"Searching Within" - A Great Tool
(Clearwisdom.net) Ever since Teacher started teaching the Fa, he has always told us that regardless of what issue we have encountered, we need to look at ourselves and find problems in our own xinxing -- searching within and cultivating ourselves. As I calm down, I ask myself, how did I do?
Teacher said in "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles,"
"How many of you seated here can keep at ease when someone points at you out of the blue and berates you? How many of you can stay unruffled and search for the reason on your part when faced with others' criticism and chiding?"
When I look at myself, I feel that I am still far from it.
In "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles," Teacher emphasized heavily the issue of practitioners not being able to accept criticism from others. Thus I have been paying special attention to it. But often I am unable to keep my xinxing stable at critical moments and cannot help but quarrel with others. At those moments, my heart starts racing and I even get upset. This of course is not a right state of mind and is far from the state of a cultivator. The reason for it is that I still am not paying enough attention to this issue. On the superficial level, it seems that I did pay attention to it, but there was no change deep in my heart. The human reason that was formed through thousands of years, as well as the competitive mentality from the Communist culture, did not change a bit.
From the Fa, we all know that an attachment has strong associations with matters in other dimensions. Particular states of mind, such as not searching within oneself, always pushing problems onto others, liking to hear good words, and not being able to hear criticism, are manifested as mountains in other dimensions. We cannot move these mountains, neither could any cultivation form in the past but by help from a master. "Cultivation depends on one's own efforts, while transforming gong is done by one's master." (Zhuan Falun) As long as we truly cultivate ourselves and search within, Teacher will remove these mountains for us, in the same amount as we cultivate. At the same time, in the process of looking withing and cultivating ourselves, we continue to enlighten to the sacred Fa.
A few days ago, my wife encountered some problems and wanted to take up some of my time. I was not very happy about it and said, "You always look for things for me to do. I don't have enough time to study the Fa. If I don't cultivate well, no one at home is really safe. See, evil is taking advantage of the loopholes." At the time, I thought that I had a good reason and it was from the Fa's perspective. I felt pretty good about myself. However, the next evening, my wife walked in the room as I was studying the Fa. She pointed her finger at my nose and accused me of thinking of myself as infallible. She went on and on for a while to scold me. When I was just about to talk back, I suddenly remembered, "Didn't I just read 'Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles'? She really is scolding me with a finger pointing at me!" I kept control of myself but still felt uneasy. After I calmed down and thought about it, I realized that it was a simple matter. I did not study the Fa well, and I was blaming others for it instead of looking within. The next day when I talked to my wife about this matter, she laughed.
Cultivation requires one to continuously search within, cultivating oneself and letting go of attachments. Yesterday, my workplace had its annual employee review. There was not much criticism on the review form that I received and I treated the feedback calmly. However, during the lunch break, when there was no one else in the room, my manager told me that some people thought that I spoke to others harshly and that I should pay attention to it from now on. At the time, my answer was, "Yes, I do have this problem. I should pay more attention to it." My manager smiled. I thought to myself, "I just finished studying 'Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles' a few days ago. I should be able to take the criticism." So I didn't explain myself. However, I still felt uneasy in my heart. I felt that I had lost face. At the time, my throat was very uncomfortable as if it was stuffed with feathers. I felt sore all over and very tired. It had started the night before and had lasted over ten hours. I started to feel that I had a legitimate grievance and complaint. I thought, "Why do you have to tell me this now? Couldn't you wait till I feel better?" I was also not very convinced of the criticism. Yet the righteous thoughts told me that these are just a sentimental mentality and attachments of which I should let go. I searched within myself and slowly regained calmness. It felt very good.
By that night, I felt even worse. I was feeling cold no matter what warm food I ate. With that, I had one thought, "I am a Dafa disciple. I should believe in Teacher and the Fa firmly. I should search within unconditionally. Let's see what you can stir up. I won't pay attention to it."
When I went to bed, I seemed to have some enlightenment. The old forces had detailed arrangements for us. Even a single thought of a disciple is not a coincidence. They had arranged these bad things for us, then used them as excuses to persecute us during Fa-rectification as they try to destroy us. How evil it is. But Teacher asks us to search within and cultivate ourselves. When we truly follow it, then the arrangements of the old forces will lose their usefulness.
Moreover, when we search within unconditionally, we can also break away from the fundamental characteristic of beings in the old cosmos, that is, selfishness. And we can walk away from the old cosmos and into the magnificent new cosmos. From that perspective, searching within is a great tool that Master has given us. We should cherish it, cultivate ourselves well, and become better at validating the Fa and saving sentient beings.
The next morning when I woke up, I didn't feel as bad. I went to work and wrote down this experience sharing. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.