(Clearwisdom.net) I had poor health since childhood, plagued by many minor illnesses. It was commonplace for me to take pills or get injections. After I was grown up, I studied and worked hard to pursue gain and personal interest. My health got worse. However, I had a strong desire to attain Buddhahood, which kept me going. I attempted to convert to Buddhism. Going to a temple once to burn incense and pay my respects to Buddha, I noticed many people asking Buddha for things. I pondered for a while what to ask for and did not know what to do. Eventually I asked to become a Buddha some day and provide salvation to people. I was not sure how I, an ordinary person living in the world, someone who fights for recognition and gain, could become a Buddha. I did not know what the Fa or the Tao meant. I relied on reading Buddhist teachings every day to become be a Buddha.
Five years ago I was introduced to Falun Dafa, an opportunity that comes along once in thousands of years. My initial understanding of Dafa was shallow, but my mind was firm and no one could keep me from cultivating in Falun Dafa.
1. Overcoming family pressure
I encountered great pressure from my family. Brainwashed by the CCP at an earlier age and having his mind deeply poisoned by the CCP, my husband was against my practicing. At work I am in charge of a group of people, and at home I take care of our child and do the household chores, usually working from morning to evening. My husband frequently picked on me and quarreled with me. Initially I fought back with harsh words. But then it occurred to me that I was cultivating Truth-Compassion-Forbearance, and he was an ordinary person and that I should not argue with him at his level.
Master told us in Zhuan Falun, "Transformation of Karma" in Lecture Four:
"Why do you encounter these problems? They are all caused by your own karma. We have already eliminated for you many, numerous pieces of it, leaving only that tiny bit which is divided into tribulations at different levels for upgrading your xinxing, tempering your mind, and removing your different attachments. These are all your own tribulations that we use to improve your xinxing, and you will be able to overcome them. As long as you upgrade your xinxing, you can overcome them."
"If we encounter these problems, we should not compete and fight like others. If you do what that person did, aren't you an ordinary person?"
When he quarreled with me the next time, I kept silent. Although I felt it was unfair, I thought I might owe him from my past life, and he was there helping me to get rid of karma. I tried very hard to be tolerant. He stopped arguing since I did not fight with him.
I, once an ordinary person, am walking the path to divinity because of Falun Dafa. Although my husband admitted that I was much healthier, he was still fearful of the persecution and refused to read Dafa books or watch a CD about Falun Gong. He even spoke ill of Falun Gong. I asked him if I had done anything wrong by trying to be a better person. I also asked him to point out my problem and told him I was willing to change.
He thought for a while and did not say a word. Instead, he continued to pick on me, constantly mentioning the possibility of divorce. He also refused to let me say anything. Running out of options, I wrote him a letter. I did not explain my reasons for practicing, but wrote down my decisions about dividing our estate if we were to divorce. I would let him have all the estate, and I would leave and take our child with me, but he would have unlimited visitations. I would pay off all the debt, about 100,000 yuan, and leave the rest of our belongings to him.
A regular person might have been moved by such a letter and would realize that he had gone to extremes. I had a feeling that bad elements controlled him. I was not sure if he read the letter, but from then he no longer spoke of divorce, did not interfere too much with my practice, and his temper was under better control. I knew I had passed this test. My mind was calm, and I pretended nothing had happened.
It was just like Master mentioned in "Cause and Effect" in Hong Yin:
"'Tis not that the journey of cultivation is painful,
Karma from generation upon generation is blocking you."
To have more time to study the Fa, I studied at night after everyone went to bed and practiced the exercises in the morning before they awakened. Once when I was doing the second exercise, I felt my whole body calm and clear as crystal, combined with great joy. Another time, I felt as if I sat still inside a snow-white porcelain bowl. After all my efforts I was able to study the Fa and practice the exercises at home without fear. My husband pretended he did not see it and sometimes turned the lights on when I read the Fa.
2. Comparing myself before and after cultivation
Prior to cultivation I saw myself as a righteous, good, and selfless person. After beginning the practice I realized many problems I had in the past. For example, I used to add one extra hour to my time card at work and felt justified because others added two or three extra hours on their cards. At the market, I would leave hurriedly when I received more change than I was supposed to. I did not feel guilty because I wasn't actually stealing. I used to take a better seat on the bus and felt fine. I used company time to handle personal matters, because I rationalized that others spent more company time on personal matters. I argued with my co-workers and my staff, thinking I was right all the time, and would get very angry when I could not win the battle. After I started cultivation, I felt awful when I recalled the things I did before in a society where people's morals are in rapid decline. I was one of them, and still felt good about myself.
Cultivation changed me. I did things as they needed to be done--whether it was my work or that of my staff. If my staff made errors, I would fix them. I would think of others first before thinking of myself. I returned any extra money that did not belong to me. Once, when I bought meat, I got an extra eight yuan in change. As soon as I discovered it, I returned the extra money to the seller. He was so grateful. Gradually, I had a good reputation in this area. Whenever I went shopping and was short of money, people at the market offered to let me take the food and pay the rest later. However, I would thank them and refuse to take the food.
I would not argue with anyone anymore. Even if someone misunderstood me, I would explain it with compassion. If something made me angry, I remembered I was a Falun Gong practitioner and must not act like an ordinary person and remind myself how a divine being would deal with those matters. I would become calm and no longer be angry.
Master and Dafa have changed my life. They have allowed me to understand the significance of life and to walk on the path that will take me home. I am deeply moved by reading the books and deeply touched by Master's merciful salvation, which I cannot describe in words. I can only use the simplest words to express my feelings: "Thank you, Master!"
3. Clarifying the truth and offering sentient beings salvation
I did not do well with this task. Except for my two closest friends, no one else knew I practiced Falun Gong . When I explained the facts about Falun Gong and the persecution, I would say that I heard it from someone else. The first time I distributed informational CDs, I had only a handful of them. Over a two-hour period I did not distribute any. I was so fearful that someone might follow me, and I was exhausted. Exchanging ideas with other practitioners, my mindset changed. Explaining the facts and exposing the CCP's lies is a righteous thing to do. It offers people salvation. Only the CCP should be scared.
Afterwards I did better and better with this task. I made a rule for myself to distribute CDs daily.
Once I wanted to distribute CDs in an apartment building where I had never been before. It was dark and located in an isolated place, accessible only by one dead end road. I walked down that road with a family of three in front of me. My footsteps caught their attention. They paused, turned around, and looked at me. I knew that people in this building might know each other. I attempted to slow down a little to keep a distance from them, but in the meantime there were people behind me. I had to keep the same speed and move forward. The family went into one of the building's gates that was followed by a loud sound of a metal door closing. The door locked automatically after they got in. The family still peeked at me when they were in the stairwells. They might have noticed that I was a stranger and wondered if I would come to their gate. I was approaching their gate. So that the people behind me wouldn't notice me, I walked straight to the gate and pulled on the door. To my surprise the door opened, and I knew Master had helped me. I tried to leave the door unlocked so that I could leave without trouble, but it did not work. I went straight to the apartments and placed CDs at the doors. After I completed my task, I randomly pushed the buttons to open the gate, and it worked. On my way home, tears covered my face. I felt that Master had protected me the whole time. As long as we do the right thing, Master and divine beings will help us.
Another time, I was chatting with two young girls in their 20s. I explained about the Tiananmen self-immolation incident being faked, the worldwide dissemination of Falun Gong, and how important it was to quit the CCP to save one's soul. They were surprised at hearing those facts for the first time. They were anxious to find out how they could quit the CCP and begged me to tell them more. Because I was on an errand with my co-worker, I could not stay longer to tell them any more, but I promised to help them quit the CCP and tell them more once I had time later on. They reluctantly left. If there was a predestined relationship, I believe that one day they will become Falun Gong practitioners.
We know that there is not much time left for us to offer people salvation. Let us do the three things as Master asks. Don't leave any regrets on the path of cultivation.
Due to my limited level, there could be errors in my understanding. Please point out anything inappropriate.
