(Clearwisdom.net) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. Since the persecution began in July 1999, due to my attachment to fear, I did not study the Fa diligently and did not do well the three things Master arranged for us to do. Even now, my attachments to fear and comfort have not been completely eliminated. However, a few recent events gave me insights into my problem, and showed me how to cultivate diligently and be a true Dafa practitioner during the Fa-rectification period.
A few days ago, on my way home, I saw a person pushing a cart up a hill. She was having a hard time. I got off my bike and helped her push her cart. Then I thought I should clarify the facts to her. However, it was rush hour, and there were many other cars and people. My attachment to fear emerged, and I thought that since two major holidays were coming during which police were more likely to arrest practitioners, I should be more careful and should not clarify the facts to her. I looked around, and felt as though everyone was staring at me. I left in a hurry. While leaving, I thought, "Am I still a Dafa practitioner? Our Teacher has endured so much for us, and is being slandered, yet I was not even brave enough to clarify the facts to people out of fear." I slowly rode my bike up the hill, and saw that she was there waiting for me. I looked around again, and saw that nobody else was there. I knew that Teacher was helping me make this important step.
I have a son who is very naughty but smart. He gets good grades in school. However, he does not often finish his homework. Because of this, his schoolteacher has talked with me several times. Every time after his teacher left, I would throw a fit and yell at him. Recently, his teacher said that he had not done his homework for three days in a row. I became very angry and wanted to spank him. Suddenly I remembered the Teacher's words,
"Some people will lose their temper in disciplining children and yell at them, making quite a scene. You should not be that way in disciplining children, and neither should you, yourselves get really upset. You should educate children with reason so that you can really teach them well." (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I also remembered that the Teacher said,
"[everyone] examines his own xinxing to look for the causes of wrongdoing..."(Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I held back my anger and thought about myself. As I looked inside, I realized that I had not done well the three things that the Teacher asked us to do every day. Isn't this the same as my son not finishing his homework? I was not very active in clarifying the facts. When it came to Fa study, I often became tired when reading the book at night. I couldn't even finish one lecture of Zhuan Falun a day. I felt deeply ashamed.
As soon as I got home, my son said, "Mom, I didn't mean to skip homework. I really forgot! It won't happen again." In my heart, I also told Teacher, "Teacher, I will definitely do well the three things in the future!"
I cannot see anything through my celestial eye. Some days I am diligent, other days not so diligent. I often feel frustrated about this, and think that because I haven't cultivated well, Teacher has given up on me. Otherwise why can't I feel anything special?
One day I went to my sister's house. As I was leaving with my two children, I saw that I had a flat tire on my bike. I tried to pump air into the tire, but it didn't work. It was already dark and the bike repair place nearby was closed. I tried pumping again and this time the tire stayed inflated. But as soon as I got home, the air was gone again. I took the bike to a repair shop the next day. It turned out there was a big rip in my tire. The rip was so long that it was beyond repair. The tire had to be replaced. I knew that it was our benevolent Teacher who helped me. Otherwise I would have to walk home with my two children. Isn't this the great power of Dafa?
Teacher often said that we should look inward when a conflict arises. Whenever I hear other people talk about their conflicts, I often look on the surface and think that I don't have a problem in that regard. I sometimes even feel quite good about myself, thinking that I have cultivated well and have taken fame and profit lightly. However, when I truly search inward, I can see a deeply seated, extremely filthy attachment of selfishness.
My son and my sister's son were born in the same year. They both grew up around me, and I felt that I was able to divide everything between them equally. Actually in my heart, I treated them differently. When my son asked for something, regardless of price, I would buy it for him. When my sister's son asked for something, I would only buy it if it was inexpensive. The same was true with food. I always wanted my son to eat more, yet did not care if my sister's son ate more or less. When both children made a mistake, I could always easily see the faults of my sister's son, yet thought that my son was smart. Even if my son really did something wrong, I would find the excuse that he was just a child. Now that I found my hidden attachment to selfishness, I will try my best to dispel and eliminate it.
I will cherish this once-in-a-thousand-year opportunity to study the Fa well, cultivate my mind, and do well the three things Teacher asked us to do. Only then can I be a truly diligent Dafa disciple during the Fa-rectification period.
Category: Improving Oneself
