(Clearwisdom.net) I obtained the Fa in the summer of 1999. During the past several years of cultivation I've encountered a lot of challenges and difficulties, and I've also learned so much from my experience during this process. Here I would like to share my experiences and understanding with you about searching inward, and improving oneself through conflicts and tensions.
This year at the Edinburgh International Festival many practitioners came to participate in the Cavalcade from all over the UK. I was given the responsibility of providing accommodations, meals and costumes for the cavalcade. I'd been advised by my practitioner friend not to lose my temper this time, as I have in the past, and take the opportunity to improve my character further. I understood completely and constantly reminded myself to guard my speech.
On Friday, practitioners started to arrive at the place we booked in Edinburgh from different cities in the UK. Due to a shortage of rooms, some practitioners had to sleep on the floor. On Saturday morning, several more practitioners arrived looking obviously exhausted after a long overnight drive. We had booked more rooms for them as planned, but we couldn't get the keys until evening. I was thinking of arranging for them to temporarily share with other practitioners so they could have a short rest. Among these practitioners there was a senior Western practitioner. I wasn't quite sure if he would sleep on the floor, and I was a bit hesitant to ask. Then he asked me why he didn't have a room to stay in since he booked one for himself three weeks in advance. I'd been very stressed and pressured with all the organizing, so I felt piqued and started to complain before he could get an opportunity to express himself, "I asked you all to book your rooms three MONTHS ago, but nobody listened. Does anyone have any idea how difficult it is to find and book a cheap place in Edinburgh during the festival?" As you can imagine, he was obviously not happy with my reaction, and he said he wouldn't come next time if things were going to be handled like this, and was leaving right after he finished the exercises, then he walked away and started to do the exercises . I almost told him he should consider his own xinxing!
While he was doing the exercises, I felt my heart and mind were stirred. I could feel two forces fighting within my body, one was the demon nature, which made me feel wrongly treated, angry and wanting to argue with the practitioner; the other was my reasonable side, reminding me to behave like a practitioner, calm down and follow Master's instructions to look within myself.
Master said,
"For us cultivators conflicts come up suddenly. So what should we do? If you always keep a compassionate heart, and a peaceful state of mind, when you run into problems you'll handle them well because it will give you space as a buffer. If you are always compassionate and friendly to others, if you always consider other people when you do things, and whenever you have issues with other people you first think about whether they can take it or whether it will cause them harm, then you won't have any problem." (Zhuan Falun, 2003 Translation Version)
I asked myself how I would feel if I was in his shoes. I should have considered that this senior practitioner had been traveling overnight stuffed into a shared car with several others. Imagine how exhausted he would be without a proper night's rest. Furthermore, he'd helped design the float and probably had little time to rest himself.
I started to blame myself, and tried to figure out what was hampering me from being considerate and throw so many complaints his way. After I realized that I had a strong ego hiding behind the complaints, I calmed myself down completely. Isn't cultivation about getting rid of our attachments, including egotism? At that moment I felt very strongly that I should apologize to him, so I did. As I approached him, before I could speak, he started to speak about how he'd looked inward and discovered his own attachments. The more he said, the guiltier I felt. Observing his sincerity, I could hardly hold back my tears, because I could feel the power of the Fa, I could see that everything would be fine when we looked inwards and improved ourselves.
Although this small incident helped me recognize my attachment, the attachment of ego wouldn't be painlessly removed all at once. Our notions might be generated from generations of incarnations, deeply rooted in our body layer by layer, and will come out once they are touched.
Cavalcade was to begin that afternoon. Some practitioners were doing make-up and others were chatting in the meeting room. I felt worried about the situation, so I suggested to them that they send forth righteous thoughts and recite the Fa. Practitioners on the fourth floor took my suggestions happily. However, I didn't feel confident to speak to the girls upstairs, because I was afraid that they might be angry with me. I feared that some practitioners might speak harshly to me and embarrass me, so I made the suggestion indirectly.
After the cavalcade, most of the practitioners went back to the cities they came from, though some of us stayed and shared experiences that evening. A practitioner told me that some of the girls weren't comfortable with my suggestions that morning. She also advised me that I shouldn't assume that practitioners weren't serious about the activities just because their behavior was different from what I expected. Blood rushed to my face, my heart pounded, and I felt sour in my nose. I tried my best to control my temper before it lashed out. I admitted that I wasn't very confident in giving my advice. A practitioner pointed out my shortcoming directly, saying that I should pay more attention to other practitioners' goodness instead of complaining about other practitioners' shortcomings. She explained how many hardships others had overcome to come to Edinburgh. She also helped me understand more clearly how hard practitioners have been working on the dances to achieve a better performance, how practitioners were helping each other to make the activity a success. I recalled the moment I had given my advice; on the one hand I was afraid of being misunderstood, on the other hand I mixed my complaint with the advice I proposed, and consequently it had caused some practitioners to be unhappy with my advice. Had I been more kind and calm, I would have achieved much better results.
During the day's activities in Edinburgh, I came across several conflicts and tensions with other practitioners. Although they appeared to be different, I found that all of these conflicts resulted from my own selfishness, my being wronged, my contribution, my tiredness, my reputation and other factors relevant to myself. Because of these attachments, I have unpleasant arguments with others, which can sometimes bother me for quite a long time. I've realized these attachments exist, but find them hard to eliminate.
After the Edinburgh festival, I found more time to read Master's lectures. "In Touring North America to Teach the Fa," Master says,
"But the layers upon layers of beings have become impure, and even the last being has become impure. When they're helping me, at the same time they hide their selfish intention of protecting themselves. They all want to change others but not themselves--no one wants to change himself--and they even try to preserve as much as possible the things they're attached to and won't let go of."
I understood that the old cosmos cannot avoid the final stage due to its selfishness, while the great law in the new cosmos requires all beings to look inward so as to mend themselves automatically, to purify the cosmos. Master has already taught us how to let go of our attachments, and it is up to us to choose to follow the Fa of the old cosmos or the Fa of the new cosmos. If we do not follow this law of the new cosmos, we will probably play into the old force's hands.
While working on the activities of the Edinburgh festival over the last few years, I often felt I was not treated fairly. My contributions and efforts resulted in others' complaints. However, I felt different this year because my heart was peaceful and content. I learned how to look inward in conflicts and tensions, and I truly sensed the beautiful state of mind of being able to let go. My peaceful mind came from my understanding of Teacher's words: to know the Fa from the Fa. Before, I was afraid of conflicts and tensions; now I am enlightened to the fact that only in the midst of conflicts and tensions can we cultivate to the righteous thoughts of selflessness by looking inward.
I will absolutely deny the arrangement of the old forces of the cosmos, walk the path arranged by Master by searching inside myself, get rid of my selfish attachments to achieve truly righteous enlightenment.
Finally please allow me to share with you Master's Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles :
"Cultivate yourselves. I don't want the environment Dafa disciples have to become one in which people point fingers at each other. I want the environment to be one in which everyone can accept criticism and at the same time look inside themselves. If everyone cultivates himself, everyone looks within, and everyone cultivates himself well, won't the conflicts be few? This is a principle I have taught all along, going back to when I first began teaching the Fa. Isn't that so? Improvement for a cultivator definitely doesn't result from finger pointing, nor does it result from my criticism of you as your Master or from your pointing fingers at or criticizing each other. It comes from you cultivating yourself."
Thank you dear Master, thank you all.
