(Clearwisdom.net) I felt drowsy when I started to study the Fa this morning. Quickly I recited aloud "Mie" (This is the last word in one of the formulas for sending forth righteous thoughts, and means "cleaned out," "eliminated," "purged," etc.), to not let evil interfere with me. After I said "Mie", I felt alert for only a short while before I began to feel drowsy again. So I said aloud "Mie" again. Afterwards, I was awake for a short period and then felt drowsy again. So I repeated "Mie" again... Just like this, I went back and forth between feeling alert and feeling tired. I thought to myself: "This is becoming a 'seesaw battle.' I will not have it! I have to find out what attachment is causing this, otherwise, when will it end?"
My family was poor when I was young. I mowed the lawn for other people to make money. Every morning at sunup my parents would wake me up to go cut the grass, and I would always be very sleepy. Now I thought to myself: "This is a habit I acquired from when I was very little; it is too hard to change." In the end, I gave in to the drowsy feeling and went back to sleep. I clearly understood that it was interference, but I felt that I didn't have a choice; if I stayed awake, I would not be studying the Fa well, and it would be a waste of time. "It wasn't worth it," I thought, "so it is better to take a nap."
I knew I must not be like this anymore. I had to find out what was causing this within me. Suddenly I remembered an article published on the Clearwisdom/Minghui website. There was a sentence that said, "She did not realize that this was the old forces' intentional arrangement for her cultivation since her youth." I immediately came to understand: "So this evil disaster was all intentionally and systematically arranged for me, yet I regarded it as being 'natural.'" This wasn't all; I was also suffering from some illness "symptoms." They were also evident from when I was young, and still persisting today. I considered these to be all "deeply rooted." They were "huge unavoidable obstacles with no alternatives," I thought. In reality they were all created by me not recognizing the old forces' elements behind them. This is defaulting, cooperating with, and submitting to the old forces. If I want to break through this, I have to see through the old forces' arrangements and eradicate these thoughts that aren't righteous. These thoughts are all ordinary human notions, following the logic of the old universe. Of course they will be governed under the conditions of the level of ordinary people. However, we cultivate to walk out of humanness, so we have to eliminate these thoughts that are not righteous, assimilate to the principles of the new universe, and not be trapped within human logic and reasoning. Only then we can become divine.
In conclusion, abiding by ordinary people's principles will hinder us from becoming gods. If we want to become gods, then we have to study the Fa more, assimilate to the Fa, and transcend the principles of ordinary people.
