(Clearwisdom.net) I have been studying the Fa diligently, have assimilated into the Fa and have eliminated numerous attachments over the past years of cultivation. I have tried my best to follow Teacher's requirements:
"Validate the Fa with rationality, clarify the truth with wisdom, spread the Fa and save people with mercy" ("Rationality" in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
While assimilating into the Fa, I have always tried to eliminate the old force's arrangements. I told the truth about Falun Gong to my family members, resident association staff and police. A great number of people I have had contact with have good understandings of Falun Gong now. My internal and external environments have improved greatly over time, enabling me to carry out my mission of clarifying the truth and saving sentient beings in a better environment.
1. Assimilating into the Fa by Forming a Cultivation Environment at Home
I obtained the Fa in 1994. I am grateful for Teacher's compassionate arrangements that allowed me to have a good environment for Fa study and removing attachments.
My health was weak when I was little, so my family spoiled me. As a result, I became self-centered, and I had a lot of problems with my "xinxing." Because I suffered from illness over such a long period of time, my body and soul became separated. When I was seriously ill I really wanted to die rather than suffer the pain.
In 1994, after I returned home from Teacher's Lecture in Zhengzhou, my body and mind improved greatly. It surprised my husband. He said, "How can my wife, with such a delicate, arrogant and self-centered character become a selfless person?" He was unaccustomed to my new easy-going temperament. He said, "Much to my surprise, a trip to Zhengzhou made the haughty lady change to the opposite." I must admit that he used to say that seeing a smile on my face brought great happiness to him and our son.
The huge change in my mind and body made me feel like I was walking on clouds. Now I know the importance of Dafa and what my family means to me. I managed to create a positive cultivation environment at home right from the very beginning of my cultivation.
I listened to Teacher's taped lectures whenever I was at home. I felt time was very limited, so I should listen while doing house chores. In this way, my husband and son listened to the Fa as well and gradually understood more about the teachings of Falun Gong. They understood the principle that one's Gong is as high as one's xinxing level. They raised questions and discussed them with me from time to time. Whenever they noticed that my behavior was not in harmony with Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance, they pointed it out to me compassionately. Accepting their criticism helped me to get rid of many bad attitudes.
In the beginning, sometimes I noticed my problems, but didn't correct them. When something like this happened, my husband would say, "You are returning to your old self! Why don't you stop cultivating?" Most of the time I replied, "Don't treat me like this, it should be considered an improvement to lengthen the frequency of losing my temper from one week to two."
My son was naughty and a leader among his friends. He liked to organize his classmates to play fighting games. He was with me most of the time. Every day, when I picked him up from school, other kid's parents were waiting to tell me about his escapades. For this reason, I couldn't balance the relationship between disciplining children and forbearance for quite a long time. During that period of time, I tended to lose my temper easily and then regret it later. Every night before going to bed, I recited "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance," to keep reminding myself.
Although my son was naughty, one day he spoke to four classmates whose parents practiced Falun Gong, and said to them, "We should behave ourselves because our parents are cultivators."
In my first year of cultivation, my husband and son routinely said to me, "You cultivated in vain today!" or "What kind of cultivator are you?" It was very effective, as it helped me to slow down and look within. I found it helpful towards my improvement, so I encouraged them and appreciated them telling me things. Later on, they too were able to live by the standards of the Fa.
Probably because my mind was firm in cultivating Falun Dafa and in wanting to improve, Teacher used others' mouths to correct me and to help me understand and improve. I still remember when we established a practice site in 1995 and two assistants had conflicts with each other. One came to my house and used my attachments to criticize the other. She said that the other had criticized my exercise movements. Apparently I was not doing them right. She asked me how I could still be an assistant. I replied, "Its normal for assistants to have incorrect movements sometimes, which is just like assistants having attachments. If my movements were incorrect, she should show me the correct way." I thought that probably I had a wrong attitude that prevented fellow practitioners from talking to me directly. The other practitioner realized that my heart was unmoved by her accusations and left.
My husband overheard our conversation. He spoke to me seriously and said, "I suggest that you practitioners should set a qualification period to be an assistant. Cultivation is solemn and sacred. Just let go of those who can't meet the standard; otherwise, they will undermine the Fa."
I replied, "Cultivators are improving gradually; you shouldn't expect us to reach the perfect standard immediately at the beginning of our cultivation." But actually his words shocked me deeply at the time. I knew it was Teacher using his mouth to give me a hint. The essence of cultivation is to cultivate the mind and we need to show it through our actions. While assimilating to Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance, our behavior safeguards as well as spreads the Fa; otherwise, it cannot achieve this effect.
Fellow practitioners used to come to my home to share cultivation experience. When they talked about conflicts with their families, I always used to respond, "How could you do that, I would..." Later my husband suggested that I change my way of saying things. Don't make affirmative conclusions; it doesn't sound compassionate. He suggested that I try a question, such as, "Would it be better if...?" I found it helpful. From then on, I paid attention to what I said and how I said things. I would review the conversations afterwards based on the Fa, and soon developed a harmonized way of thinking.
Later, I encouraged my husband and son to remind me and monitor me with the standards of Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance. They were glad to do so. Gradually my entire family behaved based on the Fa. Not only can we improve on the Fa, we can also discuss Fa principles based on the Fa. I don't treat my family members as everyday people. I got used to discussing with my husband the problems I encountered during activities with fellow practitioners, such as in establishing exercise sites, spreading the Fa or other conflicts. I always hoped that he could see the root of the problem and tell me. I told him, "I will expose everything that remains in my mind and cleanse it with the Fa."
My husband was in Hong Kong for a meeting on July 20, 1999, when the persecution of Falun Gong was announced. He was furious at the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and worried greatly about me. Later he told me that he regarded me as a woman of integrity, which made him seriously wonder how I would handle the impact of such a situation. I was very moved when I learned that his first thought on hearing the shocking news of the persecution was to withdraw from the party.
During the past ten years or more, my family has gone through a lot because of my cultivation of Dafa. They did as well as they could. Even when I was in jail, they took it silently and remained compassionate. When asked by friends why he treated me well and tolerated me, my husband patiently told the truth about Falun Gong and how my health had changed after the practice. It made his friends understand why cultivators tell the truth about Falun Gong all the time. My son was also able to safeguard the Fa steadfastly. When my father held bad thoughts about Dafa, he wrote him an eight-page letter. This changed my father's misunderstandings of Dafa and allowed him to understand the truth about Falun Gong. My mother also had a better cultivation environment afterwards.
Now when I diligently do the three things as a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple, I try my best to include my family and do things for them. They do the same in return as usual. Normally I go to bed after midnight. I don't use an alarm clock because I don't want to wake them up, and therefore would miss the time for sending forth righteous thoughts and feel regret. My husband noticed this, and for the longest time he woke me up at 6:00 a.m. I'm so touched by the miracle of Dafa and feel happy for my family's understanding of Dafa and for the fact that they have positioned themselves well.
2. Reconcile All Beings with Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance; Validating the Fa is Cleansing the External Environment
With a healthy home cultivation environment, many worries related to my ability to clarify the truth and spread the Fa were greatly diminished. It gave me more time and energy to focus on our sacred mission. However, this is only one aspect in cultivation. What's more important is to have all beings follow Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance. We need to do our best to rectify our external environment to achieve the goal of saving sentient beings.
When the evil persecution started, the home associations teamed up with special police agents and personnel from various organizations to monitor and "transform" Falun Gong practitioners. At that time, the home association always demanded that practitioners express their attitude towards Falun Gong. They held "transformation classes," and visited Dafa practitioners, monitoring them.
They came to my home more than ten times to ask me to give up cultivation and sign the so-called guarantee statement. I understood from the beginning that the persecution was not an ordinary persecution by human beings. Therefore, I could face them with a calm mind. I never thought that they were evil or came to find fault with me. I usually took it as Teacher's arrangement to test my compassion and patience and how I understood the Fa. Dafa is under attack in the human realm; if my behavior doesn't measure up to Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance, it could be used to criticize Dafa and damage the Fa's image. On the contrary, if I behave well then I safeguard the Fa.
I approached such situations by letting them have their say first, no matter if it was malicious or just trivial questions aimed at concocting problems. I held the attitude that they were deceived by lies. Therefore, I took all their bad words as good and replied to their questions with compassion and tolerance. For example, there were seven or eight people who were discussing with me a film that defamed Teacher and Dafa. They raised many questions, one after another. I let them finish with what they had to say and held the thought, "Just by staying unmoved one can handle all situations." Then it was my turn. I began with a clear understandable concept, which was that Dafa had spread widely in China for seven years before July 20, 1999. The foreign minister had also spread it overseas as "the essence of traditional Chinese culture." Wasn't our country still led by the same government after these seven years? What was different today? What had changed? Was it logical? All of them thought about it silently.
Then I focused on their suspicion, caused by the daily negative TV propaganda, and explained that there were some villains defaming Teacher only for their own profit. I said, "After they did several things against Dafa they harbored resentment in their heart. Not only did they turn against Teacher, but they planted denigrating material about Teacher and mass-mailed it. This act was criticized and stopped by some leaders from the National Gymnastic Bureau and Qigong Association who understood the truth. Therefore it didn't cause a bad effect at that time. I asked them to look up the information from the old days. Today CCTV uses a lot of such material, why is that? We all know why."
I also explained their questions about Teacher's birth date and living conditions in China. My explanations were based on facts and I didn't pursue anything. It created a peaceful and rational conversational atmosphere, and broke the usual questioning and debating style of the communist culture.
When asked about giving up the practice I focused on what Falun Gong is and how it benefits people. After a while of back and forth, the atmosphere among us was like fellow practitioners. Sometimes we spoke louder, sometimes we laughed. They asked questions one after another and I answered them.
There were often times when some of them would interfere with bad intentions to test my xinxing. When everyone else was listening with great interest, someone would pop in a question like, "When do you think you'll get rehabilitated?" I replied, "In the past several decades, all movements by the Communist Party were reversed and found to be unjust. But for those that the Communist Party did not allow, such as embezzlement, bribery, prostitution and drugs, which one has stopped? Did you take care of it?"
Sometimes they asked, "When will your Teacher (they said Teacher's name) return to China?" I could no longer remain calm and became irritable when they brought up Teacher in such a way. Afterwards I looked within and found a human notion that I eliminated. The next time the situation was better.
One time after they left, my husband said to me, "Why didn't you just write something saying that you give up to get rid of them, but still practice at home. It could stop their bothering you at home. When will this situation end?" I thought about it. After July 20 of 1999, I didn't hold much fear nor did I feel much pressure. However, my husband watched the media propaganda daily. I assume that the TV and newspaper propaganda stressed his mind. He worried about my safety all day long. In addition, there was pressure from his company managers and people in society. Staff from the home associations and police departments came to our home frequently. All of this might have pushed him over the edge, and I needed to help him clear his thoughts. I said to him, "If you want me to sign the so-called guarantee statement then you guarantee the following first, "1. Guarantee that I won't get sick. 2. Guarantee the medication expense will be covered if I get sick. 3. Guarantee the medicine will cure my sickness. 4. Guarantee that I won't die." He said that I was irrational, and I replied, "The Chinese Communist Party accused Falun Gong of not letting practitioners take medicine, and said that practitioners died because of practicing Falun Gong. Isn't that true? You may ask them to search all the Dafa books for a phrase that says 'people who practice Falun Gong don't die?' Hospitals can cure sickness, but they cannot save lives. Nobody can escape the cycle of birth, aging, sickness and death. No matter what people who practice religions believe in, eventually people die. Why didn't the Chinese Communist Party label other religions as cults?" I found that he was moved by my words and he began to think about it.
The next time staff from the police station and home association came asking me to give up the practice, I told them what I said to my husband. He stood by me and added, "There's no hierarchy in this practice." They replied with a smile, "Well, if you really want to practice then practice at home! But don't spread the word." I said, "Today it's you that came to me, not I that went to you. If you asked and I didn't reply, isn't it impolite? Neighbors all know I practice Falun Gong, if they care about me and ask about Falun Gong, how could I not reply?"
In December 1999, I went to Beijing to appeal and was detained for one month. After returning home, the area secretary wanted to send me to a brainwashing class. The director and neighborhood secretary had both carefully listened to my truth clarification, so they strongly opposed my being sent. Later, the neighborhood secretary told me, "She arranged to send you to a brainwashing class from the beginning, but I found you were peaceful and in good mental condition, so I insisted on forgetting about it." I knew it was Teacher encouraging me.
In May 2000 we held an experience sharing conference during the time of Teacher's birthday. I was sentenced to one year in prison for participating. Because I wasn't diligent in my Fa study and was attached to qing, I was "transformed" in the labor camp in the 8th month. I was exploited by the evil and put a terrible stain on my cultivation practice.
I reproached myself deeply and was stuck in regretting it.
In May 2001 after I returned home, I studied Teacher's lectures eagerly. The lectures given during the Fa-rectification period made me understand more clearly about what cultivation in the Fa-rectification period is, and what the old forces are. I realized that the old forces arranged the persecution of Dafa a long time ago. Teacher wants us to break such arrangement by telling people the truth about Falun Gong so that those whose minds were poisoned can be saved. And this is how we walk our path of Fa-rectification well. I realized the reason why I tumbled so badly was because I walked the path arranged by the old forces.
I came to realize that the biggest problems I faced were how to study the Fa well, how to thoroughly deny the arrangements of the old forces, and how to create a good cultivation environment again. While using Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance to help those who persecuted Dafa disciples, I applied the Fa's law of "beyond the limits of forbearance."
One time they wanted me to report my thoughts to them. I said, "I know that the police force is a tool of the government, but I believe that it is the job description, not the person that is the tool. We all have a flesh body, then how would you treat me if I were your sister? In addition, the law addresses people's behavior, not their thoughts. The freedom of belief is a universal human right. You should be clearer on this than I. How could you ask me to report my thoughts to you? Would you ask your spouse and children to do so? And would you report your thoughts to your spouse?" They all laughed.
Later they mentioned that they planned to visit me once a month. I said, "As a practitioner I can understand that this is your job, but do you know how my husband would feel about it? Would he like to have intruders when his family gathers together? I quit my job to take care of my family so that he can devote himself to work. He pays taxes to the government - millions of yuan - maybe your salary is paid with his taxes. He will complain that you take money from taxpayers but don't do things that are in the taxpayers' interests. He feels very disturbed about your frequent visits to a good housewife like me. Why don't you go visit those drug dealers once a month? It would definitely benefit them, their families and the country. Such actions would be welcomed by the public." Understanding what I said to be reasonable, they gave up on their plan.
Another time, the area secretary and three others came to my house. They wanted me to disassociate with a fellow practitioner in my neighborhood. This female practitioner lives outside of their administrative area, but she used to come to my practice site to perform the exercises. She went to Beijing to appeal several times, but they couldn't do anything to stop it. They wanted me to express how I felt about this situation. I said, "If a person can stay at home without trouble then he must be a legal citizen. People need friends. Dancers have other dancers as friends, so, we practitioners of Falun Gong.... I really cannot promise you that I will not contact her." They were speechless.
After I returned home, I asked a fellow practitioner to mail truth clarifying CDs and other materials to the home associations and their related organizations. They felt uptight after receiving the materials and thought that I had mailed them. The area secretary came to my home, trying to find out more about it. I knew she paid attention to children's education and nutrition issues, so I chatted with her about the way I got along with my son. Our conversation was relaxing and it was like friends talking. She said, "You're different from other Falun Gong practitioners. Your life is wonderful and you're normal." I knew she meant to say that I wasn't "irrational." I told her that most practitioners are like me. I told her, "everyone has a different character. For example, if a mentally insane person practices Falun Gong, he might still be insane. In that case, his behavior cannot possibly come from the Fa. However, this phenomenon damages the Fa to a certain degree. We need to judge everything with the standards of Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance." She nodded in agreement. On her way out I reminded her, "Don't be so tense and look for trouble. There will be trouble if you think so, and it'll be okay if you think it's okay." My husband asked me after she left, "Did she understand what you were saying?" I said, "She understood it." Therefore, no matter how much truth-clarifying materials circulated in that area, she didn't make a big deal out of it.
On sensitive days, such as April 25 and July 20, the area secretary visited my house. This time she only chatted with me and I treated her like an old friend. I told her a story about how I looked within when buying meat from a butcher and he looked as if he was touched by my behavior. I told her that we cultivators always look within, and we can always find something wrong with ourselves. Teacher said,
"Different levels have different Fa." (Lecture One of Zhuan Falun)
She admired me and said, "I find that you are a person of wisdom, and I really like being friends with you." I replied, "I've treated you as friend." She told me that her supervisor asked about me, and she told him that I was a good person and have a wonderful family life." She told him not to bother me. I appreciate this from her.
Two men who were deeply poisoned by the evil propaganda came to my home to find fault with me. While we were having a peaceful conversation, one of them raised some deceptive questions. I asked him if he was expecting me to make trouble? He was shocked when he realized that if I get into trouble, they would get in trouble too. I told them that my husband and I were a model family in this neighborhood. Ever since then, they changed their attitude completely and seldom came to bother us. Sometimes they made a phone call just to say hello.
Throughout these last years, I have seen the compassion of Dafa while living with my family and other people. Whenever danger closed in, Dafa gave me the wisdom to improve my truth clarification and save sentient beings. I have been given this precious chance. Even if I did some things that a Dafa practitioner should do, I know that I am still far away from the standards required by Teacher and Dafa. I didn't study the Fa well, my xinxing is unstable, and I didn't pay enough attention to sending forth righteous thoughts. I sincerely feel that we will naturally walk our truth clarification path well and save more and more sentient beings if we study the Fa diligently, safeguard the Fa and assimilate into the Fa.
2006-3-16
