(Clearwisdom.net) I went to a practitioner's home yesterday. As I was not sure if the practitioner was home, I didn't go straight in but knocked on the window and put my ear close to the window, to see if someone would respond. Then I heard a fellow practitioner's voice say, "How many dishes does Xiao Yi's family have for a meal?" She was talking about me. It seemed that they had not heard my knock on the window and continued talking about me loudly. I could hear very clearly outside. Another practitioner said, "I went to her place to study the Fa the other day. They were having dinner, and they had..." I could hear another practitioner's voice. Suddenly, I felt that I shouldn't listen like this, because it was not appropriate to listen to others talking this way. I walked in and cheerfully greeted them. They looked embarrassed and said to me, "Don't be angry, sorry." My reply, "I must look within myself. How can I be angry with others?"
I remembered what Master taught us about looking within ourselves when we encounter things. I thought, "Why did I get to hear this? How could it be a coincidence? What insight should I gain from this?" I discovered several attachments from this incident and would like to let others know how I see it.
When I overheard them my first thought was, "They are talking about me. Let me listen to what they say about me." This reflected my attachment to officiousness, curiosity and envy. Then I immediately realized that I shouldn't eavesdrop on the conversations of others. This thought immediately made me feel broad-minded.
Later, while examining my thoughts, I checked to see if I also gossiped with other practitioners about things that had nothing to do with our cultivation. Even though I would hold no ill feelings, did I talk about others behind their backs and waste precious time we need to use to save people? It shocked me when I realized this was so, and happened quite often. Wasn't this incident a hint for me from Master?
In the past I realized the importance of cultivating speech, because many times I was misunderstood, and it caused needless division and discord among others, due to my attachments. But I could not find where the problems were, so I decided that I would cultivate speech. Improvement came slowly, and from time to time I was still misunderstood. Others occasionally turned my words into completely opposite meanings, and some even added details that resulted in a completely different story. I thought I would broaden my mindset and would not explain myself, thinking I would just keep cultivating myself this way.
Because this type of cultivation was not genuine cultivation but was merely to protect myself from being misunderstood, and for saving face, my xinxing did not ascend and my cultivation level was not raised, either. The old forces took advantage of this and created divisions between practitioners.
I truly realized that one can't cultivate speech before cultivating one's mind. If I spend my time doing the three things and truly cultivate, relinquishing all these show-off mentalities, along with envy, resentment and zealousness, and talk about things on the Fa with few human notions, then others may no longer misunderstand me.
This was clarified when I made a deliberate effort to cultivate my speech, but without much success. I failed to speak based on the Fa because I lacked serenity and held on to too many human emotions, but I could do very well with a serene mind. This made it clear to me that the cultivation of the mind is the most important thing.
Nevertheless, I still felt there were attachments I had not dug out. My family environment is much better than that of fellow practitioners, some of whom decided to leave home to avoid further persecution and live a destitute life. In my current circumstances I am living a rather simple life, and I don't pay much attention to everyday things. A few years earlier I had run a business, and because I had not given up many attachments I was enjoying a comfortable lifestyle. Along with my cultivation I have given up many such attachments, but have perhaps not done well enough.
What other problems do I have? I was thinking to myself, when suddenly a few words came to my mind, "You are treating fellow practitioners with human emotions! You assume others are on the same level in comprehending the Fa as you are!" Immediately I understood where my problems were. Why do I still make the same mistakes?
The practitioner I mentioned above has recently joined our Fa-study group. She has lost her family after being persecuted several times and had wandered to our location. Because she has no income, her life is very hard and I wanted to help her so that she could live a bit better. I also wanted to find her a job. Others told me later that she had been tortured by being shocked with electric needles, which caused problems in her lower limbs, and she still suffered side effects from the torture. Sometimes she would feel her legs twitching. She didn't want to get a job because she felt that would reduce her time to study the Fa and validate the Fa. She would rather live a relatively hard life than get a job. I had thought that she was too lazy to work, and that was why her life was hard.
It is not wrong to help fellow practitioners, but our motives must match the other's needs, and that determines how we help them. Yes, we need to share based on the Fa, but not on the basis of assuming others are in the wrong or paying too much attention to issues of everyday life.
Every practitioner has his/her own cultivation path to walk, as Master often reminds us. Master also reminds us that practitioners, being at different levels, comprehend the Fa differently and will thus be in different cultivation states and levels. No one can force anyone to be in any particular state. How can we possibly expect everyone to be the same?
I began to understand the reasons why I had often failed to break through the barriers between me and other practitioners. It was because I was attached to what I understood, believed I was in the right, and hoped others would understand me. This is a strong ego. I truly understood that my stubborn opinions contributed to the many conflicts I had come across in the past.
I also thought that the root cause for the long-time discord among certain practitioners was that both parties involved held attachments to themselves and both tried to protect themselves. They seem unable understand the cultivation way of other practitioners or the way they validate the Fa, and they believe that what they have understood is the right way. They then try to find basis in the Fa to verify that they are right. When this happens, the evil will take advantage of these strong "egos" to strengthen the attachments on both sides, and what we see in our own eyes are all the attachments of the other side, that have been enlarged by the evil. We then feel that the other side is very dangerous, and what we are doing is protecting the Fa. With this attachment, we look less and less within ourselves, and the evil further strengthens our egos. As a result, the discord intensifies.
In fact, if one can truly let go of one's self in cultivation, if one pays more attention to the other practitioner's good points and carefully listens, thinks and measures what the other says based on the Fa, then he will find that what he says makes sense and touches on the problems at hand.
The above is some of my understanding. Please kindly point out anything improper.
September 27, 2008
