(Clearwisdom.net) Each time I read Master's new article I have a different feeling. In the meantime I also realize my omissions. Master's new article, "Mature" says,
"Having read the papers from the mainland Chinese Dafa disciples' Internet experience sharing conference, I find that none of them are written now with human attachments; there is no sense that the papers were written to complete some task, nor, in either form or content, done using clichéd, bogus, vacuous Party-style rhetoric; absent is the attachment of reporting accomplishments with the mentality of 'If I don't tell people, how will they know'; and for the most part they are free of the Party culture's logic."
I was shocked, and thought of my other side. I want to share a realization concerning ordinary people's work and study.
Regarding writing, I was fond of using a disjointed style of writing and flowery language to intentionally describe those beautiful events that lingered in my mind. I was even under the impression that what I wrote was always pretty good. Some people complimented me, but other people said that my articles were undisciplined, without any core idea, and very hard to understand. They merely looked beautiful on the surface but lacked inner meaning. I rethought those comments. My style of writing may have been due to those popular novels I was entranced with at the time, and I learned my writing style from that. I learned to juggle words. In fact, this is a kind of writing habit that destroys traditional culture. Paying too much attention to outward appearance, and looking down on the traditional connotations of words - Doesn't that go along with the present, warped culture?
In high school, the stress of my coursework is quite heavy. I have many subjects to study for and a lot of homework to finish. I always did the homework just to finish it, but did not treat it as a means of checking my actual learning. Neither did I seriously work on it without hesitation. I did not even want to check and correct the incorrectly answered problems. That is why I always made the same mistakes, again and again. I excused my behavior with, "I don't have time for review" and thought it was "normal" to earn a bad exam score. Is this how a Dafa disciple should act?
In addition, others said I was a diligent student, but I clearly knew, although I did spend a lot of time on study, that the result was not good, the efficiency was low and my work was always not finished on time. I was puzzled for quite a long time. Losing and hesitating, I even wondered if Master still wanted me when I was such a disappointment. Recalling these things now, I realized that they happened because I did not consider things from the standpoint of the Fa to check myself, but treated these things as routine problems of ordinary people. I did not finish my homework conscientiously, so as time went on I definitely did not earn good scores, and as a result I became depressed. Initially I thought it was because I put too much emphasis on the scores and examinations. When I thought I had eliminated those attachments, I found that the problem persisted. Where was my "Truthfulness?" I was not denying the arrangement of the old forces. Was that a Dafa disciple's action? The Communist regime's tradition of merely completing an assignment in a perfunctory manner was a deeply rooted concept that constantly disturbed me. When I became aware of this, I suddenly realized that this long-held view was one of my fundamental attachments, which had confused me for several years.
I have kept studying the Fa and sending forth righteous thoughts for two years. The effect was sometimes good, sometimes not. I had so many attachments and was unable to attain tranquility. I did not really do well because I still had the mindset of merely completing a task. Master told us to deny the arrangements of the old forces completely. I did not do well in this regard.
A couple of days ago I read an article on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website. It mentioned the "partition" spoken of by Master. In the article, the author shared his own understanding that indeed led me to a great realization. In fact, the partitions are our own attachments. When those attachments are gone and all of us assimilate to the Fa, the partitions will cease to exist. I cannot slack off. When you fall down, you should not turn around to admire the hole, but keep on striving forward and never go through life with regrets.
My parents were opposed to my Dafa practice and for a time made things difficult for me. Because I had not profoundly studied the Fa, I cannot clarify the truth to them clearly. My mother even blamed my bad study habits and scores on me paying too much attention to and giving too much time to Dafa. She even said that I had changed, become heartless and did not care about how much she has invested in me. I was silent. All these problems were not accidental, were they? I even had some negative thoughts, but my knowing side knew that I did not actually mean those thoughts. The old forces utilized my attachments to give me the illusion that Dafa disciples must excel over others and cannot make any mistakes. But, in fact, on the surface Dafa disciples' experiences are similar to those of ordinary people. For everything to always go fine is impossible! It doesn't mean that only for Dafa disciples does everything go well. I must put strict requirements on myself, especially regarding xinxing. Not caring about my parents' attitude occurred because I had not yet abandoned self-centeredness, so I was not able to have the right attitude on this issue. A genuine Dafa disciple has compassion, and it is important for all to feel the power of such compassion.
I need to study the Fa more, send forth more righteous thoughts, and seize the opportunity to clarify the truth. "The last moment" is now. I can't slack off. Since I have realized some of my attachments, I must suit the action to my words, and I must eliminate those attachments and stay righteous.
I hope that those young disciples who have attachments similar to mine can clearly realize them. Do not go just through formalities in your daily life.
The above are my understandings. If there is anything unsuitable, please point it out.
January 20, 2006
