(Clearwisdom.net) I will share some of my experiences on how I eliminated the attachment of jealousy and changed my human notions while I worked to rescue practitioners in China. Please point out any inaccuracies.
Eliminating Jealousy
On my cultivation path, I had always thought that my attachment to jealousy was minimal and that it was other practitioners who needed to work on eliminating it. Recently I studied "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles" and read an article, "Eliminating the Attachment of Jealousy," in the "Minghui Weekly." I felt bad, because when I looked inward, the worst, most stubborn, well-hidden, and dangerous attachment of jealousy so obviously existed inside of me, and I had not seen it until then.
Most of the practitioners in my Fa study group are older practitioners in their 60s or older. Recently I have been getting upset with them more and more frequently. I often complained, "Why is my practice environment so bad? The practitioners can't help me and they need my help all the time." One of the practitioners that I snapped at was the mother of an "illegally-arrested" practitioner.
After reading "Eliminating the Attachment of Jealousy" from the Minghui Weekly, I had a rude awakening. All my anger came from the jealousy that I never felt the need to eliminate. For a long time I wanted to change everyone but myself. I am a teacher and I had the human notion that developed from students listening to me. I believed that everyone needed to listen to me; only what I said mattered.
Now that I found this well-hidden jealousy, I have come to truly understand what Teacher said in Zhuan Falun that I never did understand in the past, "If jealousy isn't eliminated, all the thoughts you've cultivated become fragile."
After I found my attachment of jealousy, my mind was eased. All of a sudden I saw the many positive attributes of the practitioners I used to dislike.
Why didn't I have righteous thoughts and compassion ? Why weren't my first thoughts righteous when I came across conflicts? It was all because of my jealousy. It led me to a dangerous position of hating other practitioners and not knowing it. I even thought that I practiced well: "Look at me, I am in such a great cultivation state. I can practice even under such pressure." My arrogance, desire to show off, and zealotry abounded. Thinking back, the evil didn't think I was qualified to rescue practitioners with all my attachments. It was my fault for leaving all those gaps for the evil to sneak in and interfere with me.
Changing Human Notions
Human notions pop up in our heads all the time. It is up to us whether we pay attention to them and try to catch them or not. Looking back, though I had always wanted my thoughts to be more righteous, I never did know how to practice diligently. When I started rescue work, a practitioner reminded me, "Don't rely on others." I refused to admit that I had the attachment of relying on others and so it took me over eight months to find this attachment.
A month ago, when I was sharing with other practitioners, a practitioner read the first paragraph of Lunyu in Zhuan Falun. As I listened to it, I found my attachment of relying on others and that was why I cared so much how the coordinator did everything. No one appointed a coordinator and a coordinator wasn't a supervisor like at work in everyday society. A coordinator is a practitioner just like us. I realized my notion hadn't fundamentally changed and it came from the poisonous Chinese Communist Party's Party culture. When my supervisor at work assigned me a task, I always tried my best to finish it without asking questions. In the practice of Dafa, however, everyone needs to walk his/her own path and cooperate with others at the same time. If everyone can change this notion of "following the leader," lose the Party mentality, and, most importantly, look inward, then one can improve diligently on the cultivation path.
Now I feel that cultivation isn't that hard. In any circumstance, as long as we look inward unconditionally when we calmly study the Fa, we can move forward on the path to godhood steadfastly and firmly. This is what Teacher hopes we can do.
