(Clearwisdom.net)
I began to rectify myself with the Fa only after I went astray
Master repeatedly stressed the importance of studying the Fa more and well in his lectures. In my everyday life, I seemed to have paid enough attention to studying the Fa, but my attention was superficial, as I cared more about how much and how fast I read the book instead of reading it attentively and checking my actions against it. I thought I had kept pace with the Fa-rectification process since I did things that validated the Fa every day. Actually I overlooked cultivating myself in my practice, even though I still have many human sentiments, such as attachments to fame, wealth, and qing, as well as competitiveness, complacency, and desire for comfort. So I was taken advantage of by the evil and illegally sentenced to a one-year term of forced labor.
I realized that I must have had gaps but didn't know where they were in the beginning. Fortunately I had memorized some Fa, such as Hong Yin and Master's recent articles before I was arrested. I survived my time of hardship in the labor camp by relying on reciting the Fa and on my faith in Master and Dafa. Then and there I realized how important it was to study the Fa. Particularly in that kind of wicked setting, it was awful for a Dafa disciple if he or she could not read the Fa and lost it from his or her heart. Meanwhile, I truly realized that I had only studied the Fa superficially before and didn't solidly cultivate myself. That is why I suffered so much in the camp.
During my first month in the camp, jail guards and several collaborators used various means in their attempts to "transform" me. I turned a deaf ear to them, Master's words kept flashing into my mind. Helpless, they turned to my family members for help, and I gave in under the pressure of family love. As I was unwillingly signing the papers, I knew I was doing the most stupid thing. Lying in bed at night, I asked myself, "Why should I knowingly commit a sin?" Tears streamed down my cheeks! Master's words in "Dafa Is Indestructible" echoed in my mind:
"A Dafa disciple completely opposes everything arranged by the evil old forces. Clarify the truth thoroughly, eliminate the evil with righteous thoughts, save all beings, and safeguard the Fa with determination, because you are a part of Dafa, indestructible; rectify all that is not righteous. Those who are 'reformed' and those who are being saved can only be beings who were deceived by the evil. Those who are being eliminated are the evil beings and the evil old forces. Those who are reaching Consummation through all this are Dafa disciples; and through all this Dafa's mighty virtue is established."
I repeatedly recited this passage in my head and asked myself again, "Am I still a Dafa disciple? A Dafa disciple should be firm in preserving the Fa and set right all that is not right. What did I do? I failed Dafa and Master by going along with the old forces' arrangements." I hated myself for not being able to keep my faith, and knew that I must wipe out the stains I had brought on myself, so I submitted my "Solemn Statement" to the prison management. Since then, I have always kept Master's following words in my mind:
"The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts." ("Drive Out Interference")
I started reciting the Fa more often: in the morning when I woke up, during the day whenever I had a chance, and at night before I went to sleep. Reciting the Fa became the most important part of my life in that perilous situation. Despite a wicked setting, I had a transcendent feeling there because I had the Fa in my heart. Master's words kept ringing in my ears:
"Indestructible righteous faith in the cosmos's Truth forms benevolent Dafa disciples' rock-solid, Diamond-Like Bodies, it frightens all evil, and the light of Truth it emanates makes the unrighteous elements in all beings' thoughts disintegrate. However strong the righteous thoughts are, that's how great the power is. Dafa disciples are truly stepping forward out of ordinary humanness." ("Also In a Few Words")
As a disciple, I had no reason not to follow Master's words. I gradually rejected the evil's demands by refusing to attend the brainwashing sessions, to take tests on the jail rules, to write self-scrutiny reports, to do overtime work, and finally to do any work at all. I resisted all of these in the face of jail guards' constant intimidations and threats. They told my family and me more than once that I would never be able to go home the way I behaved, that my time would be extended, and that they might even have to torture me.
They also attempted to use "family love" to change my mind by asking my family members to visit me. My mother, my husband, and my sister wailed in front of me and repeatedly begged me to change my heart, for fear that I would never be able to go home. But I firmly believed that the more I went against the evil, the less potent the evil elements became. When I defied the evil, the evil did not dare to touch me. I had Master's words in mind, and Master's Fa graced me with righteous thoughts and courage. This way, with Master's mercy and protection, I dissolved waves of seemingly overwhelming tests and hardships.
Master will help me when I have a pure and righteous mind
After I was released from the labor camp, I was in a depressed and confused mood for quite a while due to interference and pressure from my family. Because I had explained the truth to them, my family knew before I was arrested that Falun Dafa is good. But since my persecution, they'd listened to the communist regime's propaganda, believing that things would not have gotten this bad if I had gone along with the authorities on the surface and kept my faith in my heart. They complained that I was not being sensible and began to hold grudges against Dafa. For them as well as for myself, I felt sad. I knew that my family had such bad thoughts because they had been poisoned by the communist regime's lies and because I had not done enough to clarify the truth to them, so I felt I should do more. At first I talked to them nicely in a human way, and though my tone was calm, I became agitated and got into arguments when they showed disrespect for Dafa. Instead of understanding the truth better, they kept an even tighter control over me and, as a result, I found it harder to see fellow practitioners and validate the Fa.
Through discussion with fellow practitioners, I came to realize that I could not expect to solve any problems by relying on human emotions. Instead, I would fall into ordinary people's ways. Master said,
"Compassion can warm heaven and earth with spring;
Upright thoughts may save humans in the world"
("Fa Rectifies Heaven and Earth," Hongyin II, provisional translation)
A Dafa disciple should get rid of human emotions and develop compassion. I knew that compassion develops through cultivation, and although I did not have that great compassion yet at my present level, I should still try to cultivate myself. Our Master said,
"If someone says that it's not good and you debate with him in everyday people's ways, or you try to silence him or the like, that will worsen the disagreement. We should just conduct ourselves well and handle everything with compassion. You don't need to argue or debate with them. People have a side of them that's aware, and they'll be moved on the human surface too. They'll naturally say that you're good." ("Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference")
Now that I was clear on the Fa principles, I set about doing a better job. In my relationships with my family, I tried to understand them more and be considerate of their feelings. Although I was unable to do it perfectly all the time, most of the time, I was able to be mindful that I am a Dafa disciple and therefore I should do well so that my family would feel the purity and kindness of a Dafa disciple. Consequently, my family was slowly able to listen to me and became more clearheaded as I kept explaining the truth to them. My husband had imposed three rules on me when I came out of the labor camp: no more distribution of truth-clarification materials, no more contact with other Dafa disciples, and no more fellow practitioners allowed into our home. But he changed and became more understanding as I kept clarifying the facts to him. When fellow practitioners came to our house, he was no longer hostile. Instead, he was quite friendly to them. One practitioner was displaced from her home because of persecution. When I suggested we let her stay in our home, he readily agreed. In the past when I gave him truth-clarification materials to read, he'd refuse with all sorts of excuses. But not long after the publication of the Nine Commentaries, I asked him to read them. He finished reading them overnight and kept saying that they were good. Soon after the waves of people quitting the Party began, I advised him to abandon his association with the Communist organizations. He did it without hesitation. My daughter, who had been at my side since she was very young while I was distributing truth-clarification flyers and has always been supportive of Dafa, withdrew from the Communist Young Pioneers. Through my efforts as well as that of my father, who is also a practitioner, 14 family members, including my mother, my sister, my brother-in-law, my brother, my sister-in-law, and my two nieces all renounced their affiliations with the Communist organizations.
As the Fa-rectification process was advancing, I was more aware of my great responsibility. Especially after the publication of Master's article "Let Go of Human Attachments and Save the World's People," I recognized that Dafa disciples have a duty and mission to save the people in the world. At the same time, I felt that what I had done was far short of what was required of me in that mission. I asked myself, "What should I do to fulfill my responsibility in the Fa-rectification?" It occurred to me that I should set up a home-based truth-clarification materials center, but I didn't have much money and knew practically nothing about computers. "I must think of a way to learn how to operate a computer and find the money needed," I decided. "I have to do it well any way I can." The thought seemed to have worked. A few days later, a coordinator came to see me and asked me what I had been doing and what I planned to do. When I told her what I thought, she smiled and said, "We had the same idea." A few days later she gave me a computer and a printer and asked a fellow practitioner who had just learned how to operate a computer to work with me. Actually, I'd thought about this practitioner not long before. She had become homeless because of the persecution, and I had wanted to let her stay with me but hadn't heard from her for a while. I smiled and felt surrounded by Master's vast mercy and compassion. I only had the wish to validate the Fa and save all beings, and Master saw it and let me have everything I needed. I didn't have any reason not to do it well.
I made another pledge: "I will rely on myself to do everything. I will not only learn how to operate the computer and the printer, but also find the necessary funds without asking others for help." Very quickly I learned how to use the Internet, download data, compile materials, and print documents. In the meantime, my husband opened a small business for me. When it was not busy, the fellow practitioner and I would study the Fa, send out righteous thoughts, and make truth-clarification materials. When customers came, we would be friendly to them and tell them about the persecution, the Nine Commentaries, and the waves of people who were quitting the communist organizations. Our business did surprisingly well, and within a short period of time I had enough money for a new computer and printer. So I returned the original computer and printer and let them continue to play the role of validating the Fa and saving all beings in the hands of other practitioners.
After what I have been through, I truly realize that cultivation is all about cultivating the mind. As long as we have a righteous mind and do well what we should do, Master will help us with anything we need, as "'Cultivation depends on ones own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one's master.'" (Zhuan Falun)
