(Shared at 2006 New York Falun Dafa Conference)
(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings, Master. Greetings, fellow Falun Dafa practitioners. It is an honor to be here today to read my experience sharing paper.
I am a Falun Dafa practitioner from New York City, by way of Seattle, Washington. I moved to Manhattan a little over 15 months ago at the height of the Manhattan Project to help rectify the environment and work on the English Epoch Times. I am one of the editors for the Epoch Times, and work on the paper on an average of 30 hours a week. I also have a full-time job Monday through Friday at an extremely busy law and immigration firm on Madison Avenue in Manhattan. Three months ago I joined the Celestial Band as a drummer, later switching to the Alto Saxophone, a new instrument for me. I also picked up playing the Viola again (which I played when I was younger from about age 8 to 15) for the orchestra.
I would like to share some experiences about what I have learned and enlightened to from my participation in these activities as a Falun Dafa practitioner.
Balancing Music, Dafa work, and a Job in Society
Around the time I joined the band, huge shifts were already underway in my daily life and personal cultivation. My work schedule and job duties changed drastically; the serious relationship I was in suddenly broke up without warning; and I had to move from the apartment I had been living in for seven months on very short notice. I could feel great waves shifting the sand, and felt many changes taking place in the cosmic climate. This is when it also began to get more difficult to study the Fa well, as my mind was not at ease with so many upsets and changes. I focused on minor details beyond my control; lamented over the disappointment and suffering I was experiencing; and lost my general focus about why I had come to New York.
Over time, however, being a part of the band started to have a very strong stabilizing effect, and in the three months since joining it, I have gradually pulled back from swinging and swaying in confusion to become more solid than ever before. I realized a fundamental attachment to pursuing external factors that would drive me forward in cultivation, and enlightened that solid personal cultivation is each practitioner's individual responsibility--much like the responsibility of practicing an instrument at home on one's own.
I also discovered some unhealthy patterns that had developed in my daily life and conduct in society. Because I need to practice my instruments before it gets too late, I am often home before 9 pm, instead of 11 pm or midnight. I started to prepare and eat some meals at home again, instead of living like a vagabond, buying pizza slices and bagels from street vendors all the time. I also started to notice a strong attachment to time and "doing things" while at my job in society. Because of the added activity of the band, I felt I had less time to spend on the newspaper, and started checking my Epoch Times email and taking calls on my cell phone about the newspaper frequently while at work. Every time someone would come near my computer, I felt my face get hot with shame, and had the urge to stop and go back to work. Finally one day my boss suddenly passed by without warning, and without thinking my hand went to cover the computer screen. I realized that as someone who practices Truthfulness, I should not do Epoch Times work at my office, no matter how busy I was. We cannot use the excuse of being busy to violate the standards of even ordinary people, let alone the standards of the Fa. It is still a challenge to control myself, but I know over time it will become natural to adhere to the Fa under the conditions at work with such a tight schedule.
Individual Practice and the Group Environment
Being part of the band has also had a profound impact on my understanding of the importance of the group environment. The first thing I had to face when I was around other members of the band was a lot of filthy thought karma and the attachment of jealousy. I wondered--without the group environment--how long would it have taken for me to see these shortcomings? One day, I looked at another practitioner who I had never even spoken to and thought, "Oh, he is so stuck up! It's like he thinks he is better than other people." Later, this practitioner was assigned to teach me how to play the Alto Sax. He is one of the most patient, gentle people I have ever known, and has helped and supported me and others in the band every step of the way. Shouldn't we look at others with a heart of compassion, and disregard any human notions about who we think they are?
I have also learned a lot about the effect of practitioners' perseverance in difficult circumstances, under the guidance of the Fa. At the beginning, the sound produced by the band was not very nice. The practice room was a chaotic, squeaky sound coming from every direction. It was so loud during practice that we had to yell at the top of our lungs to communicate. Most of the practitioners had never read a musical note or played an instrument, and at first many sat down to send righteous thoughts when they could not make the right sound with the instrument. The sheer frustration of picking up something so unfamiliar was enough to drive some people away altogether. But with forbearance, we eventually rose to the level of making the right sounds, and over time, reading musical notes. Over time, without direction from any group leader, the different instruments naturally started playing in small groups, instead of being scattered about the room as individuals. We practiced at home on our own, but overall, not one of us brought the band up alone--whether we were being helped by others or helping others.
The group environment cannot thrive and grow strong if the individuals are not being diligent as individuals. With music, we can hear the immediate result of our Xinxing level and diligence in individual practice at home. Without practice, we cannot ascend and improve. It is just like in Fa rectification--with consistent, quality Fa study, doing the exercises, sending righteous thoughts, and clarifying the truth, the body of practitioners can be in harmony when we do things as a group.
Many of us have experienced joining the group for an activity or Fa study when we are in a poor cultivation state. The contribution we are able to make to the group when we are in that state is minimal, and it can leave us feeling even more discouraged or despondent. As a band, poorly cultivating and not practicing our instruments enough is painfully evident with every wrong note. That easily spurs us on to immediately make up for it and catch up to the group. That is because we HAVE to play when we are with the band. We cannot be untruthful and pretend we are playing. There is nowhere to hide. With the group environment outside of the band, we can easily disappear into the corner, thinking we are getting away with hiding our state. But in fact, we still bring these things with us, whether we try to hide them or not.
We also have to remember to support each other with righteous thoughts when we see others having difficulty. Sometimes during band practice, there a certain sections of instruments will have difficulty in playing part of the song. At first, everyone would laugh out loud at each other when the conductor stopped the band to have one section play. For some reason, we thought it was okay to laugh at others. But over time, we have realized that if one section of the band does not play well, it will reflect on the overall impact of the songs we play. So--our songs to rectify the Fa and validate Dafa cannot be melodious if we do not harmonize well.
How similar to the many activities and projects that we do!!
The Celestial Band's Public Performances are the Efforts of Every Practitioner
The band has had four performances so far--two in New York Chinatowns during the Chinese New Year, one in Los Angeles Chinatown, and one in Washington, D.C. In public performances, we have to march in step and in formation. We can't just go into public to do Fa rectification things and have every practitioner going every which way, doing whatever they think "looks best." How could we save sentient beings with such disharmony and disorder?
The first time the band practiced marching outside (before our first parade), it was a disaster! The music started and we were stepping, but not together. Most people were focused on their own personal situation--playing the music, stepping in time, and staying in a straight line. It was difficult to be aware of the big picture of what we were doing. We didn't sound very good, our lines were very crooked in some places, and we were not in step. When the conductor stopped us, the crowd of over 150 practitioners exploded with shouts and yelling comments at each other about what we had done wrong. But with forbearance and the heart to do well, it gradually got smoother.
At the first parade in New York's Flushing Chinatown, the crowd was really enormous. It seemed like every Chinese person had come out. We all wore matching jackets that said "Falun Dafa" in English and Chinese, and a large banner that said "Falun Dafa" preceded the conductor and band. At our second parade, in Manhattan's Chinatown, there were so many people that in some places the band members on the end of the rows were brushing up against spectators. There were potholes filled with filthy rainwater on the street where we walked, confetti exploded loudly and streamed down onto us, and there were difficult turns in the road marked with bumps and high curbs.
Our band leader told us afterwards that we have to get used to playing well in all kinds of conditions.
In the Fa rectification, we are also met with many unforeseen obstacles and challenges. We often run into tribulations when we go out to clarify the truth, and feel that something is trying to distract us. But if we remain firm with righteous thoughts and action, and play the song we have come to play and show the sentient beings standing on this stage of history the true wonderfulness of Falun Dafa, nothing can stop us! There will always be challenges, but the key lies in our ability to strive forward diligently and not be deterred by any obstacle, small or large.
At our third parade in Los Angeles, I began to understand that the impact of the band playing in public depends on the larger body of practitioners. It was our first performance at a Fahui, and many practitioners from other regions gathered around us before the parade, smiling wide-eyed. I could see the pure joyfulness in their faces and how much it encouraged all of them to strive forward even more diligently. When we marched, we were surrounded by practitioners passing out flyers on the sidewalk, carrying banners, and demonstrating the Falun Dafa exercises. The entire procession stopped many people in their tracks and they readily received truth-clarifying materials.
At the end of the LA parade, we rounded the final corner and I heard a bystander yell loudly, "Falun Dafa Hao!!" in Chinese, and tears came to my eyes. This, I thought, is the work of a Dafa disciple. This is why we have come here--to save sentient beings and help them find such an upright thought. When we practice well on our own and contribute to the beautiful songs the whole body performs, the impact is enormous! It is so enormous that it can cause a Chinese person's heart to turn towards goodness and cry out the words, Falun Dafa Hao!! in the middle of the street in broad daylight.
The band has also taught me to remember that different parts of the body do different things, but they are all important. We can't become complacent because we play an instrument in this band and think that we are special above other practitioners.
During our most recent parade in Washington, D.C., I was reminded that our strong righteous thoughts and actions can have a great impact on our fellow disciples. The D.C. parade was a little warm for the spring weather, and some of us felt tired about halfway through. Then I saw some elderly Chinese aunties standing on the roadside with yellow banners in Chinese in English that said "Falun Dafa is Good." These ladies had such a solid, righteous demeanor and triumphantly held the banners high for us all to see. They were so full of joy that Falun Dafa had appeared in the parade! It felt like coming home to a celebration of the new cosmos. I locked eyes with one of the aunties as we passed by, and she smiled silently at me in her knowing way. It was exactly the reminder we needed to have strong righteous thoughts, and I made it through the rest of the parade barely feeling tired.
The band and the orchestra are special, but I believe that this is because Falun Dafa is incredibly special. We should treasure the example of the marching band and learn from the lessons it continues to teach us about the importance of personal cultivation and the cooperating well with the group.
Aside from a place to practice, finding the time to practice has not been a problem. In fact, over the last few months, being forced to have a consistent practice schedule on my instruments has led me to realize a pattern of inconsistency in my personal cultivation, including sending righteous thoughts, practice, and Fa study. It has provided a foundation for me to become more solid and stable in my daily life, which in turn brings me closer to the Fa, because I am more aware of how much time I have and what it can be used for.
When I began to feel exhausted from the enormous load of everything, I rediscovered the amazing benefits of the Falun Dafa exercises. Every time I do the exercises now, I magically have energy that was not there an hour earlier. When my mental state became overwhelmed, I rediscovered the reason for Fa study. Our minds must be immersed in the Fa for us to do well.
The band is very special--yes--but so is everything else that practitioners are doing during this time period. Let's continue to work together better and better as a body and truly cooperate for the sake of saving sentient beings. Let's play the beautiful song that is in all of our hearts as we go about our solemn tasks of doing the three things well--"Falun Dafa Hao, Falun Dafa Hao, Falun Dafa Shi Zheng Fa, Fo Guang Pu Zhao."