(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Gong over five years ago, in December 2005. A big sickness karma test two months ago shocked me and made me realize that I should cultivate better and strive forward more diligently. But recently, due to human notions and the attachment of pursuing comfort, I slacked off again. When sharing with fellow practitioners, one suggested to me to read Master's article, "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be" more often. I realized that it would be better to memorize it. When talking with my fellow practitioner I was able to let go of my desire for "reputation and honor," and with this "letting go" I felt some bad things fall off my body, and I knew that I would be able to face my problems squarely.
Master said,
"And yet a small number of students-veteran students, even-have to differing degrees exhibited a despondent state and slackened in their resolve to be diligent. They haven't realized that this is an attachment to the duration of Fa-rectification, or is caused by interference from incorrect, acquired notions, which results in their gaps being exploited by interfering factors that the old forces left behind early on in the surface of the human dimension, wicked specters, or rotten demons-things that have magnified and strengthened those attachments and human notions-all of which has brought about this despondent state." ("The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be")
After reading Master's article many times, I realized that after I returned home from Taipei, where I had done a lot of Fa-rectification work, I developed the mindset of taking a break. Also, the evil took advantage of my attachments and human notions to magnify my attachment to rest; therefore I fell into a passive, lazy, "slack-off" mode. I also realized (from the article) that in this brief cultivation time, we should cherish our time even more and cultivate ourselves better so that we can rescue more people. Recalling my experiences, I feel it is worthwhile to write them down and share them with everybody.
Before I obtained the Fa, I was in bad health for three years. I had seen many doctors and taken a lot of medicine. While bearing the hardship of the illness, I started to think, "Why do human beings get ill and die? What is the most important thing in one's life?" When I read Zhuan Falun I realized that the book answered all of my questions, therefore I stepped onto the path of cultivation.
After beginning the practice, I passed many sickness karma tests. But, since I still treated sickness and discomfort more or less with human notions, (which shows I didn't have righteous and solid belief in Dafa and Master), I always experienced difficulties and bitterness with the emergence of each new sickness karma symptom. I realized that one of my human notions is the fear of hardship. But Master said,
"Going through hardship and suffering is an outstanding opportunity to remove karma, be cleansed of sin, purify the body, elevate your plane of thought, and rise in level-it's an extraordinarily good thing. This is a correct and upright Fa-truth." ("The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be")
When I first started cultivation, I sometimes felt happy when the suffering came, because I knew my karma would be eliminated. But later my human notion showed up, "Oh, it better not come again. When is the end to this?"
I tried to look inward for the cause of fear. I found that one of the reasons I felt fear is that I treated the sickness karma with human notions. Another reason was that I was not confident that I would be able to endure more hardships. In this way, I over-estimated the tribulations and tests and over-estimated the old forces. Although I passed some tests, the negative thoughts were still in my mind, so the fear of hardship was still in my mind.
This fear shows up now and then in daily life and haunts my mind all the time. It is just as Master said,
"Some students say with their lips, "I reject the old forces' arrangements." In key situations they can handle themselves quite well, but under normal circumstances they're likely to ease up their righteous thoughts, and when their righteous thoughts aren't adequate they're likely to have problems." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.")
I kept the notion in mind and treated it as my own thoughts. I took it very seriously, so it was not easy for me to have righteous thoughts. Master said,
"He who regards not
ordinary sorrows and joys
A cultivator is he"
("Breaking Free of the Three Realms" from Hong Yin, Translation Version A)
I was like the opposite of the state described in this poem. I always kept the suffering and sorrows in mind. I also found that I had not read the Fa diligently enough, and I didn't treat myself as a Dafa disciple in the period of Fa Rectification. I always thought that I am one of the practitioners who learned the Fa after July 20, 1999. I also considered that since the old forces are beings at high levels, they are bigger than me. I discovered the following notion: "I believe in the Fa, but I don't believe that I am capable of reaching such a high realm." This notion made me feel difficult and bitter when what I really needed was to improve my level. Later, when the sickness karma came, I always took Master's teaching--"maximally conform to ordinary society" as an excuse, and thought that I needed to eat some food in order to have righteous thoughts to deal with the physical karma release. So, I always kept candies or cookies in my bag. I stayed at a certain level for long time. This also shows that I didn't have solid belief in the Fa and I had strong human notions. Master said,
"As long as you upgrade your xinxing, you can overcome them. Unless you, yourself do not want to do so, you can make it, provided you want to overcome them." (Zhuan Falun from 2000 translation version)
Two months ago after dinner with a practitioner, I again experienced sickness karma. I felt so uncomfortable that I could not even drive my motorcycle. I told myself that I should not rely on eating; instead, I should pass this test with righteous thoughts. So, I stopped the motorcycle and started reading the Fa on the street. Later, I felt better, so I re-started the motorcycle. But when I reached a bridge I could not go uphill anymore. All of the bad thoughts from before cultivation showed up again. I stopped and called a fellow practitioner. I felt physically ill then; at the beginning of the call I had fear. After talking to the fellow practitioner for a while the fear was gone, but there were still some odd thoughts in my mind, such as, "Can I make it?" "Should I ask the owner of the store on the street for a place to rest?" "Am I losing face and embarrassing myself?"
About facing the issue of "life or death," the other practitioner said that I might have signed some pledge with the old forces. But I did not agree. Even if I had done that I wouldn't admit it. Master said,
"As I just said, even if sometime in history you did sign some kind of pact, if today your righteous thoughts are very strong, you don't recognize it, and you insist on not taking part in it, then you can in fact reject it." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A")
"How many beings can a Dafa disciple save while he's in this world, right? Isn't that doing something bad?" ("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference")
I told that practitioner that I would reject any arrangements by the old forces, because in the Fa-Rectification period we should not allow the old forces to use our own karma to interfere with us.
Master said,
"I can tell you that the suffering and tribulations endured by our Dafa disciples are not only aimed at their personal cultivation--there are also factors related to high-level beings' testing Dafa using the fact that the students have karma, using "improving them" as an excuse, and using degenerate beings at low levels to carry out the persecution. In fact, all of these have harmed the Fa-rectification." ("Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. Fa Conference" from Guiding the Voyage)
The fellow practitioner (I was talking to) also said that she was trying to get rid off the attachment of fear. She said she was afraid of taking on new responsibilities and enduring suffering because of it. She was going to get married and was afraid of taking the responsibility of caring for her husband's family. I also told her my attachments, such as: "because I am afraid of suffering during sickness I always keep some candies and cookies with me." "I like sweet food, but not bitter food." "When doing the media work, I have the heart of 'doing things' but don't have the compassion to rescue people." "I was afraid of conflicts, so I tried to avoid talking to practitioners for a while." When I started talking to one practitioner, instead of listening to the practitioner carefully, at the beginning I was still worried about my health and thinking about whether I would be able to ride my motorcycle home. I realized that I still had fear, and lacked righteous belief in the Fa. After I found this omission, the uncomfortable feeling suddenly went away. I passed this test and rode the motorcycle home. I also realized from this experience that a good cultivation environment is really important for a practitioner.
Later, when I read, "When she treated the patient, she might have removed a lot of bad things from this patient's body" in the section "Reverse Cultivation and Gong Borrowing" in Zhuan Falun, all of sudden I realized what "removed a lot of bad things from this patient's body" means. I felt ashamed of myself, because during five long years of cultivation, I always thought this sentence meant, "When she treated the patient, she might have injected a lot of bad things into this patient's body." And I was always confused: why would this cultivator inject a lot of bad things onto the patient's body? How can injecting bad things into a person's body heal his sickness? My thinking also shows how strong my human notion was. Now I understand that this sentence means a cultivator who has supernormal powers removed a lot of bad things from a patient's body in other dimensions. I also realized two days ago when I was passing the sickness test how many bad things Master had removed from my body, and how much Master endures for me.
After this experience, I decided that I should try to understand everything from the standpoint of the Fa. I like candies and always keep them in my purse. But now I realized that I should get rid off the attachment to sweet food and to the fear of suffering. I re-watched Master's lecture video and re-read Master's newly published articles after 2004. Master's teachings taught me that ever since we started cultivating and trying to improve our xinxing level, the high-energy stuff started filling our bodies. Also, Master has told us that He installed many things in our bodies. So, the notion that one can only gain energy from food is purely a human notion. This notion also contains the mindset of fear. Moreover, the sickness karma situation is also testing our xinxing to see if our thinking is on the right track. Master taught us,
"You're too afraid of that bad energy. If it comes, you're able to dissolve it, to dissolve it into primordial qi for your use. I'll tell you something: Before I spread the Fa, and before those high-level elements came here, there weren't any old forces, and back then I had other ways to handle coldness. This is what I'd think: "You're cold, and you try to make me cold--are you trying to make me freeze? I'll be even colder than you, I'll make you cold." (Audience laughs. Applause) Or, "You're trying to make me hot. I'll turn it around and make you hot--so hot that you can't stand it." I'm just telling you the idea. You might not be able to do that. But you should handle it with righteous thoughts, and you shouldn't be afraid of it." ("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference")
Yes, we really should face things with righteous thoughts instead of fear. I realized that when I don't have enough righteous thoughts; the evil will take advantage of my loopholes and create illusions to trick me. Also, because I still have problems, such as a bad temper, the desire to protect my reputation and dignity, and so on - my cultivation state after five years is still not up to the standard. For a long time, my motivation and purpose for cultivation has been to avoid the suffering of sickness karma, and trying not to be interfered with by the old forces. Actually, the real motivation and purpose of our cultivation should be to study the Fa well, to try to understand from the Fa what Fa-rectification cultivation is, to have solid belief in the Fa and Master, to improve our belief in the Fa after passing every test, and to hurry up to rescue sentient beings. The real suffering is that one gets constrained by human notions and attachments.
After I realized this I only took a purse, book and water with me when I went to group Fa-study. But when I stepped out the door a thought occurred to me, "it is only a piece of candy. Why don't I take it as dessert after dinner? It doesn't matter." This thought made me feel uncomfortable again on the way. So I stopped and opened the Fa to read. Master said,
"how well has the person who exhibits the sickness karma cultivated? Is he able to make it through with strong righteous thoughts while in such a state? Does he truly treat himself as a god and pay no attention to any of it whatsoever? Today I read a report on the Minghui website. A student was beaten so badly that her legs were smashed and broken into pieces, and they didn't set her bones before applying a cast. It never even occurred to the student that she would become handicapped because of this. She didn't pay any attention to it at all. She just studied the Fa every day, and her righteous thoughts were very strong. When she was able to sit up a little bit, she started to do the exercises. The doctors told her that her bones had been smashed and fractured in several places, and that the cast had been applied before the bones were set. It was all done by those people in the prison hospital. She didn't pay any attention to it and just told herself, "I want to cross my legs and do the exercises." She pushed herself and did it even though it was extremely painful to do. As time went by, she no longer felt any pain when she crossed her legs. The end result is that she has recovered. She can now jump up and down without any problem, and she's just like a completely normal person. (Applause) If any of you can conduct yourself like that, the old forces will absolutely not dare to touch you. Whoever can be like that will be able to make it through when encountering tests. What are "righteous thoughts" about? That is what righteous thoughts are about." ("Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005")
Prior to reading this paragraph of the Fa, my mind was filled with thought karma, "it doesn't matter if I go buy a piece of candy. If I don't get the candy, what if I feel worse later?" But when I opened the Fa, Master's teaching (quoted above) shocked me. I realized how bad my cultivation status was: why am I so strongly attached to a piece of candy? Actually, my attachment was not candy; instead, it was the worry about feeling uncomfortable physically. So, I told myself seriously, "I must get rid off this bad thought. It is not me who wants the candy. If I cannot pass the test this time, it will be much harder to pass it later." Although I was solid in my thinking, I still felt suffering and cried. Later, I realized what I did in that moment was to break with the bad thoughts and human notions. It was not me who was crying; instead, it was the human attachment.
I decided to get rid of this attachment. I have Master and the Fa, so what am I afraid of? I entered the group Fa-study room and sat down. When I opened the Fa, the first thing I saw was,
"If a person is completely in the Fa no one can touch him. Isn't that having the ability to protect yourself?" ("Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005")
All of sudden my body was surrounded by a warm energy, and the tears streamed down my face again. They were tears of appreciation for Master's salvation. I read this teaching before, and I also understood that one can truly protect oneself only if one is on the Fa, but I had not been doing well. When I really put down the attachment, Master let me enlighten to it.
When the group Fa-study started, my body was still trembling slightly. I knew that my level had improved. I truly put down the heart of compulsion and joined the group Fa-study. The group Fa-study that day was not the district group Fa-study as I had expected; instead, it was the group Fa-study of our choir. The song we learned that day was Welcome the New Epoch, which was written by a practitioner from Daqing City, who died as a result of persecution in September 2000 in a labor camp. The lyrics are:
"Storm and big waves come;
The fog deceived people so that they could tell truth from the lies.
As mud and sand is completely sifted, the solid rocks show up.
The good men have solid hearts, and are not afraid of difficulties.
Although the evil is still rampant, the good men don't take it as a big deal,
For the evil cannot last very long.
We need clear minds and wisdom to penetrate the fog and clouds,
With which we will be able to welcome tomorrow and the new world."
I felt ashamed of myself after learning about the writer's story and hearing the lyrics. I also felt admiration for the practitioners in Mainland China who can put down the attachment to life and death. Their stories encouraged me to strive forward more diligently.
The next day I shared my realizations and experiences in the district group Fa-study. At the end of the group Fa-study I felt physically uncomfortable again. One practitioner spoke out about his experience with a heavy tone and energy, which bothered me. I wanted to leave and the thought, "I will be safe if I buy some food," showed up again. But a second thought jumped out immediately, "No, this is a test. I only take the path arranged by Master. I should stay till the group Fa-study is over, because I am a Dafa disciple." One minute later, all of the uncomfortable feelings were gone. I stayed till the end and benefited a lot from the sharing.
Before, I didn't pay very much attention to the human rights movements happening in ordinary society, such as the world wide hunger strikes against the persecution in China. But since I was doing media work, I learned that a special agent did some very bad things to the media run by practitioners. When I read the news I told myself that I should do something. So I started a 24-hour hunger strike at home. During the hunger strike, I read the truth materials on the Internet, tried to convince people to quit the Party, cooked for my family and did some simple house work. I didn't feel very hungry. I think that it is because my xinxing improved that Master was encouraging me.
Before, it was very hard for me to pass the test of sickness karma. I even thought that it might be true that I might have to die in order to pass the test. Later, from Master's teaching, I realized that "putting down the attachment to life and death" doesn't mean you have to die. A practitioner can rescue a lot of people in this world. I had the fear of suffering - and due to this fear I more or less took the path arranged by the old forces. I didn't do well in cultivation. I also sought after comfort and tried to stay in a comfortable situation. I was trapped at this level for a long time. Now, I realize that as a Dafa disciple in the period of Fa-Rectification, our task is to help Master to rectify the Fa. We have such a huge responsibility. We should not hesitate to get rid of human notions, and we should be more diligent when it is closer to the end.
Master said,
"persevering in true cultivation are long-term tests for every Dafa disciple." ("Abandon Human Attachments and Continue True Cultivation" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
For a practitioner, every thought is important. We should eliminate the bad thoughts immediately when they show up. Memorizing the Fa is a good method to keep a righteous mind for long time.
When I was writing this sharing, I had many bad thoughts: wouldn't the attachment to candy make me lose face? Can I really get rid of the attachment to food? Can I really pass every test? I realized that these thoughts were also human notions. It is not hard to get rid of human notions with the help of the Fa and Master. If we can study the Fa well and keep up righteous thoughts and righteous actions, there won't be any test that we cannot pass. Would it be tiring if we have to keep a righteous mind at every moment? No, it won't, because I am a Dafa disciple in the period of Fa-Rectification, and I will follow Master to rectify the Fa and complete my task.
Here I would like to thank Master, "Thank you Master for your benevolent salvation."
Category: Improving Oneself
