(Clearwisdom.net) I have made some mistakes in the past along my cultivation path. Since starting to practice Dafa again, I have had many understandings and miraculous experiences. However, there was interference whenever I wanted to write them down. Today, I hope our compassionate Teacher can help me strengthen my righteous thoughts so that I can finish writing this article.
On June 26, 2004, with Teacher's compassionate care and help from fellow practitioners, I once again started to practice. The first thing I met with was enormous interference to my Fa-study—I liked to read Teacher’s new articles but not Zhuan Falun. Whenever I picked up Zhuan Falun, there was interference—either numerous chores or drowsiness. I was very pained by this. Looking at the Falun emblem on the cover of Zhuan Falun and the picture of Teacher, I was in tears: "Teacher, can I still practice? Am I someone arranged by the old forces to damage the Fa? Why was I so stupid to enlighten along an evil path and do many bad things? Why is it so difficult for me to cultivate?"
I know reading Zhuan Falun is a fundamental part of cultivation, and fundamental for a Dafa disciple. I knelt down on the floor, holding Zhuan Falun in my hands, and called aloud to the sky, "Listen, all beings that are interfering with my reading Zhuan Falun. I am a genuine cultivator following Master Li Hongzhi. No matter what agreements we had in the past, I am a disciple of Master Li Hongzhi as long as I am studying Dafa. I only follow Teacher and will not acknowledge any arrangements by the old forces. I will completely eliminate anything—no matter at what level—that interferes with my reading Zhuan Falun." In this way, I studied the Fa for a while and sent forth righteous thoughts for a while.
I also had some very bad thought karma that interfered with me. Whenever I started to read Zhuan Falun, that thought karma would say that I had already read Zhuan Falun many times, and it was not worth reading anymore. When I was reading Lecture Two, it said, "Why read this part? You do not pursue the Third Eye." Very often I could tell what was thought karma, but sometimes I was misled when my main consciousness was not strong. Once during Fa-study, the interference was very severe. Although I was reading the Fa, the words from my mouth were not from the book. In addition, the Party’s evil song kept repeating in my mind. The words that came out of my mouth as I read were from the Party’s former evil leader. I could not suppress it, since it insisted on finishing the song and even laughed afterwards. I eliminated it layer by layer. I said to Teacher, "Master, I have too much karma and very poor enlightenment quality. But I do know that, without Fa-study, a Dafa disciple is nothing. Everything of mine is from the Fa, and I WILL study the Fa today." In order not to disturb others’ sleep, I went into the hallway and read the Fa out loud. I studied the Fa like this till after one o’clock in the morning. At the beginning, my legs hurt and then felt numb. Later, I could not feel them at all, but I felt dissolved in the Fa.
When my mind to study the Fa was clear and determined, Teacher stopped the evil’s harassment and interference with my Fa-study. In no time, there was strong wind, together with lightning and loud thunder all over the building. It was so impressive that I was in tears. I immediately raised my hand to eliminate the evil.
Recently many practitioners have started to recite the Fa. I was anxious to recite but could not memorize it. Also, because of that, I did not have enough time to read through the Fa. I was so worried, I even read Zhuan Falun in my dreams.
Because of the many mistakes I had made, I no longer just followed other practitioners. I rationally examined my situation. I work as a babysitter for one family and am very busy in the morning. After lunch, I have nothing to do so I spend it on Fa-study and sending forth righteous thoughts. When shopping for groceries I clarify the truth and ask people to quit the CCP and its related organizations. In the evening I prepare truth-clarification materials. On the way to and from work, I always carry some truth-clarification materials. I also provide materials for other practitioners. Being busy and well-organized each day, I thought I should not be so attached to reciting the Fa. Every day I read one to three lectures of Zhuan Falun and recite one or two poems in Hong Yin. In addition, I also read the new articles from Teacher, and recite two or three paragraphs of Essentials for Further Advancement. Many of the attachments, which existed for a long time, have now been eliminated by studying and reciting the Fa.
One day I had conflicts with fellow practitioners. I felt very bad and kept thinking others were wrong. Then I remembered Teacher said, "The Fa can break all attachments" (Essentials for Further Advancement II). I opened a Dafa book, turned to a page, and realized the paragraph dealt exactly with the attachment I had. I came to understand everything and was in tears. I said to Teacher, "I am wrong again. I was misled by the demons and disturbed by things in every day society. From now on, I will pay more attention to Fa-study."
Through Fa-study, I came to understand that in addition to studying the Fa, we also need to respect the Fa. For example, we need to wash our hands before Fa-study, put a cover (using white paper) on a Dafa book, and not lay the book down in an inappropriate place, such as under a pillow. We should also hold the book in both hands (it is a little tiring at the beginning). The more respect I had for the Fa, the more manifestations I could see from the Fa. Not eating anything during Fa-study, rather sitting up with my back straight and legs crossed was best. I once read two lectures of Zhuan Falun straight through and felt dissolved in the Fa entirely. That feeling was beyond description. When it was time to send forth righteous thoughts at 6 o’clock, my mind calmed down immediately. The energy field was very strong: there was energy emitting from my back, legs, and body. When doing the Great Lotus Flower hand position, the energy was so strong that my face felt heated. My mind was calm for a long time.
Keeping up Fa-study is part of cultivation. It requires righteous thoughts and also the ability to suffer. This is my biggest realization in the past year of Fa-study. The need to overcome sleepiness is one of the common challenges. After getting home from work at 7 p.m. and finishing household chores, I often began to feel sleepy when I sat down to study the Fa. When I was too sleepy, I sometimes sat for a while with my eyes closed. When I was unable to resist the sleepiness, I sometimes called my name and ask myself if I wanted to continue cultivation. In "Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference" Teacher said, "And at even higher levels, concepts like eliminating karma, enduring hardships, and cultivation no longer exist, and it's just a choice!" When sleepiness, thought karma, lust or other numerous thoughts were interfering me, I often told them, "You are not part of me. I am cultivating towards godhood and do not want things like you." Especially during Fa-study, I would say, "Teacher, I will make the choice of being clear-headed instead of sleepy. I will continue Fa-study."
