(Clearwisdom.net) Ten years of cultivation have passed in a flash. I was very excited when I first obtained the Fa in 1997. When I enlightened to the profound Fa-principles, I could not help but smile, and when I first sat in full lotus position, my legs were in extreme pain, but after the pain subsided, I felt a cool sensation in my legs. I was very nervous on July 20, 1999, when the persecution started, but now I steadily do the three things. I gradually understood that the process of our cultivation is a reincarnation process of leaving humanness behind.
1. The Beginning
I did not know exactly what we were doing when I joined the Minghui website team. I only knew it was very important. The first time I was on duty, Master published a new article, and I knew we had to post it as soon as possible. I did my job quickly and checked it many times, but I didn't dare to post it. I was so nervous. It was not until the editor-in-chief called me, that I uploaded it.
At the beginning, my workload was not heavy. The situation in China was very complicated, and various news articles needed to be posted immediately. In order not to delay anything, I organized a sheet in front of my computer table, changed my e-mail arrival signal so it was as loud as an alarm clock, then slept right there while waiting. At that time, I realized that mainland China fellow practitioners were in very difficult and dangerous environments, but they were still validating the Fa. So I was happy to be able to help mainland practitioners a little bit.
2. Eliminating Attachments
I was not very disciplined before I became a cultivator. Fellow practitioners in my group were all very detailed and responsible and I was deeply impressed. The difference between us helped me to learn that we must do things carefully in order to do Dafa work well.
Although I improved mentally, my careless habits still caused me to make many mistakes. I tried to be more careful, but at the same time, my attachment of being afraid of making mistakes increased. When mistakes were found in an article and it was not my fault, I would sigh in relief. If the mistake was my fault, I felt devastated. I hoped that I had not caused too much damage, and meanwhile felt helpless since I was such a careless person. I had not detected my strong attachment to guarding my reputation.
Since cultivation is about upgrading oneself and validating Dafa, it is important that cultivators genuinely cultivate themselves. Master is very kind to me, as he did not let me skip this lesson even when I was being extremely careful. After making mistakes repeatedly, I had to calm down and look inward. I needed to discover why I was so crestfallen when others pointed out my mistakes.
Why was I alright when others made mistakes but very nervous when I made a mistake? This feeling was not generated because of interference, but it was due to the fact that I was afraid my reputation would be harmed. When I recall my personal path, I always thought I did most tasks very easily and was always proud of my capabilities. This notion used to be very strong.
I was able to attend a key high school after attending an average junior high school. I felt very stressed and had a difficult time competing with a group of exceptional students. Later, I had to skip one year because I had an accident and endured much pain before returning to school. After that, it was suddenly very easy for me to be on the honor roll. Studying Falun Dafa helped me understand the reason why I did so well at that time. It was because I had paid back much of my karmic debt during the recovery period, therefore my studies became easier. Even my brain was functioning better. Falun Dafa disciples can excel anywhere, as our abilities have all been bestowed by Master or prepared for us in previous lives and earlier ages. It is not because disciples are so capable on their own.
Master said,
"When we determine whether a person is cultivating well, we just look at the height of his xinxing and the depth of his understanding of the Fa. ("Suggestions Given at the Beijing Falun Dafa Assistants Meeting," from Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa)
Those fellow practitioners who work with and have knowledge of high technology might not be doing any better in their cultivation than those who simply distribute materials for clarifying the facts on the streets. The most important thing is how we cultivate ourselves in our positions, and how we validate Dafa and fulfill our missions as Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples. Personal fame, benefits, and sentimentality are nothing compared to saving sentient beings, validating Falun Dafa, and reaching consummation.
3. Sleeping
For a while at the end of 2004, we were very short-handed but our workload increased. We had to do our jobs as well as study the Fa and do the exercises. Every day after work, I would first do the exercises for less than one hour, eat something simple, read the Fa for a short while, then start Dafa work. I often finished my workload at around 4:00 a.m. when the birds had already started singing. I had to get up at 7:00 a.m. to go to work. I would nap in my car during lunch break, because sleeping was more important than eating lunch. When I was too tired while doing Dafa work, I would nap for 15 minutes on the carpet, wake up when my alarm clock went off, wash my face, and go back to work. The worse thing for me was when I fell asleep in front of my computer and then woke up after 30 minutes. I then felt guilty, because the other members of my group had to carry more of the work load.
Although time was limited, my mind was very peaceful. I felt as though Master was bearing all of our stress. I shared many times with fellow practitioners about the matter of sleep. One practitioner said she only needed a 7 minute nap, and then she would feel energetic. We all felt that Master was protecting and taking care of us. Another practitioner was in charge of a large workload and barely had a chance to sleep for long periods of time, but he was in a good cultivation state. I felt that I was already sleeping the minimum amount of time, and I was not sure if I could sleep even less. I asked him, "Is sleeping only three hours per day enough?" He answered without hesitation, "Absolutely!" His words encouraged me greatly. We are supernormal when we cultivate Dafa! He said that we must keep doing the exercises, and that he always felt that Master was pushing him to do them. Even if we just do the sitting meditation 30 minutes before we go to sleep, that would make a big difference. Sometimes, I couldn't go to sleep until 6:00 a.m. and only slept for one or two hours. When one only has one or two hours left to sleep, it is a true test whether one can do the fifth exercise for 30 minutes. I feel so lucky to be able to cultivate this miraculous Dafa. Even during difficult times, Dafa always shows its divine power!
4. Good Things
There will undoubtedly be tests in our cultivation. I once discussed with a fellow practitioner, via e-mail, how we could improve a specific plan. Due to a misunderstanding in our communication, he thought I had changed the original plan by myself and criticized me in a very stern e-mail. I felt wronged because I wholeheartedly tried to do better, and he did not even stop and think before he jumped to conclusions. I immediately felt hostile towards him, and from then on had difficulty working with him. Though I had so many distorted notions chirping in my head, my true nature knew that this was a test.
I knew that I should not have been moved by my attachment, but I was not able to stop those distorted thoughts from boiling in my mind. I thought about how I was going to talk to him, and tell him my good intentions. After midnight, after I had finished my work, I took a walk and quietly recited Lunyu and Hong Yin. I wanted to eliminate the turmoil in my mind first, or at least reach a state in which I no longer cared about the e-mail. I knew that being wronged is not a nice feeling, but I also knew that whether one is right or wrong on the surface is not important when one is being tested.
Several days later I calmed down and practiced forbearance, even though deep down inside I knew that the root cause remained. It was difficult for me to work with this practitioner since I did not like his conduct. Master used Han Xin as an example when teaching "Forbearance" in Zhuan Falun and I thought to myself, "I can think about being unmoved when being insulted, but who can still be nice to someone who has really insulted you?" I simply could not imagine being compassionate to someone who had just insulted me, and acting like nothing had happened.
Of course my test was not as bad as what Han Xin had to endure. Master said,
"I would say that friction among one another that tempers your xinxing is not any easier than that and can be even worse--it is also quite tough." ("People with Great Inborn Quality," Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
How could I completely let go of this incident, grow and become more compassionate? One time I shared my notion with others that it was impossible to communicate with another fellow practitioner. He suddenly said, "Hasn't Master said that these are all good things?" I was shaken. It was true, I always looked at those situations as trouble. I disliked them and therefore tried to push away the uneasiness. I had a notion to avoid difficulties and pursue comfort, and it instinctively manifested. When my body went through a tribulation, I would look inside and negate the old force's arrangements, and meanwhile I always watched closely whether my physical condition improved or not. If my physical condition did not improve, I felt lost and wondered why I had not reached that "light feeling" that one is supposed to have after a test?
Master said, "Cultivation practice must take place through tribulations..." ("Upgrading Xinxing," Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Actually, this incident was a hint for me to eliminate the notion of "avoiding conflicts." The principles of the three realms are reversed compared with those in the heavens. Humans try to avoid things, want to get rid of pain, and chase after comfort and happiness. Cultivators, on the other hand, take xinxing conflicts as chances to improve themselves, recognize their shortcomings through these tribulations, and see them as helping them let go of attachments. While ordinary people see these things as obstacles, we cultivators see them as our ladder to heaven. These are a cultivator's principles. Why did I fail to recognize this?
Master said in "Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital, 2006,"
"There are many religious groups today who say: 'Oh, look at how good things are with us here. Everyone is very caring and loving towards one another.' What are they loving, though? (Audience laughs) They love attachments, love happiness in the mortal world, and love maintaining that human pleasantness among people. Is that cultivation? It's not! Absolutely not. That's only a shield used to protect human attachments."
Master clearly pointed out my attachments. I have become accustomed to peacefully interacting with others since I was young. I always tried not to hurt others and enjoyed the comforting feeling of being friendly. I was still trying to enjoy such comfort during my cultivation, and I thought that others were not peaceful, had attachments, and more, which was exactly a notion of an ordinary person that I needed to relinquish.
After I had enlightened to this, I felt very light. I know that I will not treat these tribulations as negative things any longer!
5. Negating the Old Forces
Master taught us in "Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Midwest-U.S. Fa Conference,"
"I give you automatic mechanisms for increasing gong and other elements such as the Falun. Also, my Law Bodies are personally looking after Dafa disciples, and my Law Bodies appointed some Gods who can truly assist with Fa-rectification to help. But, the old forces have systematically arranged their elements, too, and in that way they specifically arranged everything they wanted. So this has put every student under the influence of specific arrangements by the old forces, and under the influence of those old force beings."
There are various personalities among Dafa disciples. I am relatively introverted. I take ordinary people's affairs very lightly and seldom chat with colleagues, except when I am clarifying the facts, due to my poor English. During the Fa-rectification period, practitioners need to cooperate well with each other, therefore communicating well is necessary. My introverted personality has turned into resistance that I must overcome. A typical example is making phone calls. It is rather laughable that I have an unreasonable dislike of making phone calls. I choose e-mail rather than calling fellow practitioners, which has created difficulties in our group's communication and effectiveness.
Master taught us to negate the old force's arrangements. When we negate this persecution arranged by the old forces, we must examine ourselves to see if we have any notions and habits that we have formed in the maze, but are unaware of. We cannot let them stop us from further assimilating with Dafa and saving more sentient beings. Master taught us,
"Rest momentarily for self-reflection, add righteous thoughts
Analyze shortcomings explicitly, advance again wholeheartedly"
("Be Rational, Awaken," from Hong Yin II, Version B)
Sometimes when reading the Fa, I suddenly think about the fact that some day, I will stop being busy in the human world, leave here forever, and go back to my real home, which is beyond the imagination. When I have these thoughts I feel indescribably happy. At this historical moment when the new cosmos is replacing the old one, we are the Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples that Master has chosen, and we have bright futures.
I hope that all of Master's disciples consummate and return to their true homes. I hope that everyone who has a predestined relationship with Master on this earth will learn the truth!
July 16, 2007
