(Clearwisdom.net)
Greetings, Respected Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I would like to share some of my cultivation experiences.
1. Seeking Master and Obtaining the Fa
Ever since I was in elementary school, I had longed for a good, senior advisor. Although I was not clear who he was supposed to be, I was sure he was not someone in my family. I would not need him to take care of things in my daily life, but he could give me guidance on my path. I thought several times I had found that person, but I was mistaken. One day my friend gave me a copy of Zhuan Falun and asked me to read it, then tell her what the book was about. I took the book eagerly.
I followed my usual reading habit, so I did not read the preface of Zhuan Falun. I read very fast and did not remember anything after having read 30 pages in five minutes. However, I had a strange feeling. Each time I turned a page, an inner voice told me to read this book carefully, character by character. This message was so strong and adamant that I had to begin again, this time with Lunyu, (the preface), on the first page. I finished reading Zhuan Falun in two days. My enlightenment quality was low, making me think this was only a book telling people how to be good, but my physical reactions were pronounced. During those two days my pores felt like they had opened and then shut dozens of times. I later understood that Master was cleansing my body. I was lucky enough to have read seven more Dafa books in the next two weeks.
My experience was beyond description. I had always thought I was a highly virtuous person, excelling among people and with few shortcomings. Reading the book, though, made me realize the many attachments I harbored and the undesirable things in my mind. I told myself, "I want to cultivate this Great Way! I believe that my spirituality will rise through Falun Dafa cultivation." My long-ago blocked memories were unlocked. I knew I had found my true Master, and he was going to take me home.
2. Predestined
Ever since I was little I liked to dream, and I often shared my happiness in my dreams. Oddly enough, I would have the same dream about every six months, from my early years to my high school graduation. That dream did not last very long, but was vividly clear. I dreamed of a thin, round, dish-like object turning at all the joints on my body, and the object became bigger and bigger, until I could not see the whole disk. My body would feel indescribably good afterwards, and then I would wake up with that wonderful feeling.
Why did I repeatedly have this dream? Why would the dream always end there? I sought in vain for clues from many dream-interpretion books and fortune tellers. After I had studied the Fa for several months I suddenly realized that the "dish" I had dreamed of was a Falun. No matter how many life or death crises I had gone through from the time I was small into adulthood, Master had safeguarded me all along. Tears ran down my cheeks. I was so happy that I was predestined to have Master taking care of me. I regret being lost for so long. I firmly believe that nothing could block my path to return home because Master is here, the Fa is here, and my determination is here.
3. Good or Bad Comes from a Spontaneous Single Thought
Master taught us in Zhuan Falun:
"We have said that good or evil comes from a person's spontaneous thought, and the thought at that moment can bring about different consequences." (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Once when I experienced body cleansing, I was coughing and all my joints hurt. I was shivering and had typical high fever symptoms. I went home and lay down. Suddenly I remembered that I should participate in the Nine-Day Fa-Teaching Class at 5:00 p.m. I wondered, "Should I still go? Wouldn't it be damaging to Dafa to let newcomers see practitioners still having cold symptoms?" I was shivering, even with a comforter on and decided I'd better not go." Then I thought about what Master said:
"No matter how much you suffer from the 'illness,' I hope that you will continue to come, because it is difficult to obtain the Fa. When you feel very uncomfortable, it indicates that things will turn around after reaching the extreme point. Your whole body will be purified and it must be completely purified." (""Lecture Two, Zhaun Falun, 2000 translation version)
At five minutes before 5:00 p.m. I quickly got out of bed, thinking, "It is just signs of eliminating karma. I am going to be fine." When I walked into the Nine-Day Lecture Hall, all the pores in my body opened. I felt very strong energy. I sat on the floor, listening to Master's teaching with my eyes closed. About one hour passed, and I suddenly realized that I had not coughed or felt cold. My nose was dry. I opened my eyes and saw myself sitting on top of a big turning Falun.
Master taught us:
"If you can truly have a mindset that's determined about cultivation and can let go of human feelings, then it won't take even a second and your ailment will be gone." (Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Houston, 1996)
I realized then if I had remained in bed that day, I might have been in bed for several days.
4. My Life or Death Test
My biggest and hardest test comes in dealing with my emotions concerning my husband, which might be my life or death test on my cultivation path.
My husband came to see me in the U.S. two days before the 1999 New York Fa Conference. Out of consideration for him, I decided to stay with him instead of attending the Fa Conference. I felt something big might happen, but I was not sure what it would be. We went to have dinner at his cousin's house the same day the Fa conference was held. I was talking about my cultivation experience with his cousin when suddenly my husband slapped me very hard. It did not hurt, but I was so shocked. My nose bled and felt warm. My brain kicked in again after 30 seconds. My husband disliked the way I spoke of Falun Gong. But I was calm. I said in my mind, "I do not want you to give me virtue, and I hope you can cultivate Falun Gong!"
That night he apologized and said he was angry when he saw that I was so into practicing Falun Gong. I was again calm and told him, "Hitting people is wrong, but if you do not like the way I talk, I will pay more attention to this." The next morning, I saw him reading Zhuan Falun in the yard. He had not slept. He wanted to know why that one book had changed me so much.
I would usually find out during the sitting exercise whether or not I had passed a test well enough. I used to endure lots of pain sitting in the double lotus position for 30 minutes. That day I sat for one whole hour without pain. I knew I had done well in that test. But after a few days, when I looked back, I discovered another omission. After he slapped me that night and my nose was bleeding, I smeared the blood on his face. This behavior still showed my hidden anger. I simply wanted to tell people that he had hit me and that it was wrong. In addition, I was not completely calm that night when lying in bed. I thought "Why did you hit me in front of your cousin, who annoys me the most?"
Master taught us:
"Perhaps in the future you may be slapped in the face twice, and you will lose face in front of someone whom you least want to see it. It is to see how you will deal with this issue and whether you can endure it. If you can tolerate it and yet it preys on your mind, it is still not good enough." (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I became aware that, although I had passed that test, I still harbored some grievances.
During the following years my relationship with my husband went up and down. Sometimes he was willing to hand out newspapers with me, but at other times we were locked in a cold war. Each of his visits to the U.S. is an opportunity for me to raise my xinxing level. I know I can enlighten to the Fa, but each test is a bit painful.
Once I dreamed that other practitioners and I had reached Consummation but were suddenly thrown into a dark place. I instantly became aware this happened because I didn't do well when my husband tested me and could thus not reach paradise. Master was beside me. I told Master I wanted to do a make-up test. Master answered, "There are some chances for some tests, but when you reach Consummation, there will be no chances left." I begged Master to test me one more time.
During my early cultivation years I was diligent. I put all my spare time into Fa-study and doing the exercises. I used to think cultivation was not hard and meant it had to do with simply abandoning attachments. Since all of us have a clear cultivation goal, we might think we can simply endure the pain to relinquish the attachment. Master has endured so much for me; I can handle the few that remain. I will be successful for sure, because I firmly believe in Master and Falun Dafa. But the tests with my husband in recent years have hurt to the bone. I began to think that cultivation was too hard. Every time I fought with my husband, I was reluctant to give ground. Deep down in my heart I knew it was a test. Sometimes I even asked Master to give me a different test instead of this one. Even my son could not bear my omissions. He came to my room and said, "Mama, you are 100 percent right on the surface, but aren't you a cultivator? Don't you practice forbearance?" He said it so well that I could not add anything. One day my husband wanted to have a meaningful talk with me. He said, "We love each other and have helped each other to this day. Even if I was very bad, I should not be your enemy. If you treat me like this, how can you become divine?"
I felt ashamed. I knew Master did not want to leave me behind and had used my son and my husband to give me hints. I knew Master was not just giving me a hint--he was pointing it out directly to me. Why can I forgive others when I go through conflicts but cannot be tolerant with my husband? I have often been angry when he ignored me. Master has asked us to look inside, "Accomplishing is cultivating." ("Solid Cultivation" in Hong Yin)
I did look inside after each conflict. I discovered my jealousy and competitiveness, all based on emotion! Are emotions so difficult to abandon? Master taught us:
"As a truly-determined practitioner, one is able to endure everything and give up or care less for any attachment in the face of various self-interests. As long as one can do this, it will not be difficult. Those people find it difficult because they cannot let go of these things."( Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I kept telling myself, "Still being unable to face my attachment and deal with it is the same as giving up cultivation." I promised Master in my mind, 'Master, your disciple will overcome her obsession with emotion and follow you home.'"
My relationship with my husband has improved a lot now. I know it is Master's grand mercy saving us. Thank you, Master!
