(Clearwisdom.net)
Many of the attachments practitioners have are often exposed while working with other people. For me, I really had lost myself while doing work validating Dafa, and for a long time I forgot to cultivate myself.
In the blink of an eye, it has been three months since I left my hometown and came to this place thousands of miles away. In the past three months I may have appeared calm on the surface, but inside there have been enormous changes taking place. Unlike when I was at home, when I spent all day immersed in the specifics of validating Dafa, apart from adapting to my new job, I spend all my remaining energy studying Dafa and reading "Minghui Weekly."
With my mind becoming calmer, I found the cause of my longstanding impetuousness. I thought that I had been able to follow the progress of Fa-rectification, but in actuality it was not the case. From studying the Fa, I found my deficiencies, and my thoughts have gradually become more rational. With my ordinary human notions dismantled one after another, I feel I am more relaxed than ever, and once again experiencing the long-lost happiness of elevating myself in cultivation.
I had been mired in the state of just doing things for a long time. I felt I had not cultivated myself on each task, and missed many good opportunities. When I discovered my problems, I asked myself: "Why is it that only now have I found my unrighteous factors? What is the stumbling block in my path of cultivation?"
Before, I could get Minghui Weekly in time, but I seldom paid sufficient attention to truly appreciate its contents. Mostly I just skimmed through it quickly. Some practitioners also said that after they established an information center, they no longer read the "Weekly" as carefully as before. I guess this was actually quite a prevalent situation. What excuse did we generally use? We usually said, "There are too many tasks for us to do."
I deeply feel now that it was truly a loss when we missed opportunities to have discussions with practitioners and to calmly learn from them.
There was a period of time when I felt that I did very well. But precisely because of that, my improvement slowed down. Each time as I emerged from basking in the glory of one success, right away I plunged into another. Yet these successes were very real. Now I feel that only if one can step out of these practical realities and assimilate oneself in Dafa is one truly remarkable. Only then can one be considered a true cultivator.
Because of my attachment to practical successes, I easily turned from being self-confident to conceited. Sometimes when other people and I did not see eye to eye, I could not remain calm. I did not notice the unseemly state I was in. When fellow practitioners had differences of opinion or practitioners pointed out my problems, I harbored unrighteous thoughts and did not correct myself in time. I thought to myself, "He has not cultivated as well as I have. I am not mistaken. He has attachments.."
Unknowingly, I had developed the habit of using my good side to cover up my unrighteous side. I completely failed to notice that such a major omission was due to my lack of Fa-study, to my not having studied the Fa attentively, and to my failure to do the exercises. The evil even put such a thought in my mind, "There is nothing left for you to cultivate." What a dangerous thought!
When doing Dafa work, I was obsessed with my level of attainment to the point of the total neglect of cultivating myself. I asked myself, "What exactly is causing me to go astray?" I found that the moment I stepped out of the glory of one accomplishment, I was immediately obsessed with the outcome of the next endeavor. Yet everything that I considered as achievements merely reinforced my delusion and attachment to my cultivating splendidly. When fellow practitioners praised me, I did not regard it with the mindset of a cultivator. Rather, I let it reinforce my attachment. When I mixed the notions of "cultivating myself within Dafa" and "cultivating myself by myself," I found that I became impatient and easily agitated.
I felt that it was because my enlightenment quality was so poor that I did not discover my problem sooner. I did not see my problems. Not willing to admit my deficiencies was because, in my subconscious, I thought, "Doing more Dafa work is cultivating myself." Now I have realized that to cultivate is to correct one's improper state with the righteous thoughts that one acquires through Fa-study. To be constantly in a state of cultivation is the only righteous way.
Now I ask myself, "Wasn't I wasting the energy of the whole group and creating divisions when I complained about fellow practitioners? The problem was not that fellow practitioners could not keep up with the progress of Fa-rectification, but rather, it was time for me to correct myself. The real obstacle was in my own mind." I feel that in doing Dafa work, not only does one need to have a good plan, but one also needs to have a compassionate, righteous mindset and attitude. All in all, one should never forget to cultivate oneself when doing Dafa work, and this can only be achieved by not neglecting Fa-study.
I hope that we can all progress rationally in Dafa.
