(Clearwisdom.net) Cultivation is a process of tempering oneself. We may make mistakes while passing tests and breaking through barriers. Some mistakes are small while others are huge. Most of the fellow practitioners who have stumbled in the past have courageously picked themselves up, while some others, including myself, have found the process rather difficult. Looking back, I see that, in my case, it was largely because of my pride that made it difficult for me to accept the fact that I had made mistakes. Consequently, I saw myself as hopeless. Those who have always been regarded as outstanding since childhood, in particular, are likely to have planted in their hearts a seed of pride and vanity.
In the past I took to heart every mistake I had made. From the Fa I understand that after we started to cultivate, we should let go of those things that previously happened in ordinary society. However, for a long time I could not accept the fact that I had been contaminated before I obtained the Fa. Consequently, I could not let go of those dirty things I was previously involved with in ordinary society. Even though I did not show it much on the surface, I always felt inferior in my heart. When I was making truth-clarification materials, I occasionally typed a few pages wrong. This made me feel depressed. If I thought that I caused some loss when distributing the materials, I took it to heart and constantly thought about it to the extent that it would affect my validating the Fa for a while afterwards.
I made mistakes related to lust in the past, and I vowed to Master that I would never make the same mistakes again. However, when I was not diligent in maintaining righteous thoughts, I made the same mistake again. I felt totally hopeless. I knew that Master would not give up on me, and I knew that fellow practitioners would encourage me to pick myself up again. However, I could not face myself or accept the fact that while Fa-rectification has progressed to this point, I still made such mistake.
With the help of fellow practitioners and Master's boundless compassion and protection, I have finally come through, even though it has been a difficult journey. Drawing a lesson from a bitter experience, I discovered my attachments to pride and vanity that were deeply rooted since childhood. I always thought that I should be perfect, and I would not accept any shortcomings and mistakes in myself. My thinking was: if I have flaws, I would rather destroy myself than survive.
However, our lives have come from the old universe. They are lives in the last stage of the old universe in its cycle of creation-stasis-deterioration-destruction. So how can they not have flaws? Regardless of how good a life is in the old universe, it cannot match the requirements of the new universe; let alone we who are cultivating in the maze. Mistakes are inevitable. Master knows that we will make mistakes, even very serious mistakes, but our benevolent Master offers us opportunities to come back. When we have made mistakes and failed to get back up, our benevolent Master is watching over us and waiting for us to pick ourselves up. We may feel deeply depressed and cry bitterly. We may even feel hopeless after we have made mistakes, but when we deeply regret our mistakes, we must always remember that Master is waiting for us to come back!
Lastly, I would like to share with fellow practitioners two paragraphs of Master's teaching as encouragement:
"It's not a big deal if you haven't done well. Just do things well next time and try to find out where the problem was. There's a prominent phenomenon in you folks' cultivation, which is, after you haven't done something well, you're only overwhelmed with regret, and you don't do it over. If you regret it too much then that's another attachment. Once you've done something wrong, seen where it was wrong, and recognized it, then do it well next time, do it over. If you trip and fall, and just keep lying there instead of getting up, (audience laughs) then that's no good." ("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference")
"As your Master, I have never kept account of the wrong things you have done in your cultivation; I remember only the good things you have done and your accomplishments. Dafa disciples have made it through during cultivation and unparalleled evil persecution, so they are deeply aware of the hardships in cultivation, and they won't fail to understand the students who have gone down the wrong path. So I am telling you one more time here: All students who have made these kinds of mistakes [spying], starting now it's best that you publicly state that you are getting rid of that filthy burden and returning to Dafa. Only when you openly reveal everything that you have done wrong will you be able to break free from the secret agents' entanglement and threats. And only when you openly reveal those things will you be able to remove your attachments and fears. Dafa disciples and I will not regard students who have gone down the wrong path in their cultivation the way ordinary people would. Back when I began teaching the Fa in human society, I knew about the various states that would emerge in people's cultivation. During a human being's journey toward divinity, since it is a human being--and not a god--cultivating, he will definitely make mistakes in the process of cultivating, and there will definitely be tests that he doesn't pass well. And of course there are those who make huge mistakes. Once you have recognized your problem, the key question is whether you are determined to get rid of it. Only when you are determined to emerge from it can it be called cultivation, and that is cultivation." ("Pass the Deadly Test")
August 4, 2006
