(Clearwisdom.net) Thinking back at my participation in the Chinese New Year Gala, I have determined that I was not firm from the beginning. When the events started, I did not join willingly. Rather, I participated because of fellow practitioners' encouragement to do so. I thought of quitting many times, but I never said it aloud. The few times that I mentioned it, I ended up staying because other practitioners encouraged me once again.
Among ordinary people, I can easily be a leader, because I can understand and tolerate others and have the ability to communicate well. I can easily comprehend other people's opinions, and I can tolerate and accept different suggestions. During this time, however, I became more arrogant. As a Dafa practitioner, these notions were exposed.
In my performing group, I became the "natural" contact person. As the gala progressed, I often felt conflicted and confused, because it interfered with another project I was working on, causing me to have thoughts of quitting once again. I was having difficulty trying to balance the two projects, and I always wanted to go with the easier option. Without realizing it, this desire to go the easy route strengthened my arrogance and caused me to overlook the fact that I should respect the feelings of other practitioners.
I wasn't aware of the problem until the other day, when a practitioner sent me a letter exposing my attachments. I was angry at first, but I slowly calmed down. While I was angry, I felt that this practitioner truly underestimated my abilities. I thought to myself, "No matter how encouraging she is, I will never take on the responsibility of being a group leader again." The next day, I calmed down and thought, "Teacher told us that we should look inside ourselves when problems occur. I was angry yesterday. Isn't this a problem?" I decided to calmly look inside myself and write down what came to mind.
Why did this practitioner send me a letter suggesting that I act in a way that the whole group will respect and follow? The letter also said, "The purpose is not to establish a team leader's authority." Indeed, in human society, doing something good voluntarily will be praised, Being a leader will involve having power over others, and achievements will gain the respect of the others. I received all this when I was an ordinary person. Is this what practitioners want in the process of doing the three things that we are required to do?
Teacher said:
"Actually you're just liaisons, people who serve others, and you have no power or authority. Coordinate everyone well, and that's the best function you can serve helping Master at the human surface level." ("Teaching the Fa at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students")
I always thought that I had done what Teacher requires us to do and that I indeed was doing my part with the heart of serving others! Actually, I had the following attachments, "I hope practitioners can listen to me and not have different opinions. I hope practitioners will see that I have done a lot and praise me for it. When I have done a coordination job well, I hope practitioners will respect me."
Thank you, benevolent Teacher. When I did things with these deeply hidden attachments, I did not receive any cooperation, praise, or respect from my fellow practitioners. Just the opposite, I was constantly hearing about my faults and it made me feel as if I had lost a battle. Even so, I still did not enlighten to it. I felt I shouldn't spend all my time on the gala and should concentrate on work for another project. The problem became bigger and bigger until it came to this point and I had no idea what to do. Then I started to calm myself down and look inside myself to find even deeper roots.
In the process of exterminating the roots of my attachments, I felt very calm and pure. I no longer had ideas of quitting this performing group, and I was able to continue my participation in other Dafa projects with a steady mind. I realized that everything I do is for the sake of harmonizing the one body and saving beings. This is honorable and sacred.
"If you are able to succeed in improving yourself this way, what you do then, with a pure heart, will be the best and most sacred." ("Further Understanding" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Thank you Teacher. Thank you my fellow practitioners, for pointing out my attachments and correcting me.
My personal understanding is limited. Please point out anything that is improper.
