Greetings Master, greetings fellow practitioners.
My name is Kelly and I have been practicing Falun Dafa for eight years. I joined the Lotus Arts Group four years ago and was involved with the past couple of Chinese New Year's Spectaculars. In preparation for next year's show and to improve our dancing, we came to America this summer for intensive training.
I enjoy dancing because I like to present its beauty and grace, and I find that it is a powerful way to validate the Fa. Through almost one hundred performances that I have been involved in, we have reached thousands of people in many communities. I knew how effective dance was as a tool for saving sentient beings.
I thought that my dance skills were good enough to at least pass in group dances. My major problem with dancing has always been my inflexibility, especially in my back. Flexibility is essential for a dancer, because it enhances the movements and enables a wider range of expressions. Whenever people criticized me about how inflexible I was, I pretended to forbear it or forget about it like it wasn't a big deal. I thought that as long as I could do the movements and perform on stage, I was doing fine. I didn't realize that this was a shadow to cover up my attachments to looking good, saving face and not wanting to endure pain.
Master mentioned in Zhuan Falun that when we upgrade a level, our xinxing must also go up with it. Thus, in order for me to improve my dancing, my xinxing would also have to increase. At this crucial time, Fa-rectification is moving forward so quickly, and the Fa has set higher requirements for us. I used to have the notion that I was not a professional dancer, so I didn't have to work as hard or try difficult movements. But now we need better skills to clarify the truth in the form of art on a larger scale. In addition, we need to become professionals in our dancing in order to save more sentient beings. I realized that my personal dance conditions would create an obstacle for me to upgrade in my dancing, and I would have to overcome it.
I always like to set high expectations of myself. Most of the time through hard work I can meet those expectations, but when I don't, I feel disappointed that I have failed. This is in fact an attachment to meeting expectations and the fear of failure.
Just a few days after arriving in the U.S. for dance training, I found out that we had to do bridges and other technical moves that involved flexibility, especially in the back. You can imagine how worried and uneasy I felt ¡V it was like hitting the bull's eye with my attachments. I didn't want to do it, and I gave myself the excuse that I'm not a professional dancer anyway.
One day, everyone was practicing these moves very hard. Immediately, I felt my heart plummet, because it meant I would have to do it too. I thought to myself, "If everyone else can do it, I can too." So I tried and asked Master to help me, but collapsed each time because of the pain. I felt so guilty that I could not do it, even though I had been dancing for a long time. My face was covered with blood spots that looked as if I was punched in the eyes. My heart was moved ¡V I was choked with tears and feelings of worthlessness and a loss of self-confidence. At that moment, I just wanted to give up. I felt as if dance was just too hard and that I should just join some other Falun Dafa project instead.
Of course, these were only excuses to cover up my attachments. As I studied the Fa more and more, I realized that it really didn't matter whether or not I could do the flexibility movements. The point was whether or not I could let go of my self. In retrospect, the notion about doing things because others can do them is also an attachment. Everyone's conditions are different, and everyone has different things to cultivate. We should learn from the good qualities of others, yet not be attached to comparing ourselves with them. As Master said in "Teaching the Fa at the US Capital,"
"Cultivation is about cultivating one's self. No matter what kind of state emerges, you need to take a hard look at yourself."
After reflecting on it for a long time, I felt that I had to break through my perceptions about not being a professional dancer, and truly become more responsible to Dafa. Every day I memorized a poem from Hong Yin while walking to the practice site from the dorm. This helped me always keep Dafa in my heart. Everything started with a change in the heart. In my dancing, I would stretch a little more, and exercise a little longer. After a while, I had a lot more energy and stamina to last through a day's training and felt like I was getting more flexible.
In the poem "Tempering the Will," Master mentioned, "Let joy be found in hardship." (Hong Yin, English Translation Version A). I always recite it and think that it is an easy thing to do. But when the pain is really here, all of a sudden it seems just like the huge mountain Master described about our karma, and it seems impossible to overcome.
When the pain set in, I thought to myself, "Master has given me so much to upgrade myself, but it is up to me to do it." Then gradually, the pain subdued and it really didn't seem that hard to forbear any longer. Actually now, whenever I don't experience pain, I kind of miss it.
I think that when we really have faith in Dafa and in Master, anything can change. Although doing the bridge is still a challenge for me, I can do it. Of course, I know there are still many things for me to improve on, but I can see now that miracles do happen when our hearts allow them to. The power to change is within ourselves, and as practitioners, we all have the ability to do anything we put our righteous minds to.
Master said in "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles,"
"As a matter of fact, anything in human society, as long as I choose it, can be used for Dafa disciples' cultivation."
In fact, dance is cultivation, as it is all about enduring pain, overcoming xinxing tests on and off the dance floor and using wisdom and righteous thoughts to rectify the Fa. The Fa and Master now have higher requirements for us to cultivate, and it is only through conflicts and enduring pain that we can upgrade ourselves. Perhaps in many ways, dance enables me to better eliminate my karma physically and cultivate many attachments mentally, dissolving attachments to fame, reputation and comfort.
Every time I see Master helping us, from hammering fans to choreographing dances, I feel the importance of our performance. It is such a powerful way to save sentient beings, and we are creating a righteous new culture for mankind. Master has arranged the perfect environment for us to cultivate, like a stage set for unfolding the long course of history. No matter how big or small our role is, we all have to do it well. On this journey, we only have one way to go, and that is to do better.
Finally, I'd like to end with Master's poem "Assisting Fa,"
Make the wish to save all beings,
Assist Master with the journey in the world;
Aid me in turning Falun,
Fa forms, heaven and earth move.
(Hong Yin, English Translation)
Thank you Master for your boundless benevolence, and thank you fellow practitioners.