(Clearwisdom.net) It will soon be one year since I joined an internet chat group to clarify the truth. At the time I joined, I had been clarifying the truth for two years on my own. Although I talked about my experiences when going out to share with practitioners, I had not gone beyond the limitation of personal cultivation as a cultivator in the Fa-rectification period. The greatest Fa-power can only be manifested when we work together as one-body. I tempered myself in this environment. With more tools for truth clarification, the effort of my clarification became better and better.
I took a training course for internet chat and learned how to teach others to chat on the internet. I also tried to be a coordinator and a tutor for the project. I went to Xiaonanmen to teach the technique for two months. I met many practitioners there, some of whom took their children with them, as they had no family members who could look after them. Some came despite being quite elderly. Everyone had different understandings towards Dafa and this is displayed in their ways of doing things. However, I was willing to teach anyone who wanted to learn.
My human thinking was challenged during the work. In the beginning I was very much attached to my ego. It seemed that I was stuck by my model of how to clarify the truth. When I looked within, I found that it was all because I was validating myself instead of Dafa. I instantly eliminated the thought (of validating myself).
Another barrier was that I was very reluctant to do data analysis after I clarified the truth. I felt it was very troublesome to categorize the on-line audience. The more reluctant I was, the harder it became. Things changed for the better after my attachments were removed. After all, working as a group is different than working by oneself. We are saving all sentient beings. How could we let our human attachments interfere with the responsibility of a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple?
We are all cultivating in a maze and the thoughts of sentient beings keep changing very fast. My experiences acquired from clarifying the truth over a long period of time made me realize a principle: Respond to tens of thousands of changes with no changes and subdue tens of thousands of different happenings with an unmoved mind. We have only one starting point, which is to save people. We assimilate ourselves to Falun Dafa's characteristic of compassion. Our state of cultivation will manifest in the process of clarifying the truth. When my thoughts were pure, the effects were very good. If my thoughts were blundering and I did it with an attitude of finishing a job, people's hearts were not moved. Every sentient being is precious. We cannot harbor any thoughts about whether this one can be saved and that one cannot. We need just to try to save them. Whether a person can be saved is measured by the Fa.
After realizing the importance of the quitting CCP service center, I started sharing my thoughts with contacts in the email list, calling for more practitioners to participate in online chatting to help more precious Chinese people quit the CCP. I gave courses at our local computer center several times. Seeing that the number of the withdrawals from the party increased greatly on a daily basis, I felt the Fa-power of our whole group was strengthened. The evil is very scared of this kind of situation. They set more filters on the online chat tools and we were challenged in that the number of contacts we could add in each time also varied. However, I believed that our heartfelt purpose in saving sentient beings would never change and we remained steadfast.
Recently I discovered a big attachment within myself, a huge material called "imagination." Oftentimes when things had not happened yet, I would imagine a certain result. This is a big hurdle for a cultivator. Teacher stated in "Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.:"
"As I've said, everything that happens today in the ordinary society is the result of Dafa disciples' thoughts."
One thought of an enlightened being of the Great Law can create a cosmos. As matter and mind are one thing, the matter behind the "imagination" is fear, and it supplies energy to "imagination." For example, in my daily life, I would observe a practitioner's expressions to guess whether he/she still had forgotten the mistake I made before. Would he/she tell others about my shortcomings? When I needed to go to the Fa-study at night, I would wonder: Will my husband feel unhappy? When I needed to go to the experience-sharing conference on Sunday and could not go shopping with my husband, I did not know how I should tell him this. When the phone rang, I became worried: If this is a call from a fellow practitioner, how will my husband respond...etc. I was very surprised to realize that after cultivating for so long, I was still hindered by these attachments. I told Teacher that I did not want these matters and knew that the old forces were imposing their will upon me. I knew I must negate all these and walk on the path arranged by Teacher.
After I saw through all this interference, the results became different when things happened. One night I took a practitioner's car to go out to share experiences and came back very late. However, I no long tried to imagine what my husband's attitude would be. Upon returning home I found that he had already fallen asleep. The next day he asked me why I came back so late. I did not harbor the notion that I had done anything wrong, nor did I try to think whether or not he would be angry. I just told him that I had to wait for the other practitioner to give me a lift, so I was late. He said nothing upon hearing this! One night the coordinator of the internet group called me to ask me to write an experience sharing article. I instantly started imagining, but realized this was wrong immediately. After I finished talking with the coordinator over the phone, I noticed that my husband's expression was very interesting. He seemed to want to complain, but his angry expression disappeared very quickly, as if he had forgotten. An everyday person is very weak in front of a cultivator. The question is: Are our thoughts pure and righteous?
My doubts about fellow practitioners also strengthened the partitioning factors among us. A practitioner told me that I often had demonic interference from my own mind and transformation following mind-intent. I felt deeply hurt in the beginning, did not believe it and felt unhappy about this practitioner. After I discovered the issue of imagination, I felt much gratitude for the practitioner's reminder.
Teacher said in "Falun Buddha Fa -Lecture at the First Conference in North America:"
"Everything that happens to you is a test to see whether you can regard yourself as a cultivator, find your own wrongdoing and mistakes, and conduct yourself as a cultivator. Remember these words of mine: No matter what trouble you encounter, no matter what makes you feel unpleasant inside, and no matter whether on the surface you're right or wrong, if you are to truly regard yourself as a cultivator you should always examine yourself for causes. Ask yourself whether you have a wrong, hard-to-detect motive that's related to the problem. If you, as a cultivator, only part with things superficially while deep down inside you still stick to something or cling to your own vital interests that you don't allow to be undermined, I'd say to you that your cultivation is fake! If your own thinking doesn't change, you cannot advance even one step and are deceiving yourself. Only when you truly improve from within can you make real progress. "
My human mind always hopes for practitioners' praise of my cultivation achievements and always worries about their disapproval of me. A practitioner who truly cultivates well will not have these thoughts. Cultivators should get rid of worldly things. I was attached to these things, however, which were nothing other than fame, gain, and emotion. What should a great enlightened being achieve? Now I have became more and more clear. Yes, an infinite number of sentient beings are laying their hopes on me. What can I not give up!
I still remember that in May 2005, in order to go to Xinzhu to participate in the semi-annual experience sharing conference of the internet group, I encountered strong opposition from my husband. We were even on the verge of divorce. Although nothing happened after I returned home, all these conflicts happened because of my human thinking. Having cultivated from more than six years, I should have become mature. I believe that I can do better in the future. I am grateful for Teacher's protection and caring on my path of cultivation and thank fellow practitioners for their help. This is just my personal understanding to share.
