(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Dafa when I was ten years old. I am a grown-up now. I have been immersed in the compassionate Dafa since childhood. As an adult, I seemed to be more calm and wise compared to people in my age group. I felt that I have cultivated well. I was even relaxed about a problem I experienced during the college entrance examination. I believed in the power of Dafa. Finally, I earned a college degree, which is an envy of many people.
However, once I became independent, I started to have problems in my everyday life. In the process of solving them, I began to develop attachments to fame and gain. I started to use the excuse of "trying our best to do our ordinary people's work well." Then I used the excuse of "stretching our limit to conform to ordinary people" to conceal my competitiveness. Eventually, the problems started to accumulate and led to the following incidents.
Because of my attractive physical appearance and the fact that I live in a metropolitan city, I started to put great effort into a modeling career. Since my living expenses all came from my parents who are working in China, I was in fact a little short of cash. This was also because I wanted to live a comfortable life. Therefore, I started sending resumes to major modeling agencies. Eventually, a major international agency gave me a positive reply.
I met the agent at the agreed time and place. He was quite famous in his area. After he showed his lascivious intentions, my attachment to complacency and fame all came up. After I went home, I did not feel right about it. I even lost my focus while studying the Fa. But I still did not put much thought into it. I was thinking, "I might just have it in my life, why would I push it away." At that time, I was even greedy.
During my next meeting with the agent, his true unprofessional intentions were very obvious. If it had been the first meeting, I would have solemnly stopped him. However, at the time, I was beclouded by my attachment to fame. I even let him take advantage of me.
After I got home, I felt really bad in my heart. It was not because I felt insulted. It was because I thought about what I would want next after gaining the fame I was after. As I studied the Fa, Master pointed it out to me. He led me to read the following:
"What do the old forces and the old cosmos see as the gravest thing? Lust, [in the form of] sexual activity outside of marriage."
"But you must not make mistakes! You must not let the old forces' factors and the wicked beings take advantage of your gaps and persecute you to a point where eventually you can no longer cultivate. Then you will have lost your chance."
"What Master says is absolutely true. Whether or not you are diligent, and no matter how you entered this Dafa, all of the arrangements made on the earth over thousands of years were done for what is happening today. You must really seize this opportunity and not let it pass you by." "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles")
My heart was shaken, but I was dragged by my attachments. It was both painful and contradicting. I understand the meaning of my existence. However, my human side could not resist the temptation of becoming a famous model and having both fame and money. I was unable to calm down. I did not send righteous thoughts. I could not even read Fa-related books. Once I became decadent, my truth-clarification efforts started to have problems. The less I was enlightened to the situation, there more severe was the interference from the evil. My head was in a daze.
For our third meeting, the modeling agent arranged it at night. For models, this kind of "golden opportunity" is difficult to get. But to me, I felt that I was about to be pushed off a cliff. In one sense, I knew exactly what should I do based on Dafa's standards. However, my attachments to fame and money made me get all dressed up and go to the meeting. In my heart, the contradictions were like turbulence. I begged Master to protect me from losing my virtue. However, it seemed unlikely at the time.
When I refused the 'agent's advances, I did not offend him and avoided the shameful deed. Then I finally understood: I cannot continue like this anymore!
At home, my Internet connection was still malfunctioning. I could no longer concede to this kind of interference. I picked up my laptop and went to a nearby restaurant that offers free wireless Internet to send truth-clarifying emails. I did not study the Fa or practice the exercises. I did not feel confident in my heart. However, as I was walking out of the restaurant, the familiar feeling of being immersed in the compassionate Fa came back.
After I got home, I got my Internet connection back after it had been malfunctioning for the past four days. The modeling agent called and said he needed to change 'that night's meeting to tomorrow during the day.
My contradicted heart became clear after those few days, I felt that, as long as things are done according to Dafa, everything will develop toward the positive. I was to meet the agent the following day at noon. However, this time, I knew what I should do and what I would do.
I know that I really did not cultivate well on this issue. I am writing it out so as to alert everyone not to 'make the same mistakes. At such a stage during Fa-rectification, I was still interfered with by attachments to fame, money, lust, and shame. All these were attachments that obviously needed to be eliminated. I also regret wasting the precious time for cultivation and saving sentient beings.
In addition, when anyone notices shortcomings in themselves, they need to immediately use righteous thoughts to set the matter right. Don't let it accumulate and interfere with validating the Fa.
