely influenced the work at the materials site, even disabling a computer. At first I thought it was due to two specific practitioners' cultivation state and had nothing to do with me.
But when we constantly couldn't work normally at the materials site, I calmed down and searched inside. Master said,
"When any conflict arises or anything happens, I've told you that not only should the two parties in the conflict look for reasons on their part, even any third party should think about himself--why are you the one who observed it? When you are a direct party in the conflict, that's even more the case, but why won't you cultivate yourself? " ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference")
I composed myself and thought over my recent conduct, coming to the conclusion that the incorrect circumstances at the materials site and in my surroundings were reflections of my own cultivation state. Master in many lectures had told us about searching inside. Why do I not search inside?
Master said,
"A lot of conflicts and tensions come about as practitioners cultivate. When there are many many attachments that can't be let go, your [cultivation] environment won't be good. If the opposite is true, then it will be excellent. If you don't search inward when certain problems and conflicts surface, they will intensify, and it happens because of your own attachments." ("Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital"2006)
My attachments had caused the equipment damage. Perhaps it was also caused by the old forces' interference, making use of conflicts between fellow practitioners. Nevertheless, I felt uneasy for having attachments. A coordinator pointed out that the equipment damage happened because I didn't get in touch with group, or I dared not look to others for help, and had thus separated myself from the whole body. I was afraid of something. The authorities had forced me to renounce my practice of Falun Gong years ago. Even though my renunciation was given under coercion, and not from the heart, it is still a blot on my cultivation record.
A fellow practitioner indicated that I found the job with human attachment. To all appearances, with no job, I couldn't make a living and nothing was wrong for me to get a job. But thinking deeply, the attachments such as desire for developing, getting rich, depositing money, and building up thriving business were hiding behind in my deep consciousness.
Thinking back, I had initially left the previous work place because my attachments made me want to flee persecution. And then hatred entered in, and hoping they would have to repay all this in the future. I even imagined the scenario of their repayment as they had destroyed my good life. I knew that was wrong. These thoughts actually came from my basic attachment to pursuit of happiness, something I couldn't let go. I tried to cultivate and wanted to rid myself of it, but could not abandon it for a long time. I still had the desire for a good life.
After I studied "Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital" (2006), I asked myself if I followed what Master said. Why couldn't I search inside and let the conflict last for several months, and jeopardized the work at the site going smoothly? When I discovered my problems based on the Fa and communicated my thoughts with fellow practitioners, everything at the materials site was restored to normal.
In a small experience sharing meeting, the technical coordinator shared how he searched inside and cultivated himself. I made great progress in the process of resolving this disagreement by searching inside and improved myself through Fa study. We bridged the gulf among us and again cooperated with each other.
While enmeshed in conflict, and especially when thinking that others are at fault, and not ourselves, it is extremely difficult for us to search inside. My own experiences are: I must cultivate; that it is the main path for Dafa disciple to improve; there are no shortcuts. I wanted to initially write these experiences right after things happened, but gave up half way through. After I viewed Master's speech to Australian practitioners I thought I should write my experiences, to perhaps provide some reference points for fellow practitioners.
December 21, 2007
