(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings, respected Master! Greetings fellow practitioners!
I want to use this opportunity to share my cultivation experiences in recent years, having gone through a life change--from being single to getting married. I would like to relate what happened on my cultivation path after marriage.
Before I was married I felt my cultivation had reached an impasse. I did not know how to break through to a higher level. I couldn't sense any significant improvement when studying the Fa. Later I realized that I had not studied the Fa calmly. Moreover, in the process of doing the three things, I hadn't looked inward to eliminate my fundamental attachments. This gave me the false impression that I had reached my cultivation limit.
This lasted for quite a while. After I got married I began practicing in a new, different cultivation environment. I had not considered things from this aspect since I began cultivation. Speaking with my wife about this, I eventually realized that there are NO coincidences. I understood that perhaps this new environment is the way Master had arranged for me to cultivate.
Initially in my married life, the arrangement of my time and life was almost the same as when I was single. Also, I thought that since my wife was also a practitioner we would avoid relationship problems in our new life together. I thought that I had cultivated for such a long time, my understanding of the Fa was at a high level, and I had more experiences in Fa-validation, so I thought my own understandings were correct and beneficial for Fa-validation. Therefore, I simply made decisions by myself and seldom considered my wife's feelings. Conflicts then began to surface.
After a while, my wife began to not listen to me most of the time. Little by little, when conflicts arose, her attitude toward me worsened. She respected me before we were married. We had no misunderstandings. Now, the attitudinal difference prevented me from maintaining my xinxing. Sometimes I didn't think from the perspective of the Fa. I sometimes thought about the Fa, but couldn't follow it. Certainly, sometimes I could maintain my xinxing, but my cultivation was not stable. I didn't cultivate well and failed to understand this minor tribulation well enough. I sometimes even wished my wife would improve first and look inward first, and I even entertained the idea of helping her improve. However, things were not happening the way I had hoped, and conflicts became even larger and more severe.
I had to start thinking calmly about why I wanted to cultivate, and how to cultivate. After thinking it over carefully, I knew Dafa was the most important thing in my life, and that I must cultivate well and reach consummation. I then thought I must endure at all times. At first, I was merely suppressing my feelings. As I studied the Fa more, I began considering my wife's feelings first. I began to consider her point of view more and discuss things regarding doing the "three things." Even when my wife did not follow my suggestions, I would no longer argue.
Master said,
"Also, let's talk a little about human beings. Nowadays people consider emotion really important, yet emotion is one of the most unreliable things. "When you're nice to me I'm happy, and when you're no longer nice to me the feeling is gone." Then how could you count on that thing? Could emotional ties sustain a marriage? With human beings there's not just moral obligation involved, but also, between man and wife, you are indebted to each other. So in terms of the woman, when she has put her whole life in your hands, the man should realize, "This woman has entrusted her whole life to me. I have to be responsible for her." The sense of indebtedness that a husband and wife have for each other is something people don't recognize or value today. Of course, the state of society now isn't like [what I just described], so I don't hold you to that. As Dafa disciples you should handle yourselves well and try your best to avoid such things [as divorce]. " ("Teaching the Fa at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students")
Suddenly, once I had comprehended this Fa teaching, I understood how a proper relationship between husband and wife should be. All of the dissatisfaction I had accumulated toward my wife disappeared. I told myself that I should be responsible for her, as her life is not easy. I should cherish her more. Whenever conflicts arose in the future, I recalled Master's words, and I never became angry. Gradually I realized that I had ego problems: "My ideas are better, my ways are more correct." I did not consider matters from her point of view. As a single man, I had not known how difficult cultivation as a married man could be. Now I know that the difficulties arose from my ego, which I had not recognized and not given up for long time.
Since gaining this understanding, my wife and I have not had big xinxing conflicts. Our life eventually became harmonious and our financial circumstances improved. But something else happened. Because I had not been in charge of Fa-validation projects for a while, I slacked off in my responsibility for sentient beings and Dafa, and only participated in group activities if I had time.
I was in continuous conflict and did not raise my level from the standpoint of the Fa. I often felt mentally and physically tired. Therefore, to relax, I would sometimes access ordinary people's websites and play video games. I had improved on family issues, but I could not quit these habits. I knew this was wrong and a waste of time. But my will was weak, and did not seem strong enough to immediately stop these habits. Sometimes my strong resolve persevered and I would do better, sometimes not.
I knew it was thought karma or interference, and not my true self. And yet, I could not resist those impulses when my righteous thoughts were weak and my attachment to leisure took over. Each time I succumbed to my desire I felt polluted and dirty and dared not look at Master's picture, but I wished at the same time from the bottom of my heart that Master would forgive me. I knew many beings were watching when I did those things, and I came up with all kinds of excuses, such as, "The part I cultivated well has been separated, and the part I have not cultivated well has human attachments. Many of my parts already assimilated to the Fa when I was diligent." This dilemma of suffering prevailed on and off. I felt endless mental anguish, a pain that is the pain of hopelessness and helplessness. It is a complete contrast to the happiness I experience when I am diligent with Fa validation work.
However, the belief in Dafa in my mind was actually never shaken. I only sensed my weak will, lacking strength and fortitude. When I could not concentrate on Fa study, I repeated, "Falun Dafa is good." One day, I suddenly had the wish to go validate the Fa in front of the Chinese Embassy. This was initially a weak thought, and the force that blocked me was strong. I asked for Master's help, saying, "I want to validate the Fa in front of the Chinese Embassy. Master, please help me eliminate all interference." Before long I was able to do it successfully. When I finally sat in front of the Chinese Embassy and did the exercises, what a wonderful feeling I had! Looking back today, it is the belief I have in Master and the Fa and thinking of Master at critical moments that helped me pass this long and painful tribulation. Since passing it, I feel it is at a remote distance, and I no longer want to think about it.
I have a renewed understanding about respecting Master and the Fa since breaking though this "life and death" tribulation. During Fa study I no longer focus too much on quantity. Before I study the Fa, I empty my mind and calm down. I re-study one paragraph if I don't consciously focus on a specific part of it. I read on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website that heavenly beings kneel when they study the Fa. I think it should be this way. So, I do the same if conditions allow. Soon I experienced continuous feelings of improving within the Fa, and I constantly tried to identify attachments arising from my every single thought. I felt I was raising my level.
Having abandoned my hidden competitive mentality, when I again met Chinese people and those working in the Embassy I remembered Master's words:
"Let me tell you, every person in the entire world was at one point part of my family, including the worst people, or else they'd have no chance to be a human being during this time. What happened in history is what they have gone through and what they chose for themselves. The most despicable are the old forces. They dare to massacre my people at will since they don't belong to them. What's held in Master's heart are all the people there are." ("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference")
Master's family is my family, therefore I feel the chasm between those Chinese and me is much narrower, and I chat with them like I would with my family. Master spoke of the preciousness of their original life's origin, so I cherish these people very much.
Master said,
"Dafa disciples are now sentient beings' only, sole hope for salvation..." ("Righteous Thoughts")
Sometimes I remind myself that their knowing sides have their hopes in Dafa disciples, and I must give them the chance. Since my xinxing improved I have more compassion, and my words have more power. When I talk with them, many Chinese laugh happily, and some even quit the CCP right in front of the Chinese Embassy. Perhaps their knowing sides are aware that Dafa disciples are offering them salvation.
At this era toward the end of the Fa rectification period, I hope I can remain diligent, do the three things well and not feel any regret when it finishes. I can then tell Master and those sentient beings who have put their hope in me that I have done my best.
Heshi
