(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Gong in 1998. After July 20, 1999, my practice slowly came to a halt. Not until October 2004 did I return to cultivation. I'd like to report my experiences of the past year to Teacher and also share them with fellow practitioners.
1. Recalling my previous path, I feel that I had let Teacher down
After graduating from university in 1999, I was assigned to work in a city very far from my hometown. The practitioners I knew from the university all went to different places. At the same time a veteran practitioner from my hometown was extorted for several thousand yuan because of practicing Falun Gong. After being extorted, he stopped practicing. The authorities arrested the coordinator from our practice site. I felt that my new city was very strange and scary. My work also didn't go well. After many painful experiences, I resigned and returned to the state capital.
Where could I find a suitable job? My family encouraged me to take the entrance test for a master's degree. I pretended to study for the test and became a member of the "master's degree entrance test group" at the university. Without a job, I relied entirely on my parents for my livelihood. I wasted my time for two years. I didn't pass the entrance exam and neither did I study the Fa much. I disliked my parasitic way of life at that time, so I used some personal connections, and in the process of getting a job spent several thousand yuan. The opportunity, however, disappeared right before I was about to get the job. Later, without much effort I found a job by chance. I treasured that job and worked very hard. I went to work early and left late. My work record was excellent. My boss quickly acknowledged my competence. My colleagues enjoyed spending time with me. But at that time I completely forgot that I was a cultivator. Instead, I fell into the competitive mentality of a non-practitioner. I was also hopelessly chained by human emotions. Large chunk of times were wasted. In June 2004 the company went bankrupt and I became jobless.
One day I suddenly realized that all of my efforts to get ahead in the society were in vain. I regretted it gravely. I rested my face on a Dafa book and fell into deep thought. I had been away from Dafa for a very long time. Maybe Teacher saw my true remorse. That night, in a dream I saw my body flying up. In the past, I had dreamed of my hometown being washed away by a flood while I dropped down fast into the water. Teacher had hinted in my dream that I had a heart disease, but it actually meant that my heart had become dirty. I had lost my original purity. I realized that in those recent years I had completely slipped. Later, I dreamed of myself standing in the middle of a mountain, half way up from the peak. Teacher then performed guanding (a purifying energy poured into the body through the top of the head) on me many times, speeding up the cleansing of my body.
2. Making the best use of my time to study the Fa; catching up with Fa-rectification
Since July 20, 1999, I had been in a state of seclusion from Fa-rectification. I didn't get a chance to read Teacher's new lectures. The gap between diligent practitioners and myself was huge. In October 2004 I got a hold of a fellow practitioner. He copied Teacher's lectures onto a CD and gave it to me. I didn't have a computer then, so I could only use a company computer. I read the lectures after work or on the weekends. What a feeling it was for me after a long separation! As I read the Fa, my tear streamed down.
I am grateful for Teacher's compassionate salvation. Teacher didn't give up on me, even though I had deteriorated for years. I truly felt what "the Buddha's boundless grace" means! The night of October 31, 2004, I had a dream. It was the first time I clearly saw Teacher. Teacher told me, "two months from now you can go home with Teacher." It so happened that two months later I had finished reading all of Teacher's new lectures. My understanding soared. That was when I caught up with Fa-rectification. I had another dream in which I saw many people waiting in line for a train. I had only just bought the ticket, and caught the train just in time.
3. Cleansing the body; experiencing a supernormal phenomenon
Resuming cultivation, one must go through the process of cleansing the body again. I remember that one day I felt like I was catching a severe cold. My whole body was sore. My body temperature was high. I forced myself to endure it, lying in bed for two days. On the third day the fever diminished. My sore throat and runny nose disappeared. I knew that Teacher had cleansed my body. Later I experienced a diarrhea-like kind of symptom twice. My bowel and bladder eliminations were black-colored. Although the process of eliminating sickness karma was painful I felt very happy. Teacher has cleansed my body! At the same time I blamed myself for letting Teacher down and making Teacher endure so much for me! I remember when I had just begun to study the Fa in 1998; the process of eliminating sickness karma didn't appear to be as strong as it was this time.
4. Attempting to clarify the truth; overcoming fear
Of the three things that Teacher required us to do, Fa-study, exercises, and sending forth righteous thoughts weren't difficult to accomplish, but clarifying the truth (for a practitioner who only just stepped forward) took some time to achieve.
In fact, as a child I was introverted and silent. Now I need to go out and talk to people. It was hard. In order to best clarify the truth one must be quite familiar with the Fa. I required myself to read through all the truth-clarification materials I could get. Little by little, I started to speak to relatives, to taxi drivers, to store managers, to key mechanics, to printer mechanics, to computer repair people, to colleagues and friends. I improved my eloquence. Now, many people are surprised at my speaking skills. I think that this is the power of Dafa.
When I just began to clarify the truth I once met someone on stepping out the door. His small van had died on him and he needed someone to help push the vehicle. I helped him to push for a distance. To express his gratitude he insisted on driving me to work. I found out that we were going in the same direction. I realized that it was an opportunity to clarify the truth to him. Because my company was very near, it would only take a few minutes. As soon as I stepped into the van I started the conversation. Surprisingly, he became alert and said, "I know about you people. You want to see the world plunge into chaos." I immediately became anxious about his misunderstandings of Falun Gong, but I quickly calmed down to send forth righteous thoughts. Then he said, "But I won't report you." I left the van before it reached my company. That was the only time I came across potential danger, but no harm was done.
Later I learned to use wisdom and various methods to clarify the truth. The results were good. Initially I called my former college classmate on a cell phone to clarify the truth. The phone call lasted for over half an hour. I learned later that this method wasn't safe. But I was like how the Chinese say, "The newborn calf does not fear the tiger." Because I had no fear, with Teacher's merciful protection, I didn't encounter any danger.
I solemnly declared on the Clearwisdom website my determination to resume my practice of Falun Gong using my real name. I have not been arrested for that, nor have I written any guarantee statement. Writing a solemn declaration is not a matter of formality. It shows my firm determination and also my confession to Teacher. I ask Teacher to once again accept me as a disciple. I have given my stance to the gods.
5. Keep constant righteous thoughts, disintegrate all obstacles
I think the most difficult obstacle for me to overcome is to go out and distribute truth materials. Before venturing out to hand out materials, I always send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil. Master's protection has kept me from encountering any problems. I read an article by a practitioner once that stated that he always sends forth strong righteous thoughts before he goes out to hand materials to people. The practitioner said that these righteous thoughts can block people's sight and make him invisible if needed. I wondered then if I could do that, too. I had doubts, thinking, do I have such powerful righteous thoughts? But I got soon rid of this doubt. Master said,
"Have righteous thoughts and righteous actions, dissolve all hindrances, and spread the facts widely. Divine beings are among men." ("To the European Fa Conference in Stockholm")
So I also sent out the following righteous thoughts: "When I am distributing the truth materials, nobody is allowed to see me. Also, everybody should pick up the material that I put outside of their houses." As the result of this righteous thought, beginning at 11:00 p.m. I didn't run into anybody during a forty-minute time span and returned home safely. When I got home at midnight it was time to send forth righteous thoughts.
Another example: my aunt's parents-in-law used to have misunderstandings of Dafa. Although I had clarified the truth to my aunt, I didn't have a chance to talk to the older folks. Once I ran into her father-in-law at a bus station. I helped him to carry something home. His wife, my aunt's mother-in-law, asked me to stay for a while. I took this chance to clarify the truth to her in great detail.
Another time I went to a residential subdivision at night to distribute Falun Dafa materials. Two people I know live there. I had a thought that I must rescue them. Due to this thought I distributed all the material without any trouble. Later, when I visited my friends who live there again, I found that there were iron gates installed at the building entrance to stop any strangers from entering. I recalled that the iron gates had been there for many years, but I didn't have any trouble entering the building that night when I distributed the materials. I think it is because Master saw my noble intention of rescuing people and helped me enter the building without any trouble.
6. Starting to do well with every little thing in daily life; continuously correcting my own speech and behavior
Studying the Fa well is the basis for our cultivation. I found that I would feel tired when sending forth righteous thoughts and clarifying the truth if I didn't study the Fa well. Nevertheless, if I do well in Fa study I will do well with the other two things. I frequently calm down and look inward for my own shortcomings and attachments. It is very helpful for improving my xinxing. I realized that I should obey Master's words unconditionally. For example, I realized that it is wrong for me to postpone again and again correcting the words in Master's articles.
Another example: Practitioners are supposed to find all their books, banners, buttons and journals that contain the evil Communist specter and destroy them. But I always thought that I didn't have those things, so I didn't bother to look for them. My laziness and assumptions led to a bad situation for several months during the summer - I always felt tired and sleepy. I couldn't find the reason, but always felt stuffy in the room and didn't want to do the exercises. Later I suddenly became aware that I had several political textbooks, which I had bought to study for the graduate school exams. Those books were full of the evil Communist specter. I found them and threw them away. After, I felt energetic again when doing the exercises.
Moreover, recently I frequently felt tired while at work. Initially I thought that it was because I didn't get enough sleep. But later I realized that this was not the reason. Some practitioners don't feel tired even if they have only 2 or 3 hours of sleep; how come I am so sleepy, when I have at least five hours of sleep every day? This is a wrong way to be, and I should look for the reason. After thinking about it for a long time, I thought it might have something to do with the pile of newspapers I put in the corner of my office, which were all evil Communist newspapers. I had not thrown them away when I cleaned the room last time; now it must be them making trouble again. I sold them to a recycler right away. There is another aspect of this story: A long time ago there were a lot of cockroaches in my building, which could not be eliminated, no matter what bug killer people used. But when I was diligent in cultivation, all the bugs disappeared! I suddenly realized that after I put that pile of newspapers in the corner of the room the cockroaches came back.
I didn't have much hardship when I was little. Although my family is not rich, my parents always tried to satisfy me, so I had a very strong attachment to comfort. I think this is the main reason I didn't follow the trend of Fa-rectification. It is also the fundamental reason that my cultivation status is always unstable. So, I must get rid of the attachment to comfort as soon as possible. For a while I thought I was doing very well in cultivation, so I developed an attachment to showing off. When I was with practitioners I always kept talking about how well I was doing. This led to my feeling quite itchy when sending forth righteous thoughts and feeling like I needed to cough. I realized that it was because I talked too much and had a strong show-off mentality.
Each and every one of our thoughts as cultivators should be on the Fa. We should always correct our speech and behavior according to the Fa. Usually I am polite when talking to strangers, but I notice that sometimes I am inconsiderate when talking to my family and I often ignore their feelings. I should always consider how others feel before I speak or act. Sometimes I have bad or odd thoughts and I still have not completely gotten rid of my attachments to competition and envy.
7. Building up my own Dafa materials site and hurrying up to rescue sentient beings
To begin with I was unable to make materials on my own. I had to go to another city to secure some materials. Gradually I feel that I have matured and become more confident. Before, I did not even want to take a train by myself.
Since my parents didn't understand me I had to hide everything from them. My mother used to be a practitioner too, but abandoned cultivation out of fear of persecution. Now she is busy taking care of her grandchild every day. Although she listened to some of Master's new articles through an MP3 player she never "stepped out." However, she bought me a computer with the money she had saved for years, which made it convenient for me to browse the Internet and download truth materials. Since my income is very low I didn't have enough money to buy paper, ink and a printer. A practitioner in another city mailed me 2,000 yuan without even telling me beforehand. I felt like a poor person receiving money to buy coal for heat during a cold winter, for I could use the money to buy a printer. This greatly warmed my heart.
Last year, I acquired a long mailing list from work. I thought that I could mail truth materials to those people, but the stamps were too costly and the thousands of letters I prepared were piled up in a box because I did not have the money to send them. The practitioner who gave me the money to buy the printer gave me another 1,000 yuan. So I went to all the post offices in the town to mail those letters. Sometimes, to mail them out as soon as possible I went all over town, from east to west, from north to south, but didn't feel tired. (Note: To avoid suspicion, practitioners send truth-clarification letters from different mail boxes and post offices, since they cannot mail too many from the same post office without arousing attention).
One year later I had already learned how to operate the computer, install all kinds of software, make Dafa books and print the "Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party." I also printed different varieties of flyers and materials and burned truth VCDs. This was a huge improvement for me - from formerly depending on my parents for everything, to going to the market to buy supply materials on my own! When I am in a good cultivation state I can feel my body improving layer by layer.
As the trend of Fa-Rectification is moving forward quickly, besides clarifying the truth about Falun Gong, I need to promote the Nine Commentaries and convince people to quit the Party. Most of my relatives live in another town. I go to that town every weekend. Since I cannot meet everybody all at once, I go there often. I try my best to save money to clarify the truth. I told myself, "Can't I save money if I eat frugally and eat less? Saving one yuan means sending one more truth clarifying letter, which means one more person might get rescued." Since I had fallen to a non-practitioner's level and remained there for a long time, there were many truths that I did not know about at first, such as the truth of the Tiananmen Square self-immolation incident. This is why I needed to combine the truth of Dafa and the contents of the Nine Commentaries when talking to people. Since I don't have to hide anything when talking to my relatives, many of them can understand quickly. When talking to friends and/or coworkers, to avoid misunderstandings, I always talk from the standpoint of a third party, and the results are usually good.
So far, 2/3 of my relatives have already quit the CCP. Some of my friends, coworkers and neighbors also quit the CCP. A cousin, a Buddhist, became a Falun Gong practitioner after I clarified the truth to him.
A while ago I was attached to guessing who I and my friends were in previous lives. But now I realize that this is a very strong attachment and can easily cause demonic interference from my own mind. Last winter I had a dream in which I was a heavenly fairy lady and saw many heavenly words, which were similar to Chinese characters. In the dream I also saw a scene at the moment of reaching spiritual perfection: the evildoer Jiang became black smoke, and all the practitioners rose into the sky. I think the wonderful, splendid and magnificent moment is coming soon. Fellow practitioners, let's do better in saving sentient beings so as not to betray the ancient vows we made to our great Master.
Above is my personal understanding. Please kindly point out anything improper.
