Looking Inward, Cultivating One's Own Self

(Clearwisdom.net) When New Tang Dynasty Television station was getting established, I was fortunate enough to join the program production team.

At the TV station, the majority of the work takes the forms of ordinary people. As a result, I gradually separated it from cultivation, thinking that Fa study is Fa study, and work is work. Moreover, I began to focus more and more on simply doing the work, and forgetting that I must also cultivate myself in the process. I also quickly became somewhat self-centered, and didn't want to listen to negative words of criticism. Worst of all, I didn't want to let go of this attitude even through I had seen and realized it. I completely fell into the superficial aspects of matters, resulting in a number of conflicts with fellow practitioners. After the conflicts had persisted for a long period of time, I requested to leave my department. I even attempted looking for an opportunity to leave New York so as to avoid facing my attachment. I just wanted to avoid the conflicts. Master mercifully gave me the opportunity to improve and didn't arrange for me to leave New York. After some deep contemplation, re-organizing myself and studying the Fa, I became clear-minded. I am a practitioner, but I was unable to look inward--a basic requirement for a practitioner. I felt that I should start immediately and examine my every thought.

After leaving my original department, I was called upon by another group to work on direct broadcast programs, where I was teamed with another practitioner. Because I had prior experience with a few things, when I saw him making some mistakes in his operations I suggested some improvements in his technique. He not only didn't want to listen, but he seemed to intentionally ignore my suggestions, as though to say "What do you know?" After it happened a few times, I became very angry. Even more irritating was that while he ignored my suggestions, as soon as the coordinator repeated those suggestions, he accepted them. Gradually, I became very averse to seeing him. When I started paying more attention to my cultivation and looked inward, I realized that my untouchable attachment of so-called "self-importance" was extremely obvious, as though I thought my opinion was right, so others should listen to me. In the mean time, I also had a strong attachment to wanting to prove myself. If someone didn't adopt my suggestions, I became very unhappy. Around this time, some other practitioners also pointed out that I had an air of self-importance. Did I indeed have a very strong notion that I was more skilled, and look down on others? I searched deep within myself, and found that I indeed had that notion and it came out occasionally. When I remembered that all of our skills were given by Master for us to validate the Fa, I felt so embarrassed. From that time on I started to pay special attention to my tone when speaking. Especially when other practitioners were asking questions, I reminded myself to be patient. After looking inward and discovering these attachments, I strived to eliminate the incorrect notions. When I worked with this fellow practitioner again, I found that he had many valuable characteristics that I could learn from. My mindset turned around, and our cooperation became much smoother.

After a period of time, while we were doing the preparation work for a direct broadcast, I made a suggestion to the practitioner, but he didn't listen. I repeated it again, yet he still insisted on doing things his way. But when the coordinator repeated the suggestion I made, the practitioner immediately responded by saying, "OK." Actually, this practitioner may not have been aware of this at all, yet I still had a feeling of injustice arise - why didn't he want to follow my suggestion? Immediately I realized that I had not completely given up my attachment to self-importance. At this point however, I was able to catch the attachment.

One day, the coordinator called and asked me to take the reigns on an advertising project that another practitioner had started. I told the coordinator that since we used two different computer systems, I wouldn't be able to pick up from where she left off. The coordinator responded, "You just don't want to do it." When I was just about to explain myself further, the coordinator said she was busy and hung up the phone. My mind became quite uneasy at that point. After all, I had such a clear, objective reason why I couldn't do the project. After hanging up the phone, I looked inside myself and found that I did in fact have a thought deep in my mind of not wanting to do the project. That is, I actually felt it was lucky we used different computer systems, because I otherwise would have had to search through a lot of photos and it would have been a lot of work. Having discovered my attachment to comfort and avoiding hard work, I proactively went about working on the project and finding photos to make ready for the practitioner. When I thought back at the coordinator's "unreasonable" comment, I realized that it actually made sense. It seems that with many things, one really cannot tell which side is right and which side is wrong by looking at the surface. But as long as one looks inward, one will be able to find the attachments that need to be let go.

I have learned that practitioners need to view situations and people with righteous thoughts and not fall into the old force's arrangements. Looking back and reviewing the conflicts between myself and fellow practitioners, the conflicts between other practitioners, and the Dafa projects that have progressed too slowly, the problem seems to be that they didn't look inward enough, and instead adopted negative stances towards other practitioners or things. Practitioners' attachments being made use of by the old forces interfered with the needs of Fa rectification. Whenever something needed to be done, there was always someone saying, "This thing definitely cannot be done in such-and-such way," or "How could this coordinator do things like that?" We practitioners all have powerful energy, so with these negative thoughts in our minds, isn't this playing into the old force's interference? Kindly proposing one's own opinions and ideas shouldn't be a problem, as it is positive and not negative, and other practitioners will most likely consider the suggestions carefully. Well-intentioned suggestions are definitely different from negative opinions. We all know that Master has told us to cooperate. We must first make a change in our own mindsets. My understanding of Master's teachings is that righteous thoughts come first, and only then can righteous actions follow. When facing fellow practitioners, if we only see their shortcomings, and always think about how the fellow practitioners are lacking, won't this kind of negative energy have a negative effect on the other practitioner? Every practitioner has a positive side and things worth learning from. We should spend more time using others as a mirror to reflect on our own attachments rather than always looking for shortcomings in others. Master said in Zhuan Falun:

"If everyone cultivates the inner self, it will be totally different. There will be no need for you to ensure justice."

If we can truly form an environment where everyone searches inside themselves to eliminate attachments, who could do damage to us?

After clearly coming to recognize the old force's tricks, I could not let the gaps between myself and the practitioners in my previous department continue to exist. During the New Year period, I sent a greeting to a practitioner with whom I previously had a conflict. "Happy New Year! Best wishes to be more diligent in New Year." My mind was very confident and did not have any resentment or complaints. This Spring, my previous department had a meeting. I took the opportunity to share my new understandings and experiences with them honestly and took the initiative to close the gaps between us. I was no longer afraid of the conflict. I became clear on how to see through the superficial illusions by looking inside myself.

At the TV station, most everyone is very busy with the programs, and some practitioners can't always keep up with their Fa study and exercises. As a result, some practitioners inevitably become unbalanced and conflicts emerge. At such times, mutual understanding is needed. Different mindsets will produce different consequences.

One day after I completed a live broadcast program, a practitioner in the news department asked me whether I had touched equipment in the control room. I thought he was referring to a computer, and I replied by saying that I wouldn't touch the setup of the computer. The coordinator said, "You'd better go check it out to make sure." I followed that practitioner to the control room, and only then did I realize he was referring to the equipment we had just used to make our program. I only knew how to set the equipment to fit our program's needs and didn't know how to return it to its previous settings. I had been under the impression that everyone in the news department knew how to set the equipment to fit their needs. When that practitioner heard that we had touched the equipment, he immediately became very angry without giving me a chance to explain. I was in shock, thinking, "Why did he lose his temper with me? It's not my fault." Concerned about losing face, I rebuked this practitioner's blame. After a moment, however, I changed my thinking and realized that if I had been more considerate of others and asked the technology department how to switch the equipment back to its standard settings, wouldn't it have reduced the trouble for them? After all, the news department did need to use the equipment most frequently. Having found my shortcoming, I knew I would do better next time and stopped thinking about it. A while later, that practitioner found me and gave me a note saying "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have lost my temper with you. Here are the instructions on how to tune the equipment to the setting that the news department uses. Next time please tune it back." The next day he felt embarrassed and apologized for getting angry. I replied with a smile, "No problem," and thought to myself "That's right, who would like to give someone else a big piece of virtue for no reason?"

After removing the barriers with the practitioners of my previous department, I once again participated in some of their projects. One time, when I asked one of the practitioners in that department if I could use the computer display monitor, his attitude was very rigid. He said, "As soon as I need to use it, you must immediately give it back to me; otherwise, you can't use it." His reasons were valid, so I didn't say anything at the time. But I was extremely surprised at his attitude. Why did he talk to me like that? I had never had any conflicts with him in the past. Although I had been memorizing Zhuan Falun, my mind was quite uneasy for several days after this incident. In "Lecture Four" of Zhuan Falun, Master states,

"If both you and I are nice to each other and sit there in harmony, how can it be possible to increase gong?"

Certainly, there were many areas where I needed to improve. Wasn't it a good thing that someone else gave me a hand? I should thank them. From another perspective, aren't the old forces trying to make use of our attachments to create conflicts and problems? How could I let myself be used by the old forces and fall into their trap? Upon realizing this, my mind was instantly relieved. I decided that I would greet him the next day as if nothing happened. Things are now very harmonious between us, just as though nothing had happened.

Looking back, I realize that every time I produced a good program, it was always because my mindset was relatively pure and righteous, and I didn't have the attachment of validating myself. In situations where I was not able to do things well, although on the surface I was doing things for Dafa, in reality I had the attachment of validating and proving myself, and I was not willing to face the attachment, even though I had already become aware of the problem.

Weeks ago when I was producing a program, I asked a fellow practitioner to make a picture for me of Emperor Xuanzong from the Tang Dynasty. She found a picture but everyone said that it looked like Emperor Taizong. She made a joke and said, "Who has seen Emperor Xuanzong of the Tang Dynasty? Who knows what Emperor Xuanzong looks like?" From her words I had a strong impression, "Even with a great Emperor, no one knows what he looked like after his death. I had done such little things, so why should I be concerned about it?"

During this once in thousands of years Fa-rectification path, let us follow Master, let us encourage each other, be more diligent, keep up pure and righteous thoughts and do well the things that Master has asked of us so that Master need not worry.

Thank you great Master! Thank you to my fellow practitioners for all the help.