(Clearwisdom.net) I would like to talk about my experience and the understanding I gained by passing through a serious illness. One day I was in a hotel to fix a TV. Suddenly I has such strong lower back pain that I needed to hold onto something to stand up. I immediately understood that this was persecution by the old forces. I thought as a Dafa practitioner, I should be able to completely dispel the persecution situation, so after lying on a hotel bed for a while, everything would be all right. I did so, and later resumed my work.
Later I went to a house with seven floors to fix a washing machine. At around 4:00 pm a customer called for me to adjust a new TV. When I stood up after adjusting the TV, the back pain came back. It became unendurable as I rode my bicycle home. It was hard to move my legs, as if all the bones were broken. I could walk only by supporting my upper body weight on the seat of the bicycle. Thus I walked home step by step.
When I reached the bottom floor of my house, my hand could not release the bicycle. My mother came down and asked me what was going on. I said I could not move my back. Mother patted my lower back and said: It's ok, stand up. However at that moment I just could not stand up. I could only hold onto the stair-rail and climb into the house. After I got into my room, even with two hands on the bed, I could not move my body up into bed. Whenever I tried to turn, the pain resumed. So much pain, just like my bones were broken. Thus I could only lie on the floor. Mother asked the practitioner who lived next door to come over to send forth righteous thoughts for me. Mother encouraged me to stand up, but I could not. Long after the practitioner went home, I was able to climb into my bed. With two hands holding onto my bed, I suddenly climbed up into bed, but serious back pain followed. I said to myself, "I am a Dafa practitioner. I can stand up. Master please help your disciple!"
The following day, I stood up just like a miracle had happened. I joined the global practitioners group practice, but when I did the Falun Heavenly Circulation, I could not bend. When I did the mediation, I could not put my legs up. Stretching made my back hurt. At that moment, I wasn't in the Fa, but even if I couldn't put up my legs, I still could send forth righteous thoughts and study the Fa. Nonetheless, I had the thought to go back to my bed and lie down, but I only walked a few steps when severe pain left me unable to stand at all. I fell to the ground. I couldn't get up at all. I could only drag my body on the floor little by little. My father and mother carried me up to bed.
I finally calmed down and sensed how serious the problem was. I had had incidences of severe back pain twice since I had become a practitioner. Both times I got well after a little rest. At those moments, I did not look inward in order to raise up. That caused this time to be even worse, I could not even turn on the bed. My mother always encouraged me with righteous thoughts. She said I must get over it, and that next time it could be even worse.
I could not sleep at night. I started to listen to Master's lecture from an mp3 player. In the day time I read Zhuan Falun and every hour I sent righteous thoughts. Practitioners who lived nearby came to send righteous thoughts for me and pointed out my shortcomings to help me improve.
Through this, I learned how to look inward myself. I reflected on the reasons why I was experiencing persecution. The truth was, I hardly studied the Fa, and had few righteous thoughts. When practicing meditation, I did not continue for more than half an hour. I always quit once any discomfort appeared in my body. I would just follow the old force arrangements and did not look inward.
In April this year, I was sucked into everyday people's trivial material concerns.
I relaxed my intention of diligent Fa study and practice. I did not study more Fa to make up, instead I was crazy about TV, sometimes I even listened to pop songs. I was numb about clarifying the truth. After I finished a repair job, I never thought to clarify the truth to the customers to save them. Lust also came. In a dream when the test of lust happened, I did not do well. However I still found excuses to cover it up. I was also attached to money. For instance, if I had gone home when I had back pain; if I had calmed my heart and studied the Fa, looked inside and sent righteous thoughts, maybe what happened after that might not have happened.
Thereafter, I began getting rid of attachments, listening to the Fa more and studying the Fa more. I watched Master's Australia lecture DVD, looked inward, and completely denied all persecution toward me fundamentally. I was thinking that I could stand up, and asking Master to help. Even with the back pain, I should still sit straight. Through non-stop effort, my upper body could lie on a chair, my lower body could kneel on the floor and I could have meals. Then, I started to put on clothes for myself, holding the windowsill to stand. My body changed day by day.
On the fifteenth day, I could support my back with my hands enough to allow me to walk around inside the house. On the sixteenth day I could practice the first and the third exercise. On the eighteenth day, I thought I must continue, no matter how difficult it was. Since then, I have rejoined the global Dafa practitioner's group exercise.
Looking back on my experience made me understand that through the Fa rectification process, the requirements for every Dafa practitioner are higher than before, and we must reach the standard. Evil forces struggle to the last. They try to drag down every Dafa disciple. To raise our xinxing, we need to have strong perseverance, to endure any kind of situation.
Under Master's care and with others' help, I was able to look inward, and recognize many shortcomings. Seeing my problems, I have better learned how to be diligent. Actually, everything is under Master's control. Without this incident, so many of my bad emotions and habits would not have been exposed. Truly, Master won't abandon any of his disciples.
