(Clearwisdom.net) When I started to practice Falun Gong in 1996, I only paid attention to practicing the exercises and ignored Fa study. I thought I knew all the words in the book and "understood" the meanings as well. I assumed it was good enough that I had read it once. One morning after awaking, just as I was about to get up, a huge book appeared and laid open before my eyes; it was so huge that I could not even see its edges. I was really shocked. When I sat up the book appeared again. But when I wanted to take a closer look at what was written in the book it disappeared. I knew it was Master giving me a hint. From then on I started to study the Fa, and many questions I had earlier gradually became clear to me.
One day in 2004, while I was listening to Master's Fa lectures, I heard Master say (paraphrase), "Such a wonderful thing; why don't you learn it by heart?"
I had heard this many times before, but never took much notice. When I heard this sentence this time I felt my heart quiver, as if Master was saying this particularly to me. Indeed, "Such a wonderful thing; why don't we learn it by heart?" I kept repeating this sentence and my mind was deeply touched.
After that I started to memorizing the Fa. I eliminated all kinds of interference and steadily kept memorizing the Fa, paragraph by paragraph. Every morning I would memorize the Fa, the more the better. I have enlightened to more Fa principles than before; even a bit of punctuation could inspire me. While I was memorizing the Fa I would all of a sudden realize a Fa principle or suddenly realize that my previous actions were not based on the Fa as well as the attachments behind it, or became aware of some of the attachments I thought I had let go of but had become hidden more deeply. I would feel that I had entered the Fa and was enveloped by the Fa. The feeling was extremely wonderful, beyond description.
Now, the more I memorize the Fa, the more I enjoy doing it. I feel very solid in my mind, no matter what I do, be it going out to do Dafa work or clarifying the facts. Because I have Dafa in my heart and mind, whenever there is a problem or conflict, the Fa will naturally appear in my mind. In fact, Master's hints guide every improvement I make. Master's hardships are embedded in them.
Master said,
"You think you've healed someone, and when people call you "qigong master" you feel pretty good about yourself, and you get conceited. Isn't that an attachment? And when you can't heal someone, you hang your head, depressed. Isn't that because of your attachment to reputation and personal gain?" (The Second Talk in Zhuan Falun, 2003 translation version)
Whenever I read this line I feel inspired. I really like hearing praise, and feel very comfortable and pleased with myself. I always gladly accept positive compliments. Because of the habits I have developed in everyday people's society, I find it hard to accept any criticism from others, not even a disapproving glance. By and by I have formed this notion.
Once during a group Fa-study when we had just started reading the Fa a fellow practitioner said, "I would like to say a few words." He then said a lot of things with a stern face, blaming me; many of them were not even true. My face did not show emotion, but inside I felt very uncomfortable. I could hardly focus on the Fa-study afterwards. For the next few days my mind was rather uneasy. However, I could find nothing I had done wrong. Even so, I felt unhappy when others pointed things out to me and felt upset. I thought I'd better explain to the fellow practitioner that this was what happened with the first problem, and that was what happened with the second...
While I was talking I suddenly realized: Am I not validating myself? This is a typical attachment to self. I'm trying to cover up and explain away my attachment to vanity and personal desire for fame and gain. When it "hurts" my self-respect, I would use Dafa's work to make excuses for myself. I realized that I should not only look at the specific issues themselves, but should examine my xinxing through them and think deeply.
Master said,
"He's afraid of losing his reputation, and he'd even rather get the illness himself than lose face. He's that attached to his reputation!" (The Second Talk in Zhuan Falun)
Wasn't Master talking about my attachment? This incident deeply touched me. I should really thank that fellow practitioner for his heart-wrenching "criticism." Now, I feel much calmer whether I hear praise or criticism. I can immediately realize my shortcomings and correct them based on the Fa. In fact, every improvement we make is due to Dafa's mighty power.
Once I was memorizing this paragraph:
"If you are always compassionate and friendly to others, if you always consider other people when you do things, and whenever you have issues with other people you first think about whether they can take it or whether it will cause them harm, then you won't have any problem." (The Fourth Talk in Zhuan Falun)
Suddenly I thought: A fellow practitioner runs a Dafa materials production site at her home and her child is still very young. She needs to go to work and take care of her parents, and she also needs to do Dafa work. Is she able to take on all this? Won't all this affect her Fa-study and doing the exercises? Why can't I take over some of her work?
I went to the materials production site. She was printing copies of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. I asked her to teach me how to do it. She said, "It is very easy. Just highlight the page numbers you want to print and press the number of copies you want, then press "print." I tried it once. It was very easy.
I went to the material site again another day to print out copies of the Nine Commentaries. However, when I sat in front of the computer, I realized that I did not even know how to start the computer. I pressed here and there, but nothing showed up. When I eventually started the computer, the Nine Commentaries did not appear, and I needed a password to log on. I knew the password. I started to send forth righteous thoughts, to ask Master to help me. It took me over an hour, and still I could not get it to work. I blamed myself for relying on others too much and always expecting that things were made ready for me and for not thinking of others.
Then it was time for sending forth righteous thoughts at midday. I immediately switched off the computer according to procedures and started sending forth righteous thoughts. However, when I opened my eyes later, I saw that the computer was not switched off and showed exactly what I was looking for--the Nine Commentaries. I was excited. Just then Master's words flashed in my mind:
"My Law bodies are aware of everything. Whatever you think about, they're aware of it, and they can do anything. If you don't cultivate they won't look after you, but if you do cultivate, they'll help you all the way to the end." (The Fourth Talk in Zhuan Falun)
With the help of Master's law bodies, not only could I print out the Nine Commentaries, but I was also able to patch up what was missed and make use of all the left-over copies of the pages. I did not need to think, and nobody was teaching me. I was able to do what needed to be done at one glance. Dafa gave me the wisdom. I realized what we needed to do was rescue sentient beings and widely spread the Nine Commentaries.
Looking Within
Once, when I was trying to memorize a paragraph in the chapter "Martial Arts Qigong," I could not memorize it no matter how hard I tried. I decided to look within. Lately I had found the sight of my husband annoying. Each time I saw him I was filled with anger. I realized suddenly, "Isn't this a fighting mentality?" I had to laugh at myself. Why did I need to contend with a non-practitioner spouse? Then I realized many other things that related to this attachment, even when I was doing work to validate the Fa. The attachments were shown before my eyes, one after another. I had always thought I had no mentality for fighting, even before I started cultivation. After I started cultivation practice, even less so.
This was actually only a shallow, superficial understanding. Looking deeper made me become aware that although I did not overtly fight for things, it did not mean I did not have a mentality for fighting. I did have it, and it was quite strong, too. At home, my husband and my son always had to agree that I was in the right. In front of fellow practitioners, I always tried to boast how many materials I had distributed, how much I had transcribed the Fa, and how much I had recited the Fa... What a strong attachment to recognition! Dafa made me realize and helped me discover my competitive mentality. When I was aware of this I felt really relaxed and soon was able to recite that above-mentioned paragraph.
Once my son and daughter-in-law came to dinner to our home. I combined the newly made cold dish with the leftovers. When my son saw this he started berating me. My son was always very respectful of me, but this time he was really beside himself and criticized me in front of my daughter-in-law. I felt hurt and upset. Had this not happened in the presence of my daughter-in-law I would have rebuked him straight away until he got quiet. Still, I murmured something to myself. What's worse, my husband also joined my son to berate me. I felt even more upset. I tried very hard not to snap at them. Suddenly, Master's words came into my mind,
"Maybe you can endure it but you can't get it off your mind. That's not good enough." (The Ninth Talk in Zhuan Falun)
I smiled and felt very calm, thinking "You are a Dafa disciple. How can you not even endure such a small thing?"
June 30, 2007
