(Clearwisdom.net)
1. Genuine Determination Comes from Viewing Everything from the Standpoint of the Fa
I was merely interested in having my illness cured when I first started practicing Falun Gong. I had no idea at all what cultivation practice was about. As I studied the Fa more, I understood that one could reach Buddhahood via cultivation practice. Then I became attached to reaching Buddhahood and began to work toward this goal. I even thought: "If all Falun Gong practitioners, except me, should reach Consummation, I would rather end my life." Consequently, I became very "determined" in my cultivation practice on the surface, but the truth is that I had a strong attachment to reaching Consummation and I was very selfish. After Jiang Zemin and the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started to persecute Falun Gong on July 20, 1999, it felt as though the evil became rampant as it towered above us. I knew I should protect the Fa and I actually went to visit the Jilin Province Committee and the State Appeals Office in Beijing to appeal for Falun Gong. I had done so with an everyday person's mentality of being loyal to Falun Gong, to uphold justice for Falun Gong or to act like a "determined" hero. I thought I could even let go of my family like a tragic hero in order to protect the Fa, but my cultivation practice was not quite at the level I had boasted. In fact, I was not able to let go of my attachment to qing as I had thought I could. I missed and worried about my son, and so the evil force in the labor camp exploited my loophole of qing. Because I had not cultivated myself well in my personal cultivation practice, and I had not studied the Fa well, I stood up against the persecution with an everyday person's "determination." Finally, I collapsed and did something that betrayed Teacher and the Fa. I wrote a guarantee statement not to practice Falun Gong and left a mark of shame and regret on my cultivation record.
While imprisoned in the forced labor camp, I was forced to stand for long periods daily and was subjected to brainwashing. After a very long period of time, my health and my will were beginning to fail. Teacher repeatedly gave me hints. Each time I closed my eyes when I was forced to stand still, I could see myself standing in the air. Each time I closed my eyes and sent righteous thoughts, I could see a ray of white light shooting from the top of my head towards the sky. I could not even see the end of the white light. I had these visions for a very long time. I had such a poor enlightenment quality that I kept telling myself these were merely illusions under torture. After I was released, I told my visions to fellow practitioners, who thought they were Teacher's compassionate hints. I had let Teacher down when he took so many efforts to save me.
Now Teacher has lifted me out of the abyss of despair and given me hope and an opportunity to be diligent in my cultivation practice once again. As I continued to study the Fa, I became increasingly mature because of a particular article written by Teacher and fellow practitioners' sharing of cultivation experiences. I understood how I should cultivate myself. I realized that my so-called "determination," which was based on the notion of selfishness and driven by the goal of reaching Consummation, was very fragile and could never stand against the evils' tests. I have a better understanding of the following words. Teacher said,
"Indestructible righteous faith in the cosmos's Truth forms benevolent Dafa disciples' rock-solid, Diamond-Like Bodies, it frightens all evil, and the light of Truth it emanates makes the unrighteous elements in all beings' thoughts disintegrate. However strong the righteous thoughts are, that's how great the power is." ("Also in a Few Words" in Essentials for Further Advancement II.)
2. Letting Go of My Attachments to Save Sentient Beings
Teacher emphasizes the importance of Fa study in nearly every lecture. I did study the Fa, but I did so as though I was just trying to complete an assignment. Although my eyes were reading the Fa lectures, had I actually tried to understand their contents from the bottom of my heart? Fa study is so sacred, but I had approached it just like a routine. How could I have possibly assimilated myself to the Fa? As a result of not studying the Fa well, I didn't do other things well either. Only when I study the Fa well will I be able to validate the Fa better and save more sentient beings.
Since I started to genuinely cultivate myself, I have begun to realize the wonders and the importance of Fa study. For example, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) has been deceiving the Chinese people with their fraudulent lies and propaganda. For the past few decades, the CCP has been trapping the Chinese people in the small cage of the CCP culture. The people of China, including my own family members, have fallen prey to the CCP's poisonous culture. As a result, it has become a daunting task to clarify the truth to my family. The roots of immediate self-interest, their notions and the poisonous CCP culture have wrapped deeply around their heads. Each time I talked about Falun Gong, we would end the conversation in conflict. For a period of time, I had felt very frustrated and defeated. Once I was preparing to meet my younger brother in order to clarify the truth to him. I repeatedly sent righteous thoughts and looked for appropriate truth-clarification materials before our meeting. I made the preparation one day in advance, but the meeting ended shortly after we exchanged a few words of argument. Afterwards, I studied the Fa seriously and searched inward. I realized that it was not because my younger brother was stubborn, but that I had not let go of my qing and, thus, became easily provoked and anxious. Naturally, the old forces had taken advantage of this big attachment.
Teacher said,
"The evil takes advantage of the slightest gap and glares menacingly at every single word and action of yours. Whatever you're attached to, that's what the evil beings will strengthen, and when your mind is off they will make you irrational." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference")
I felt Teacher's every word was referring to me. The more I feared my family might be weeded out, the more the evil interfered with my brother. How could I possibly save people when I was so anxious?
During the process of studying the Fa, I have rectified my mentality and started to treat my family members as sentient beings. Once I reached a good understanding of the Fa, things went smoothly. Occasionally I would change the subject to Falun Gong during talks with my younger brother, and his attitude completely changed although I said very little. He admitted that Falun Gong is good and said that he came to this conclusion because of his perception of me. He even gave a few examples to prove Falun Gong is good. I took the opportunity to talk him into withdrawing from the CCP and its affiliated organizations, and he agreed to do so right away! Through my younger brother's change, I had a better understanding of the following passage of the Fa. Teacher said,
"As I've said, everything that happens today in the ordinary society is the result of Dafa disciples' thoughts." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.")
A cultivator can only understand the connotations of this passage of the Fa when following Teacher's requirements to search inward without pursuit. I took great pains to prepare for the meeting with my younger brother, but the result was bad because of my strong attachment. When I let go of my attachment to tangible results, things worked out for the best even though I didn't talk much. Such different results have come about because of my different mentalities. I really should study the Fa more because the Fa will eliminate all of my attachments and notions and will steer me towards a righteous path.
3.Guarding Every Thought and Rectifying Any Impure Thought to Prevent the Old Forces' Exploitation
During the past few years of working with fellow practitioners in truth-clarification, we have improved together in our cultivation practice. We have also had conflicts from time to time, especially among those who work more closely and have different opinions. For a period of time, I was so busy with truth-clarification work that I had neglected my Fa study. I became attached to doing truth-clarification work. As a result, problems arose. A fellow practitioner kindly pointed out my problems. At first, I searched inward, but I finally lost my composure when I learned that she criticized me behind my back with some other practitioners. I began to have a lot of animosity towards her. When I thought of her, I thought only of her shortcomings and imperfections. I even decided that I could do the three things well without her. Eventually, I stopped searching inward altogether. My head was filled with other practitioners' shortcomings. Later I gradually identified my attachment as I continued to study the Fa.
Teacher said,
"You're a cultivator, so why is it that sometimes you have lengthy arguments where you refuse to give ground? Why do you always say it's because of other people's attitudes? Why is it that whenever someone else says something you're affected? Aren't you supposed to remain unaffected even when someone verbally assaults you? Many of the factors that contribute to a conflict are caused by that thing at work. Whenever someone hits on that thing you become rash and worked up, your heart even starts to pound, and at that moment you don't think of being responsible to the Fa but just get angry and can't get over it." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference")
This passage of the Fa directly points out my problem. Aren't I supposed to get rid of my stubborn attachment to selfishness, my notions and other attachments? Isn't it a good thing when fellow practitioners point out my problems? Instead of thanking her, I held fast to these filthy thoughts and found fault in her. Is this the mentality of a cultivator? I was even worse than a non-cultivator.
As I continued to study the Fa, I became more clearheaded and discovered many of my inadequacies and bad thoughts that were deeply hidden and required purging during my cultivation practice. Teacher said,
"Haven't I said this before: lives of the future do things for others' sake, not for their own? This process is exactly one in which such qualities are forged in you, so you can't think about only yourself." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York")
Teacher requires us to become selfless and altruistic righteous enlightened beings. On our way to attain the goal, Teacher has been watching over us and steering us towards the righteous path. I should eliminate or let go of those thoughts that do not meet the standards of the Fa. Meanwhile, I realized that it was the evils' goal to divide us by exploiting upon our human thoughts and escalating the conflicts among us because the evil will stop at nothing to destroy our cultivation. We are Teacher's disciples on the way to godhood. We must never allow the old forces to get the better of us. On the path of cultivation practice, I must remain clearheaded and rational. I must overcome illusions with the Fa, cleanse myself with the Fa and follow Teacher to the end with determination.
4. Following Fellow Practitioners Instead of the Fa Will Destroy Them as Well as Oneself
As I interacted more with fellow practitioners who appeared to cultivate better, I couldn't help idolizing them. Because I thought they cultivated better and had a better enlightenment quality, I would follow their deeds and decisions blindly, not realizing that following fellow practitioners is a sign of lacking a clear main consciousness. Teacher said,
"I have always said that in cultivation Dafa disciples have no role models. And it's not just that in your personal cultivation you have to walk your own path--even the form of cultivation I have imparted to you has no example to follow. So you just have to blaze this path yourselves." ("Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference")
No matter how well a practitioner cultivates or enlightens to the Fa, he only attains a limited level in cultivation. No matter how high his level might be, he will never exceed the Fa. While there is Teacher and there is the Fa, why didn't I follow the Fa or measure everything according to the Fa? Where would I end up if I continued to follow fellow practitioners instead of the Fa? What were my standards? Have I blazed my own path? By following fellow practitioners instead of the Fa, I have not only lowered my standards of cultivation, but also put them in danger because the old forces are constantly lurking at every corner. When I idolized a fellow practitioner, the old forces would increase that practitioner's tribulations and put him or her in danger. Thus I would put the both of us at risk.
Once I attained a clear understanding on the Fa, I rectified my thoughts and began to measure everything according to the Fa again. I shouldn't talk to those with attachments in a condescending manner, nor should I think I am better or order them around. Everyone has different attachments and walks on his own path. A fellow practitioner who exhibits weaknesses in one area might exhibit strengths in another area. In other words, I should be impervious to fellow practitioners' strengths or weaknesses. I must not respond to any fellow practitioner's strengths or weaknesses with everyday peoples' mentality. Teacher said,
"So in any situation, don't be affected by human-type behavior, don't be affected by human thoughts, and don't be affected by the feelings and emotions in this world, either. Look more at the positives in others and less at the negatives." ("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference")
Although I live in an everyday people's society, I must remember that I am a cultivator.
From now on, I must blaze my own path myself solidly and determinedly. I must be impervious to everything in every form. I must not deviate from the standards of the Fa. I must do well the three things Teacher requires of us and show my gratitude for Teacher's compassionate salvation by cultivating myself more diligently.
