(Clearwisdom.net) I always believed that I took money and personal interests lightly. Since childhood I have lived in a family-centered environment. In financially difficult times, our family gave assistance to neighbors, and so I developed a habit of helping others which continued throughout my life. I myself lived a simple life, but I did not hesitate to buy things for others. After I learned Falun Gong, I took money and self interest even more lightly.
After the persecution began, I went to Beijing to appeal and my workplace suspended me from my job. The family income was reduced by more than half as my child was preparing to go to college. I did not worry, and even spent half of our savings on making truth-clarification materials. In 2001, I fled home and became destitute in order to avoid being persecuted. Although I only had several hundred yuan, I also helped a fellow practitioner with living expenses. The monthly rent was around 200 yuan at that time, but I did not mind, and always felt that if I was not attached to money, the money would come. I never worried about the funding of the materials production site, even when I needed to make a purchase the next day, and had no money today. At that time, a big production site needed nearly ten thousand yuan for every purchase, but I was never anxious. Fellow practitioners always brought the money in time, and I believed that Dafa would harmonize everything perfectly, as Teacher was watching over us. I went along in this way, thinking that I took money and self interest lightly.
Later, due to the persecution, I lost contact with my family and fellow practitioners, and my life fell into hardship. I lost the calmness of the former days, thereby my attachments in this area were exposed. When I studied the Fa, sent forth righteous thoughts and edited truth-clarification materials, I was also thinking about how to solve my living problems. Circumstances during the persecution prevented me from job hunting and I felt that there was no way out.
Once, while editing a truth-clarification pamphlet, my heart was unsettled by these matters, and the pamphlet I edited had to be revised by other practitioners working for the Minghui/Clearwisdom website, which took lots of time. Fortunately, I had been memorizing the Fa recently, and finally restrained these attachments. Through studying the Fa and looking within myself, I tried to let go of these attachments, and believe in Teacher and Dafa, and I felt that everything would be overcome as a result. A fellow practitioner wrote to me after a few days, and asked about my situation. With the help of this fellow practitioner, my difficult problem was solved. It is true that when we think we are "at our wits' end," as long as we believe in Teacher and Dafa, "there will be bright flowers and another village ahead." (Zhuan Falun)
However, after the matter passed, I still felt something was not right. I felt my fundamental problem had not been solved. A fellow practitioner had helped me to solve the immediate difficulty, and I no longer felt distress about this issue, but I still felt a kind of discomfort that I could not express with words. I always felt that there was something more that I needed to eliminate, but it eluded me. What was I missing? As I let go of attachments and reviewed my past cultivation, finally I found it!
Looking at my previous situation, I was not attached to money and took it lightly. I could overcome the hardship back then because I complied with the standard of that level. I was able to help others at that time, and I did not lose much myself. I spent half of my savings on the materials production site, but I still had the other half to assure my living. That's why I did not feel my attachment in this respect. However, when it is time to improve xinxing and rise in level, the attachment is exposed. When my living was not assured could I still let go of it?
I found that I was able to abandon things in the past, with the understanding, "as long as I let go of this attachment, the problem will certainly be solved." This, however, contained the attachment of letting go of it in order to solve the problem or in order to gain. The ultimate aim still had the attachment to gain. I was now breaking through the attachments among the attachments. Completely not pursuing anything, just doing what one should do, that is the requirement of the Fa and that is the standard.
My main problem was that I felt I already took money and self interest lightly, therefore I did not make much effort in this area in my cultivation. Actually I did not truly abandon the attachment of seeking interest, so it was exposed in that certain circumstance. I worried about having assurance of basic living needs. Of course as a Fa-Rectification Dafa practitioner I did not acknowledge this persecution, but at the same time I must have a basic living environment. I can't be afraid of losing it or afraid of living with hardship. In fact I was afraid of having a rough time and suffering. Why couldn't I regard it as a good thing and an opportunity for cultivating myself? Why can't I cultivate according to the correct principle? I was actually full of worries and felt unsettled.
Although I studied Teacher's article, "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be," several times and memorized it twice, I still could not change my human notion, or even recognize it as a fundamental issue.
Teacher said in "Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005,"
"I just said that the principles of cultivators and those of ordinary people are opposite. Human beings believe that a life of comfort is a good thing, while Dafa disciples believe that having everything be easy is a bad thing when it comes to their improvement and that discomfort is conducive to improvement. (Applause) Have you managed to turn around your fundamental concepts?" "Why do Dafa disciples need to cultivate, pass tests, have strong righteous thoughts, and go through suffering? Only those things can be considered cultivation. In fact, cultivation is about coming here to suffer, not coming here to be protected in the human world. When one studies Dafa he will be protected, but cultivating Dafa also requires one to endure suffering."
As we go forth in cultivation aren't we letting go of human things? Aren't we walking out of humanness? Aren't we abandoning everything? On the path of cultivation, didn't we come through by continuously giving up all human attachments and even life and death? Why can't I be strict with myself, let go of ease and comfort, and clear-headedly correct it in the final period? We all know that the "pursuit of comfort" is most damaging. If one pursues comfort, then they will not be able to move forward. When one pursues comfort, he is walking back towards the human condition.
Teacher told us in "Fa-Rectification Period Dafa Disciples,"
"If you are still unclear about what a Fa-rectification disciple is, you won't be able to step forward in the current tribulation, and you will be led by the human world's pursuit of comfort to "enlighten" along an evil path. Master's heart has always been pained by those who have fallen, and the majority were ruined by that pursuit."
After I found my fundamental problem, my heart felt much lighter. I also realized this notion had caused me to have doubt about some issues, and to have worries and be swayed by considerations of gain and loss. I have been destitute for nearly five years. I have formally lost everything, but tried my best to save money and kept my living expense to a minimum. However, it is not nearly enough to only achieve these things, as I must abandon all my attachments and truly meet the standard of Dafa. I must fundamentally change my human concepts, and see that every thought of mine is on the Fa. I must eliminate attachments and give up human notions of pursuing ease, comfort, the good life, fame and interest etc. I should not be moved by any attachment. I will eliminate all notions that keep me from saving sentient beings and validating Dafa, and not be afraid of hardship. I will walk my own path well.
