(Clearwisdom.net) Although I am a new practitioner who started practicing Falun Gong in June 2005, I had read Zhuan Falun as early as 1997 because my mother started practicing Falun Gong in 1997. She had introduced Falun Gong to the whole family, but at that time I was the only one who simply read the book. Even though I was impressed after reading the book, I did not see any deeper connotation of the Fa because I was in love and could not let go of many things. I wanted to practice in my heart, but found it very difficult, hence I was not determined to practice. When the CCP suppressed the practice of Falun Gong on July 20, 1999, I got confused. Later on, when the series of fabricated reports of incidents such as the staged "Tiananmen self-immolation incident" occurred, I thought that some people must have become insane from practicing. As a result I did not want my mother to practice anymore but was unable to persuade her.
I have a good family with a lovely son and a husband who treats me very well. Along with my good job, my husband has a successful career. My mother had tried several times to persuade me to practice Falun Gong, but I was "lost in the maze" and did not enlighten due to my attachments.
However, on April 2005, the situation suddenly changed. I discovered my husband was having an affair. Stunned, I wanted a divorce, but he knelt down in front of me, held me, and pleaded with tears. Out of sentiment and because of my son, I forgave him and told him not to do it again. But things were not the same as before; I used to be quite confident but after this incident, I became extremely weak, feeling that my life had lost its goal and luster. I could not cast off the heartache and pain. I suffered from extreme anxiety, often feeling a desire to end my life, but had no alternative but to live upon hearing my son calling me, "Mom."
In June, my mother said to me: "Just recite in your mind 'Falun Dafa is good'. Humans cannot save you, but gods can! How about reading Zhuan Falun again?" So from then on I picked up Zhuan Falun, the treasured book, again. This time I could not put it down anymore! Why didn't I see so many Fa principles before? Why didn't I make the decision to practice before? Such a bright road was ahead of me! Why did I actually give it up before? I then logged onto the Minghui website and discovered that the "self-immolation" was actually fabricated! I also found out that people in so many countries are practicing Falun Gong and that it is banned only in China. The Communist Party is so evil. I announced my withdrawal from the Young Pioneers and the Youth League on the Internet. I must return home with Teacher, for this is the path I want! Recalling my former life, I realized although I had lived so happily, I did so out of ignorance.
Since then, I have firmly stepped onto the path of cultivation without looking back. I send forth righteous thoughts four times daily. In my spare time, I study the Fa or read fellow practitioners' articles on the Internet, and clarify the truth to people in my office whom I know well, and advise them to quit the party and its affiliated organizations. I also sometimes hand out truth-clarification materials with my mother. During this time, I was pleasantly surprised that my son had already become a young practitioner under the guidance of my mother without my knowledge. Although I was pleasantly surprised, I also felt ashamed.
From the beginning of my cultivation path, I had many tribulations. My mother said it was for me to pass the tests. I thought, although I have not learned the Fa deeply, as long as I am steadfast in Dafa, my determination will not waiver. I will certainly overcome it! Someone tried to make advances to me but I firmly rejected it. My mother told me it was a test of sexual desire. My workplace decided to let me join the Party but I rejected the party member application and tore it up. My husband opposed my decision, but I insisted. The hardest thing for me is still the test of qing. In spite of my husband's affair, my emotions still run deep. Facing all sorts of his behavior, I often find it difficult to endure. This attachment manifested as sometimes even making the choice as to whether I should continue practicing or not. With firm determination, I studied the Fa, and then understood that when I am able to let go of the emotion, what replaces it is compassion, a noble thing. I thought: What is compassion? My husband had an affair and I felt pained because of my emotions for him. I understood that such emotions were based on selfishness and that was why I felt hurt. If I just treated him well, and did not ask for anything in return, would I not feel as much pain? Would this be considered compassion? This was my understanding in the early days of my practice, so I decided to follow this path. But due to my husband facing pressure from society and opposition from my parents-in-law, with the knowledge in his mind that he could not change me, he often came home drunk at night. One night he drank a lot, and he spat out many vicious words. I told my mother and son about it, and they send forth righteous thoughts every day to eliminate the evil behind my husband. After four or five days, although he was again drunk that night and as fierce as before, he merely mumbled some things and went to sleep. The next morning, he woke up and asked me to hand him his clothes. When I walked to his side, he said: "You are actually so good. Why did I look for someone else?"
Upon hearing that, my tears came out, not because I felt grievance, but because I understood lots of universal principles through studying the Fa. I no longer feel resentment for the tribulation I encountered. When he said that sentence, I felt his kindness. As a matter of fact, when he is clear-minded, his true kind nature manifests. Since I was the one who had the predestined relationship with him, I felt ashamed that I had not been able to save him.
In the process of cultivation, I often find I have many attachments. Every time I feel I have abandoned them, I still find them there. However after progressing through each stage, I could feel my attachments getting lighter. I have developed deeper understanding of the Fa on each level and as a result my xinxing has improved. I feel Teacher's mercy and understand that he has made painstaking arrangements for my path of cultivation. As long as I am diligent, my body and mind will be purified gradually and ascend to each level that is closer to the universal truth. I sincerely hope all new fellow practitioners are firm on their paths and will not to regress due to tribulations!
