(Clearwisdom.net) From sharing with others, I heard that there are practitioners who still cannot study the Fa, do the exercises, and do the three things with dignity because their families, who have been poisoned by the Communist Party and are afraid of being persecuted, watch them. I wanted to write about how I was able to battle through that tribulation with my family as it may be helpful to fellow practitioners.
Before July 20, 1999, my husband was very supportive of my practicing Falun Gong. He even supported my decision to travel to Beijing to validate the Fa shortly after July 20, 1999. However, at the end of 1999, after I was released from prison, he began to try to stop me from studying the Fa and doing the exercises, mainly because he was afraid that I would be imprisoned again. He was afraid of the Communists. His reasons were that the Communists relied on violence and we were not strong enough to fight them. He would not listen to anything I said and insisted that I must give up cultivation. Whenever he saw me reading Dafa books, he would jump up and take them away; whenever he saw me doing the exercises, he would jump up and beat me up. He beat me frequently. I was afraid that if he destroyed any Dafa books, it would be very bad for him, so I would hand copy the books in the daytime and read them at night when he was not around. If I heard him coming, I would hide the books immediately. I was afraid that he would create karma for himself by tearing up the books. I studied the Fa like this for a long time. A couple of times when he was not at home, I thought I heard him at the door and I put the books away at once. Later I realized that I had the attachment of fear toward him and the evil demons were creating illusions to interfere with me. Since then I constantly remind myself to eliminate this attachment of fear.
When I got up in the morning to do the exercises, he always got up with me and pushed my hands so I could not do them. Sometimes he forced my hands and feet under his body for one or two hours so I could not move. It hurt a lot. I always wept quietly and recited "it's hard to endure, but you can endure it. It's hard to do, but you can do it" (Zhuan Falun) and "Tempering One's Heart and Will" ("Hong Yin," Translation Version B) again and again. Back then I was very troubled and wept often because I could not pass this tribulation. I created another attachment--worrying about myself. I even complained as I knelt in front of Master's picture and asked Master to help me. I specifically studied the Fa regarding family issues. I even thought about divorcing my husband. But then I remembered Master telling us to search within ourselves when encountering problems, "it is not permitted for you to get a divorce because of the practice." (Zhuan Falun) I thought that, as Master's disciples, we must listen to Master's words. I found that both my competitive mentality and jealousy were very strong. I discovered many other human notions such as hatred. I also noticed that, prior to my husband beating and cursing me, my thoughts were not as Master described in "What is Forbearance (Ren)?" (Essentials for Further Advancement) I was always in tears and felt in my heart that my situation was very unfair. When I realized these things, I stopped thinking about divorce and tried to think about my husband. I was determined to eliminate my attachments, and I did not hate him as much anymore. However, when his disposition was not good and he found me studying the Fa or doing the exercises, he would still beat and curse me.
Back then I thought that Master's article "Expounding on the Fa" (Essentials for Further Advancement) was very hard to understand, so I decided to memorize it. When I got to "When a tribulation arrives, if you, a disciple, can truly maintain an unshakable calm or be determined to meet different requirements at different levels, this should be sufficient for you to pass the test. If it continues endlessly and if there do not exist other problems in your xinxing or conduct, it must be that the evil demons are capitalizing on the weak spots caused by your lack of control. After all, a cultivator is not an ordinary human. So why doesn't the side of you that is your original nature rectify the Fa?" I suddenly realized the reason my husband endlessly interfered with me. It was because I indulged him too much and the evil demons took advantage of it. I then remembered what Master said in "Environment," "Yet with this great Dafa of the universe, you are embarrassed to give it a correct position--this is human beings' true shame." (Essentials For Further Advancement) I decided to study the Fa and do the exercises with dignity in front of my husband. I had to let him understand that Dafa was my life.
That evening, I held Zhuan Falun and read it openly and with dignity. When my husband got home, I again felt nervous that he might take the book away, but I tried hard to push this thought away. When he saw me holding Zhuan Falun, he angrily jumped up and tried to take it away. I put my whole body on top of the book but he still got it away from me. I said to him adamantly, "Give the book back to me now. Don't you keep saying that you are all for the good of this home? I tell you very seriously: my life was given by Dafa. If only Dafa is here, I will be here; If I'm here, the book will be here. Even if only I cultivate, that is truly good for this home. From now on you are not allowed to interfere with my Fa study. I will study the Fa until 11 everyday, and before 11 o'clock, you are not allowed to disturb me. But you can be sure that this will not keep me from doing any housework." He saw that I was very serious and that I would use my life to protect the Fa, so he put the book on the bed and said, "Go ahead. Go ahead." Then he went to watch TV. I took all the books and put them on the bed and asked him to come into the room. I again said to him very seriously, "I have 15 books here. I'll just put them on top of the dresser. If I see any missing, I'll have you explain it." He looked at me and smiled, "Don't worry. I won't mess with any of them." Since then, he really hasn't touched those books, and he hasn't interfered with my Fa-study again.
One day I was doing the meditation on the bed and he suddenly told me to stop doing the exercises. Our situation had been pretty good, and I wondered which of my attachments was causing this to happen again. Was it because last time I did not fully address the problem? When I refused to stop, he started to beat me. He beat me to the ground and I continued on the ground. He pulled me to the living room and I continued in the living room. I said I would not open the shop until I finished with the exercises. He kicked me to ground and put his legs on top of me so I could not move. He was so angry that his face was unrecognizable. It was during the winter and I only had on a single layer of clothing. My back and legs were so cold that they were painful and numb. I recited "What is Forbearance (Ren)" and "True Cultivation" (Essentials for Further Advancement) quietly in my heart. My mind got more and more calm as I recited the Fa. I stopped feeling the pain and I did not hurt anymore. At that time, I did not feel any hatred toward him.
I saw him being so angry and I felt pity for him. I thought that today I would end all my predestined issues with him. I smiled and said to him, "Have you beaten me enough? If not, go ahead and continue. If there is something I did wrong, you can let me know. If I have owed you too much from before, I would like to return all of it to you. If you want to curse at me, beat me, or kill me, go ahead. Whatever you feel you need to do to assuage your anger, just do it. I guarantee that I will live up to 'not fight back when being punched or insulted.' Today I want to settle all the debts between us." When he heard these words. He said to me with tears in his eyes, "Hurry and get up. It's too cold on the ground. You do not owe me anything." Then he pulled me up . I also had tears in my eyes and I said to him, "If you say that I don't owe you, then don't interfere with my exercises again." He said, "Go ahead with the exercises."
Since then he has not intervened with my doing exercises again. One morning he was still sleeping soundly. I was just about to do the exercises next to him, and suddenly I saw he was covered by a colorful shield. He looked so tiny under the shield. I knew that it was Master who saw my determination and did not let him interfere with me anymore by putting a shield on top of him.
Nowadays when I go out to tell people about the persecution and tell people to quit the CCP, he does not interfere with me. Sometimes when I talk to his friends and relatives, he even helps me out a little on the side. One time one of his friends who did not know the truth tried to convince me not to practice Falun Gong anymore. He said to his friend, "I support whatever my wife practices." Now this friend also knows about the persecution and has quit the CCP.
