Shared at 2006 US West Falun Dafa Conference
(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings, Teacher! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
Here I would like to share some of my cultivation experiences during the past six months. I want to share, not because of how well I did during this period of time, because actually I did very poorly. I want to share because I witnessed Teacher's great benevolence, Dafa's great power, and fellow practitioners' great compassion. Some of my very basic attachments were revealed. I want to share with you about these attachments. By doing so, I hope to eliminate them as soon as possible.
Many practitioners in the US West region know that a San Diego practitioner was involved in a car accident last summer. I am that practitioner. In August of last year, a drunk driver hit me on the driver's side. I passed out right away. My wife, who is also a practitioner, was sitting next to me and fortunately wasn't hurt badly. The car was severely damaged. After inspecting the damage, the tow-truck driver asked, "Are there any survivors?" Well, thanks to Teacher, both of us survived, and both are present here today.
I was sent to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at the hospital. There were quite a few fractures in my spine and pelvis, together with broken five ribs, many bleeding organs, a badly injured kidney, and a collapsed lung. My wife told me afterwards that there were all kinds of tubes in my body. I still have some dim memory of the medical staff doing first aid on me. In that dim memory, I was murmuring "Shifu (Teacher)."
After hearing the news, my fellow practitioners were very concerned. Many of them came to the hospital at their earliest availability. Normally the ICU only allows a couple of family members to enter. With so many practitioners coming to see me, the hospital eventually allowed in more than a dozen of them. Thus, the ICU witnessed a scene that had never occurred there before. Over a dozen non-family-members squeezed into a small unit, and they were sending forth righteous thoughts for me.
One night my injuries got really serious and some nurses even thought that I might not make it. However, with Teacher's compassion and fellow practitioners' righteous support, I made it. My wife kept playing the music "Pudu" in the unit, which always could calm me down from anxiety and restlessness. Many nurses commented that they had never heard anything so beautiful and calming, and this is Dafa's power!
After the accident, all the practitioners were looking inside. They realized that besides my own attachments, this was mostly interference from the old forces. We just had a first meeting about how to promote the first Chinese New Year Gala in San Diego. It's a big project, involving lots of manpower. San Diego doesn't have many practitioners, so every one of us had to take on lots of responsibilities. This accident directly took away two active practitioners, me and my wife, but also took away lots of fellow practitioners' time.
However, the mighty current of Fa-rectification cannot be stopped or postponed. The fellow practitioners used their righteous thoughts to negate all the old forces' arrangements, continued all the projects as planned, and at the same time arranged time to come see me. I stayed in ICU for eleven days. I lost most memory of what happened there. But I still remember all the warm faces before my eyes and all the encouraging words by my ears. With help from Teacher and all the fellow practitioners, I recovered very quickly, at a speed that amazed all the doctors and nurses. Fellow practitioners didn't miss the chance to introduce Dafa to them, and they were very much impressed. I was transferred out of the ICU and released from the hospital three days later.
After getting back home, I had great mental pressure and many human notions surfacing. Teacher's picture hangs on the wall, but I didn't dare to look at it. When I read the Fa, I always skipped over the page with Teacher's photo. I felt that I didn't deserve being a Dafa disciple, that this accident happened mostly because of my huge attachments, and that I caused great loss to San Diego's Fa-rectification projects. Fellow practitioners always brought me exciting news when they dropped by, such as attending another great parade, holding another great event, and so on and so forth. I could see that they were busy with different projects. But I just couldn't get out of bed, and my wife stayed indoors most of the time taking care of me. I couldn't get much rest at night because of the pain. I got anxious again, and my demon nature took advantage of it. A lot of xinxing conflicts occurred between me and my wife.
Because of the fast recovery in the beginning, I hoped for a miracle for myself, that I would totally recover in just a few days. I thought about it so much that it became a strong attachment of pursuit. One week passed, then another, and another. It didn't happen. Then the pursuit changed to lots of worry. The fellow practitioners observed all of this and took time to share their thoughts with me, trying to rectify my way of thinking, urging me to have faith in Teacher and the Fa, and to read more. At the same time, my wife challenged my requests based on human notions, such as requests for pain killers when I couldn't endure the pain. She treated me as a fellow practitioner and always tried to share with me her understanding upon the Fa, and she pointed out my human notions.
I began to think about why this happened. Looking inward brought me great anguish. I knew clearly that there must be a big loophole in my xinxing. But I just didn't want to accept, face, or touch it. Finally I found my biggest problem, which is the problem of "selfishness." I got involved in many Dafa projects before the accident, and fostered selfishness in my Dafa work. I looked at myself as being very important to San Diego's Dafa projects and often behaved in a very self-centered manner. Actually I was not trying to validate the Fa, but rather to validate myself. Also, I had strong attachments of enjoyment. Just days before the accident, I was thinking about driving to the mountains to enjoy myself, totally forgetting that every minute now is precious time that should be used to save sentient beings. Of course I still have many other attachments.
There is one thing that I want to share with you, which displayed the great power of the Fa. One morning, I was reading the Fa, when I felt cold. My wife covered me up with a couple of blankets, but they didn't help much. I began to shiver more and more. I slept for a while but I awoke sweating all over. I changed clothes twice, but twice the clothes were soaked in just a short while. My wife helped me to sit up. I felt like I was losing control of my body, and panted terribly. My conscience seemed to be detached from me. Everything began to feel like I was dreaming. I just couldn't send forth strong righteous thoughts. I really didn't know what to do, and even thought, "I don't want to die like this!" My wife also worried a lot and almost called for an ambulance. Suddenly she remembered something and shouted at me, "Let's recite 'Lunyu' together!" During the recitation, I began to feel everything become real to me again. My breathing calmed down, together with my heart. I couldn't hold my tears after finishing Lunyu. Teacher helped me to break through another pass.
Slowly my injuries began to heal. But the recovery slowed down. The main reason is that as the pain lessened and sleep improved, my deep-rooted pursuit of comfort and ease came up again. My righteous thoughts were not as strong. I didn't treat myself strictly like a practitioner, but tried to find excuses for myself, like an ordinary person, in things like not sleeping well for almost two months, getting tired easily, pains all over the body and the need for rest. Accordingly the Fa's power didn't display as greatly. I could seldom see much improvement in the recovery for several weeks. Sometimes it even got worse.
Our compassionate Teacher doesn't want to leave behind any disciple, even disciples as bad as me. A new article was published at the time, "The closer to the end, the more diligent you should be." It struck me like a hammer. Teacher said,
"...but you should take fewer detours on this most magnificent, divine path; not leave reason for regret in your futures; and not fall so far behind in terms of levels."
As a Dafa disciple, the only hope for people to be saved, I cannot slacken like this. The pursuit to comfort was still very strong. But I could feel that it weakened a little whenever I read this scripture.
However the pursuit was really hard like granite. I got despondent again after a period of time. Then the Fahui in San Francisco took place and Teacher came to speak. He mentioned multiple times the issue of laziness and how to regard different practitioners' karma. Dafa is all harmonizing, encompassing everything and leaving out nothing. Teacher explained all the questions in my mind, and offered me great encouragement. I regained some energy and stood up. I began to walk with a walker and later switched to a cane.
Many practitioners told me that we must upgrade in a thorough manner. We can only elevate if we do the three things well. I had already started reading the Fa and sending forth righteous thoughts, but I wasn't taking part in any truth clarification projects. The opportunities were very soon to come.
As Christmas approached, we needed to visit the advertising clients of the Epoch Times. I have many clients under my account and other people were all busy with other projects, so I decided to take that responsibility. My wife worried about my health and my driving a lot, but I believed that with righteous thoughts, I would have no problem in doing Dafa projects, as Teacher would protect me and righteous gods would support me. It was quite a miracle. At that time my right foot often had spasms and numbness. But this never occurred while I was driving.
After the New Year, everyone was busy working on the promotion and preparation for the gala. We were really running short of hands. Seeing others getting so busy and thinking about all the people who need to be saved, I couldn't stay outside any longer. I couldn't lose this precious cultivation opportunity just because I didn't feel comfortable. Dafa disciples are the only hope for the people to be saved. At the last and most crucial moment of the great batter between good and evil, at the moment of numerous sentient beings facing the danger of being wiped out, I cannot leave myself deep sorrows in the future just because I wanted to be comfortable.
I began to volunteer for light work duties, such as doing Chinese calligraphy in gala-promotion booths. My attachments were still striking me hard. I was very reluctant to go pass out flyers, with the excuse that I couldn't stand very long. Nonetheless I felt more energetic every time after I participated in an activity. Soon afterwards I quit using the walking cane.
I still got tired easily. But as I began to be involved in Dafa work, after several months I felt like a real practitioner again. The great torrent of Fa-rectification pushes us forward. The gala gave me a good opportunity to speed up my recovery. Many people said that I looked better every day. Now the gala gained great success, and I regained my energy. I'm a Dafa disciple again!
There are still many attachments that I have to deal with. But after this test of life and death, I will not lose this great opportunity to cultivate in the Fa-rectification period, and try to be worthy of the title of "Dafa disciple," a title that shines throughout the whole universe.
I want to share with you a passage from Teacher's recent teaching,
"Dafa disciples, you are golden light in the mortal world, the hope of the world's people, Fa-disciples who help Master, and future Fa-Kings. Keep diligent, Awakened Ones that walk the earth: Everything of today will be the glory of the future." ("Congratulatory Message")
Thank you, Teacher!
Thank you, everyone!
