(Clearwisdom.net) I am a Falun Dafa practitioner from China, and I began practicing Falun Gong in 1998. I established a home-based truth-clarification material production site two years ago. We first started with a copy machine, and then used a computer to go online, download, and print materials.
Without doubt the truth-clarification materials production site is very important in assisting Teacher to rectify the Fa, eradicate the evil, save sentient beings whose minds have been poisoned by slanderous lies, make it easier to share experiences with practitioners, and so on. All this is the reason why the authorities want to destroy materials production sites. Therefore, if a practitioner who is active at such sites is not diligent in his or her Fa study, he or she can easily fall prey to the state of just doing the work. When that happens, it is very easy for the evil to take advantage of this loophole and achieve its goal of destroying the site. Studying the Fa well is the fundamental guarantee of doing well the three things.
I was not diligent enough in studying the Fa during the past two years, because I was busy producing truth clarification and other Dafa materials. This allowed the evil to latch onto this loophole. It almost caused great damage. I am committing my experience to paper to remind fellow practitioners to be diligent with their Fa study at all times.
Recently, I distributed copies of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and truth-clarifying VCDs at all the apartment building entrances in my residential area. The next day someone called the city government and said that he had discovered Falun Gong fliers. City government officials sent employees to investigate, claiming that higher-level authorities demand that the responsible person be arrested as soon as possible. I happened to overhear this and became slightly concerned. But I reasoned that it did not matter, as they did not control the situation. I immediately began sending forth righteous thoughts.
Soon after this, the local police knocked on my door one afternoon. Because there were so many Dafa materials, a printer, raw materials, and so on all over the place, and because I felt that my righteous thoughts were not strong enough, I remained quiet and did not open the door. What I did not expect was that the police would knock again so soon after. I became more and more afraid, and my heart raced. The police left after knocking once again for a while.
At the same time, a fellow practitioner had asked for copies of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. I wondered if I should print them. I hesitated and decided to wait a bit. But then I felt that I should not have such feelings. Teacher told us to "Spread widely the Nine Commentaries" ("For the Good of the World"). I asked myself, "How can I delay doing the right thing because of my fear?" I began to print the Nine Commentaries. After printing twenty copies, the electrical current cut off for the fourth time. I clearly felt intrusion and interference by the evil, so I sent righteous thoughts unceasingly, "I do not allow (you) to cut off the power." I finally finished printing.
Just three minutes after I had returned from delivering the Nine Commentaries, the police knocked on the door. My heart almost jumped out of my throat. I was grateful for Teacher's protection, which had prevented me from bumping into the police as I returned home, but I still did not dare to open the door. That evening I mentioned this issue to my child. He said, "It will not help you if you do not open the door." I responded, "There are so many things here. What should I do?" I asked my son to ask a fellow practitioner if I could transfer the Dafa material to her home temporarily. My child came back and told me, "She wants you to find the solution on your own." Hearing this, my fear rose threefold. However, I told him, "Perhaps this is what I need to face. Let's not be resentful!"
But I really knew of nowhere to hide the material and equipment. I could only hide everything temporarily at home--under the beds or inside the cabinets. I could not think of any other solution. Therefore, I covered Teacher's picture with a non-practitioner's painting. Although I felt in my heart that this was not what I should do, my fear made me follow these thoughts. I was full of fear during sending righteous thoughts and studying Teacher's scriptures. My mind was not at ease and the effect could not reach full measure. After that, the police came again twice and knocked on the door. I became so scared that, whenever I heard a knock on the door, my heart beat relentlessly. I felt great pressure, and I could not eat much for four or five days. The mental pressure became more intense as time went by.
Then I had a dream. A large classroom was filled with people. They were all staring at me quietly. One sentence appeared in my mind, "You must handle it well! You must handle it well!" Tears ran down my face immediately. This was Teacher's merciful hint, "Sentient beings and gods are watching you! You must handle it well!" I did the heshi gesture of respect (by pressing one's hands together in front of one's chest) and asked Teacher to strengthen my righteous thoughts.
My child saw my state of mind and said, "Mom, what is wrong with you? You are frightened! Are you still my mom?" He had analyzed it correctly. Was this still "me?"
Ever since the persecution began on July 20, 1999, I had posted banners all over and distributed fliers day and night. I had posted "Falun Dafa Is Good" on main streets and small alleys. I had walked away confidently in front of the armed police and plainclothes policemen who were tracking me. I had talked face-to-face to a prison warden about the Nine Commentaries, about the corruption of the Communist Party, and how Dafa has spread widely throughout the world. Each time I turned danger into safety under Teacher's mercy protection. Now, although there are fewer and fewer evils, and the situation is getting better and better, what was happening to me?
I looked within and found that most of my time was occupied with downloading information from the Internet, producing truth clarifying materials, and distributing the Nine Commentaries. Consequently, I had become less diligent in studying the Fa. Besides that, because of the many things to be taken care of, I seldom spent my time truly studying the Fa with a calm mind. Before the establishment of the truth-clarification materials production site, I read all of Teacher's lectures every few months. Now it seemed that I had not studied Teacher's lectures diligently and systematically for over a year. I studied only Zhuan Falun and Teacher's newest lectures. Since I had not studied the Fa sufficiently, my righteous thoughts were not strong enough. All of my thoughts were based on ordinary people's mentality. I did Dafa work with a human mindset. Therefore, my ever increasing anxiety revealed itself during problematic times. The evil was eying me covetously. It kept me in a fearful state and enlarged this state continuously. This is how I turned into the present "me." When problems popped up, I searched for Teacher's related lecture and read them holding fear in my heart. Of course that would not work!
After I found my problem, I began to study the Fa calmly and did everything as Teacher has advised us. I increased sending righteous thoughts to completely negate the old forces' arrangements and destroyed the evil's influence over me. Even if I experienced problems, I did not allow any behind-the-scenes evil manipulators and rotten ghosts to meddle in my affairs. Even more so, I didn't allow the evil to sabotage the materials production site. I sent righteous thoughts to eradicate the evil behind the police at our local police station.
I certainly began to study all of Teacher's lectures and scriptures diligently and systematically. In "Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference," Teacher said, "But if you can break through all of it, you can advance towards godhood." When I read this, I called out in my mind, "I can break through all these [interferences]! I can move towards godhood!"
My entire body shook, and I broke immediately through this block of "fear." I became calm all of a sudden, and my true self was restored. At this time, the picture covering Teacher's image fell down on its own, and there was Teacher's merciful face revealed. I hurried to heshi (toward Teacher): "Teacher, I was wrong!"
I analyzed the situation. If the police came again, I would certainly open the door confidently and unaffectedly, but I would not allow them to come through that door. At the same time, I would send righteous thoughts to my equipment, "You are the lives who have been saved, play your role, and do not allow the evil to approach you." Let us stop the evil's disturbance and sabotage together." Then I would clarify the truth intelligently and wisely. I would begin with the prosperity of Dafa in Hong Kong.
Two weeks passed, and the police didn't knock at my door. This problem passed. Looking back, it seems that it was nothing. But at that time, because I lacked righteous thoughts, I truly felt the problem to be insurmountable. I was not able to do what Teacher had asked of us,
"Even if the sky were to fall, a cultivator's righteous thoughts would stay unshaken." ("Teaching the Fa at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students")
Fortunately, I understood that all this had happened because I was not diligent in studying the Fa. Now I need to study the Fa and send righteous conscientiously. Later, I was told that some fellow practitioners had sent righteous thoughts continuously to help me break though this tribulation. Herewith, I would like to extend my gratitude to my fellow practitioners for supporting me with righteous thoughts. Also, with the hints, strengthening and protection of Teacher, I finally defeated my fear and passed this test.
A fearful heart is the loophole that the evil uses to persecute you. Therefore, we must study the Fa diligently and with a calm and solemn mind. Only in this way can our righteous thoughts be strong, can we truly behave in a godly manner, and take big steps on the great path of Fa-validation. Only in this way can we eradicate the evil and save sentient beings.
