(Clearwisdom.net)
Greetings, Esteemed Teacher! Greetings, Fellow Practitioners!
I cherish the opportunity to participate in this on-line experience sharing conference.
"Never before has Fa-rectification been done. No matter how perilous the situation gets, the Fa-rectification remains an unprecedented opportunity for all sentient beings." ("Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Vancouver, Canada, in 2003.")
To be a Fa-rectification disciple is such a rare opportunity. Therefore, I count myself so fortunate because Teacher has chosen me and is guiding me on my cultivation path. However, I have missed so many opportunities as I did not do well. It is just as Teacher said:
"This is about not cherishing enough your predestined opportunity to cultivate, about not cherishing the Fa enough, and not cherishing your own life enough." ("Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005.")
I did not study the Fa well and was not a diligent disciple. When the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began to slander Falun Gong and then initiated its persecution on July 20, 1999, I took to heart the lies broadcast on television. I began to have doubts about cultivation and then just stopped practicing.
I want to share with everyone my return journey to Falun Dafa under Teacher's protection and guidance. I wish to share with fellow practitioners my experience of Teacher's benevolence and Dafa's sacredness.
Returning to the Cultivation Path
When I first listened to the CCP's lies, I did not want to stop cultivating. I wanted to know more about Falun Gong. I did not understand at the time that I should find answers in the Fa, nor could I find any practitioners I could talk with. Once, I went out with a coworker. Someone had put Dafa truth-clarification material in his bicycle basket. Being deeply poisoned by the CCP, he threw it on the ground angrily. I was surprised at his reaction, but I did not have enough courage to pick it up in front of him. Therefore, I went back and picked it up after we went our separate ways. This flier described the tortures Dafa practitioners experienced. It also showed pictures of the torture methods. I was deeply shocked to see that Dafa practitioners were tortured so severely.
After I returned home, I looked for, found and visited the Clearwisdom website for the first time. I saw Teacher's picture. He was sitting "quietly watching the world from amidst the mountains." For the next several days, I read carefully the information on this website, including the brutal torture practitioners suffered, the brave actions of practitioners' using righteous thoughts to reject the persecution and articles about practitioners who were diligent and doing well the three things. Next, I went to see a practitioner whom I had known before. She gave me Teacher's Essentials for Further Advancement II and Touring North America to Teach the Fa. Teacher's articles made me realize that I was in the wrong in having stopped practicing Falun Gong. I should believe in Teacher and Dafa, come back to cultivation and step forward to clarify to people the truth about Dafa. So I published a solemn statement of restarting cultivation right away.
At that time, I often thought that I was a grain of sand, ready to be eliminated. But, Teacher benevolently picked up every grain of sand that had fallen down, washed it clean and made it into gold. A few days later, I had a dream. In my dream, someone showed me a picture. Before I was able to see clearly the picture, a rotating Falun flew out of the picture and kept changing colors. This was the first time that I dreamed of Falun. Also several colorful characters showed up in the sky: "Cultivate Falun Dafa." These characters were sparkling and also kept changing to breathtaking colors. After that, I came back to cultivation.
Setting up a Material Production Site
After returning to my cultivation path, I realized that the CCP had broadcast enormous lies to the whole world on and after July 20, 1999 and poisoned countless sentient beings minds. It was very critical for us to clarify the truth to people. At the time, I could only get a few truth-clarification materials from a practitioner. I wanted her to give 1,000 yuan to another practitioner for making truth clarification. She had just come back to cultivate again and thus refused to help me. I was discouraged, as I didn't know how to obtain the materials. But, then I thought since you did not want to take my money, I would produce such material myself. That was the beginning of my own truth clarification production site. I realized from studying the Fa that this was what I was supposed to do. I tried my best to do it well, without any second thought about pressure and difficulties. Now when I think about it, I am certain that this was an opportunity that Teacher gave to me to shoulder a great historical mission and to make up for past mistakes.
At first, I did not know what to do. The materials available to me were mainly fliers and small booklets, so I decided to print fliers. I did not know at the time that I could download the truth clarification materials from Dafa websites. I scanned the materials and then printed them. I bought a black and white printer, and one cartridge could print about 200 pages. One evening, after I printed about 200 pages, the computer showed that the cartridge was empty. I felt very discouraged again, "Why did the cartridge become empty so fast?" I had seen some articles on the Internet that suggested that refilling a cartridge was a complicated task, so I decided to wait until the next day. I kept worrying about the task the next morning. When I turned on the computer and printer, amazingly it showed that the cartridge was full! I was so surprised and could not believe my eyes. This was such a miracle and I thought that if I could print another 200 pages, it must be Teacher who filled the cartridge for me. Indeed I was able to print out all those pages. My heart was filled with great joy and gratitude. Teacher encouraged me benevolently.
Later, I got hold of the truth clarification CD about the staged "Tiananmen Self-Immolation." Though I did not believe it was a true practitioner's action, I had not realized that this was a farce made up by the CCP to slander Falun Dafa. After watching the slow motion analysis of the CCP's television program, I was deeply shocked. My heart skipped several beats. The CCP's lies were too vicious and it misleads so many sentient beings! Therefore, I decided to produce truth-clarification CDs to help sentient beings understand the truth quickly and get rid of the CCP poison in their minds.
At first, I had no clue as to how to go about it. I did not know what type of CD I needed, so I bought the expensive ones. I did not know that one could by CD burning software for the computer, so I bought a CD burner and used its software. I did not know how to burn a VCD, and just copied the data file to the CD. When practitioners told me that my VCD could not be displayed on the VCD player, I thought it was interference by the evil. So I kept sending forth righteous thoughts when I copied the files to the CD. However, it did not resolve the problem. I was not able to do anything else when copying the CD. I wished strongly to talk to some practitioners who were experts in such matters. But, in 2002, material production sites in China were mainly large centralized centers. Police discovered many production centers and practitioners were arrested and they destroyed the centers. Therefore, practitioners working at the material production sites had minimal interaction with others. I asked another practitioner to help me contact a practitioner from the material production center to show me the ropes, but my request was turned down. I was not angry or discouraged. I understood their reasoning quite well. Yet, again, because I held this strong wish to succeed, Teacher helped me. Just like Teacher said, "'Cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the master' - if you just have that wish you're all set." (Zhuan Falun). I was able to find many articles discussing technical issues on the Clearwisdom website and I learned how to burn a VCD.
In 2004, Clearwisdom published the video "Weathering the Storm," and I was very delighted to see it. This was a very powerful tool to clarify the truth. At that time, I had only a dial-up Internet connection, and could only download files up to 700 megabytes. This was an enormous task. However, I did not worry about it. I only held one thought in my mind -- to download files and make VCDs to save sentient beings.
I did not understand very well the need for Internet security, but read many articles on Clearwisdom about material production sites being destroyed. Therefore, I downloaded only two or three sections daily. Each movie was divided into sections, with 8 megabytes in each section. For faster downloads, I often downloaded the files after midnight. It took about a month for me to download all files and to make the VCD. I also printed beautiful covers. The VCD was very effective in clarifying the truth to people. Many people were shocked after watching it. Some people understood that what the CCP had broadcast were all lies and fabrications. Others began to re-think their understanding of Falun Gong and some even became sympathetic towards Falun Gong.
As the Fa-rectification kept progressing, Dajiyuan [The Chinese language Epoch Times] published The Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party (Nine Commentaries). I realized that Dafa practitioners should spread the Nine Commentaries widely. Therefore, I made Nine Commentaries CDs. At first, I downloaded the version that divided the Nine Commentaries into three sections. The file was not in a good format. I told myself that if I could put it into a nice format, it would attract more attention. Everything was progressing satisfactorily under Teacher's arrangement. I had never thought that I could produce such a good piece of work.
I found on the qxbbs.org website a booklet in 2-in-1 format with A4 letter edited by some practitioners. It was suitable for small books with pictures. After I learned how to make it, I realized that I needed other equipment. But I hesitated first, worrying that I might not succeed in my efforts. Finally I decide to make one first. I prepared the document. One photo inside the Nine Commentaries was a picture of the evil CCP's leaders. It always generated errors when I printed it. I realized that this was the evil spirits' interference. They were afraid of the Nine Commentaries, so they interfered with my printing. Therefore, I must do it well. I spent more time on it and finally succeeded. Then, I carefully cut the papers and created the cover. In the end, a nice Nine Commentaries booklet was created. I made ten copies for practitioners. They all felt that it was very good and suggested that I share my techniques with others practitioners. When ordinary people received them, they also enjoyed them.
I felt that Teacher was assisting me from the very beginning and that I did not waste any time or effort at any given time. Everything came out perfectly. Later, practitioners asked me to make a 4-in-1 booklet that was more convenient to carry. At first, it took nine cuttings to make 2 booklets. As the cutting was a very time consuming process in the manual production, and shortening the number of cuttings was a critical step to improve the production efficiency. Teacher gave us the wisdom and now we only need to cut three times to make four booklets.
It was under Teacher's benevolent protection that the material production site was successful and is still going strong. It has survived up to today. I had almost no difficulties in setting up the material production site, because I held pure righteous thoughts. Therefore, the material production site has operated up to this day without any interruption. During the process of producing materials, there were many small miracles, such as all of sudden being able to do things that I did not know how to do before. I kept thinking about Teacher's words: "He just needs to think and you'll know how to paint." ("Teaching the Fa at the Discussion on Creating Fine Art".) In looking back, I now realize that when faced with challenges, Teacher helps his disciples to save sentient beings! Every step that I walked correctly was a manifestation of our great Teacher's benevolent salvation.
Searching Within
From the day we entered the door of cultivation, Teacher taught us to study the Fa diligently, look within and cultivate our xinxing. I felt anguished that I had rarely looked within, even though I had cultivated for many years. That was because I did not study the Fa diligently. Without the firm foundation of self cultivation, I fell down after the CCP began to persecute Falun Gong. Now, during the cultivation in the Fa-rectification period, I needed to make up what I had missed before.
Because many truth-clarification material production sites in China had been destroyed, Clearwisdom suggested that material production sites should be smaller and operate independently. Under Teacher's guidance, I had learned the technical skills I needed to run my own site over the past several years. So, Teacher arranged that I meet more practitioners and help them set up material production sites. Then, I was faced with an incident that required me to look within.
Because of financial considerations, practitioners generally bought used computers. Once, a practitioner and I were asked to buy a computer for another practitioner. We went to the store and saw a desktop computer that we liked. However, the store's staff was not able to get this computer to run properly, even after the stored was closed. On our way back, that practitioner said, "We should think it over. Maybe we should not buy this computer." But I thought that this might be interference. That practitioner was leaving the next day, so he asked me to discuss the matter with the practitioner who wanted us to buy the computer. I called her and explained, but she also could not come to a decision. I became annoyed, and went ahead and bought that computer. To show my support to the new material production site and to encourage that practitioner, I paid the 1,300 yuan. I took the computer home to set it up, but I really had no room, as my home is rather small. Therefore, I put it on our dining table. My husband complained. A week later, when I was about to set up the system, that practitioner called me and said that she did not want this computer and that I could do with it whatever I wanted to. I was very angry. Though I did not say anything on the phone, my heart was pumping hard. I kept thinking that she should not take for granted other people's efforts. Then, I had no other place for the computer, so I told my husband about it. He got angry and said, "Is this how you cultivators put others first?" I felt that practitioner's actions had tarnished Dafa practitioners' image. During those few days, I occasionally told myself that I should not be angry, but my righteous thoughts were very weak. I felt that I did not do anything wrong. I unconditionally cooperated with her and went to the store several times to buy the computer for her, even though I was financially stretched. How could she just say that she did not want it and let my efforts and money go to waste?
At that time, the practitioner who had gone with me to the store contacted me. After hearing my complaint, he said, "Hasn't your heart been pained for a long while?" I understood immediately. Wasn't this an opportunity for me to raise my level? Why was I so attached to self interest and money? Why did I keep thinking about how much I had done for others? Wasn't every practitioner doing the same thing? Did I always want my actions to be acknowledged by other practitioners? What that practitioner did was not for her but for saving sentient beings. I recognized finally my attachment to selfishness. Teacher said:
"your nature in the past was actually based on egotism and selfishness. From now on, whatever you do, you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism." (Essentials of Further Advancement, "Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature.")
I should take this opportunity to improve myself, give up the attachment of caring about my own interest and gains, go beyond the old universe's law and think and act following the new universe's standards. I calmed down. From then on, when I dealt with used computer sellers, I was generous and considerate. In this profit-seeking world, my action impressed them deeply and laid good foundations for me to clarify the truth to them.
Another incident happened in October 2005. Because of its superior performance, the Canon IP4000 printer was recommended many times in Clearwisdom articles. This printer was in high demand. I wanted to get one because my Epson 830u printer was too slow. Another practitioner asked me to get one for her, too, so I went to the computer store. Unfortunately, I was told that this model was no longer in production. I told the practitioner what I heard and she said that she had heard the same thing. She also told me that she knew a practitioner who had bought several printers of that model already and would go and get one from him. I then thought, "Since you knew this already, why did you not tell me? Why did you have me go to the store, wasting my time and energy?" But I knew that I had to control myself, so I did not complain. Instead, I asked her to get one for me too. A few days later, she told me that she got the last one. I could not hold back my anger anymore. I was irritated, just like an ordinary person. I said to myself, "I can't believe that I can't get one." I remembered a store telling me that they had one on display, so I called them. Alas, that one was sold too. I was quite annoyed. In such a big city, how come I can't buy what I want?
I asked around and went to the Internet to look for the distributor of this printer. One afternoon, staff from a store called me to say that their Chongqing branch in Sichuan Province had a display sample and we could have it shipped here. I immediately said that I would take it. Later that afternoon, the store staff called me to pick it up. I did not even bother to think whether it was possible for a shipment from Chongqing to come so fast. I immediately left for the store. On the way there, I kept thinking that I needed to hurry so that no one else could get the printer. My attachment was driving my actions. I thought, "No loss, no gain. I am willing to pay more for this printer. I am willing to endure more pain when sitting in the lotus position if I can get it." To me, sitting in the lotus position was a big challenge. I had this thought all the way until I arrived at the store. The owner told me that they actually had a returned printer, not the display sample from the Chongqing store. I immediately realized that Teacher had arranged this printer for me, but I forgot to believe in Teacher and Dafa, and instead I became so attached and kept using an ordinary person's approach.
The printer worked fine after I brought it home. The first two days, I was doing fine during the sitting exercise. However, beginning with the third day, I felt extreme pain in my right leg. I also could not fold my lower leg. I could not sit in the lotus position anymore. I said to myself, "Why did you make such a wish? Now you just have to bear it." But the situation was getting worse and worse during the following days. Even walking became difficult. I started to think that the old forces might have found a loophole. Therefore, I began to send forth righteous thoughts to negate the old forces' arrangement and forbidding them to take advantage of my loophole. I thought that if the old forces indeed increased my leg pain, I would completely reject it and move the karma of the pain back to where it was. Yes, the pain lessened a little bit. However, it kept recurring. It was better one day and worse the next day. I began to worry and asked Teacher, "When will my leg pain stop?" It was not until then that I realized that I needed to look within. Teacher said, "In true cultivation you have to cultivate your mind, you have to cultivate inward, to look inward - you can't look outward." (Zhuan Falun.)
On the surface, I was doing Dafa work and saving sentient beings. In reality, I was driven by my:
• Competitiveness - I wanted to compete with other practitioners to show that I could also do it.
• Doing things - once I decided to do something, I became irrational and would not follow the natural flow. Instead I fell back into ordinary people's mentalities of pursuing by any means available to me.
• Not completely rejecting the old forces' existence and persecution.
• Relying on others - I did not use righteous thoughts to resolve the issue but looked for help externally.
• Lacking firm belief in Teacher - I did not believe in Teacher's arrangement, but rather sought to bypass them.
• And lastly, I did not recognize the seriousness of cultivation.
After finding these attachments, I was more diligent in studying the Fa and sent forth righteous thoughts to reject the old forces' taking advantage of my gaps.
I recalled a story that Teacher told us. There was a practitioner who had fractured bones on both sides but recovered completely on one side because she had only righteous thoughts for one side, but not the other side. I firmly believed that I would overcome this hurdle. As Dafa kept changing me, my righteous thoughts became stronger and stronger, my ability to endure pain also improved a lot. I was finally able to overcome this challenge. From then on, I would never say anything about exchanging one thing for another or pursue anything with such intent. Cultivation was really a serious matter. I did not know how much my attachment had caused Teacher to suffer on my behalf.
Paying Attention to Fa Study
After I began to cultivate again, I carefully read Zhuan Falun. I was surprised to find so many things in the book that I had not realized before. If I would have understood them before the CCP's persecution started, I would not have listened to the CCP's lies and fallen down. I also found that Teacher had repeatedly told us to study the Fa more, to study the Fa more, and to study the Fa more. I finally began to understand the importance of Fa study. Also, no matter where I went, practitioners would remind me to "study the Fa more."
At first, I did not realize that Teacher was giving me hints through practitioners. I just thought that it was so good that everyone realized the importance of studying the Fa diligently. Gradually, as the workload on my material production site increased, my attachment of doing things increased manifold. I often worked until two or three a.m. Then I began to skip sending forth righteous thoughts at 6 a.m. I found so many excuses: I was busy at work. I was busy with producing truth-clarification materials. I was busy with buying materials. I was busy preparing machines and I was busy helping set up material production sites. Gradually I stopped doing the exercises, too. Later, I did not even have time to study the Fa, being busy doing things. My colleagues told me that I looked pale and I started to worry. How could I validate Dafa looking like this? However, I still did not realize my problem.
In May, I met a practitioner who was an expert in technical issues. We were sending forth righteous thoughts as a group, and I saw that he was almost asleep. Later he told me that he was so busy that he could not finish reading Zhuan Falun within a month. This was very dangerous. Two months later, the police arrested that practitioner and two other technical expert practitioners at material production sites. I remembered his words when I heard the news. He was responsible for technical issues of many material production sites, as well as editing and producing the original version of a lot of truth-clarification materials.
From this incident, I realized that this was because he did not study the Fa diligently. But, we other practitioners also had caused his inability to study diligently. For example, there were many issues that could be resolved without requesting him to travel a long distance and come in person, and many issues could be resolved with practitioners holding strong righteous thoughts. Then, some issues could be resolved over the phone. Also, other practitioners who were technical experts could share his workload. When too many practitioners relied on him, we were giving the old forces an opportunity to take him away so that we had nobody to rely on. Our efforts for saving sentient beings were greatly impaired. This was an issue where practitioners in our region did not cooperate well.
I recalled another dream: I was at a very dangerous junction. I was either trapped in mud, crossing highways where many cars were flying by, or I was sinking into a pile of sand. I shouted "Teacher, please save me!" and woke up. At that time I spent little time studying the Fa, so I was living dangerously too. I did not know how much benevolent Teacher had done to resolve all the dangers for me. Nowadays, I often think of that practitioner's words and remind myself that I need to study the Fa more diligently.
We can learn many lessons from articles on Clearwisdom about material production centers being destroyed in China. Teacher said, "The old forces don't dare to oppose our clarifying the truth or saving sentient beings." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston") Material production sites should be set up without any problems. Teacher is completely rejecting the old forces' evil arrangement. Even when Dafa disciples had some shortcoming, Teacher does not let the evil easily use it as an excuse to persecute them. I realize that Teacher has given us ample time to improve based on the Fa. So we need to study the Fa well, and truly and completely reject the old forces' arrangement, the old forces' persecution and the old forces' final struggle before its demise.
Of course, to study the Fa well is not just to avoid evil persecution. This is because as the universe undergoes Fa rectification, the lives of the old universe absolutely cannot enter the new universe--they do not belong there. However, Teacher uses his immense benevolence and gives sentient beings this rare opportunity. Teacher said, "What's called 'mercy' is my intending to let the beings of the old era be assimilated and become part of the beings of the new era. That's what I want to do." ("Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Vancouver, Canada, in 2003") Therefore, we need to unconditionally assimilate into Dafa, harmonize what Teacher wants and become the lives of the future universe. "Since the future is this Fa, and the beings of the future are created by this Fa." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference") Fa Rectification period Dafa disciples have enormous historical missions and carry the boundless hope of all sentient beings in the universe. To achieve the unparalleled glory that Teacher gives to future enlightened beings, we must study the Fa well.
If we do not study the Fa well, we will not have the right foundation to do Dafa work. In that case, we would be doing things for the sake of doing things. That's the attachments of doing things and showing off, and doing things as ordinary people. When I study the Fa well, look within, use Dafa to measure things and send forth righteous thoughts regularly, the equipment works well and it is easy and fast to produce truth clarification materials.
I tried to memorize Zhuan Falun in 2003 and 2004 twice, but I was unsuccessful due to my attachments. Now this time, I said to myself that I must recite the entire book. I found that once I recited the Fa, it was much easier to think of Teacher's words and remember that I was a cultivator when facing problems. Also, I felt that it is much more effective when I read Teacher's new articles well.
Also I want to mention an incident where I felt Teacher's immense benevolence when helping a practitioner who was not very diligent. She once did something bad to Teacher and Dafa, so she felt weighted down by a great burden. The old forces took advantage of her shortcomings and persecuted her even more severely. She lacked righteous thoughts and faced big hurdles in her cultivation. I really wanted to help her, but because I was impetuous and did not have enough benevolence, my help was not effective. Then, I decided to overcome my own attachments first. Afterwards, we studied the Fa together and exchanged experiences with each other. During our exchanges, I could feel strongly that Teacher was strengthening me benevolently. My words held strong righteous thoughts, were very clear on the Fa and were exactly focused on her issues. Also, I could easily remember the Fa that was appropriate for her and made simple and proper analogies. However, when I was alone, I was not able to get to that level. She finally said, "I will give up my silly and laughable thoughts to become a good Dafa practitioner!" Teacher had really helped her with his immense benevolence. "Handling human affairs of every sort, Burdened with all of heaven's troubles." ("Cold and Alone Up High") He cherishes us more than we cherish ourselves. I have no words to describe all that Teacher is giving us and can only express my gratitude with my actions.
We Must Advance Diligently
I know that I have made many mistakes and also fell while on my cultivation path. When I returned to cultivation, I improved myself slowly. Teacher said, "The closer to the end, the more diligent you should be." ("The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be") I have not reached Teacher's expectations yet. I know that I am still far away from being "true gold."
I had three wishes when I chose this topic. First I wanted to share how I cherish Teacher choosing us, as Teacher said, "I just want to save you." ("Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference") Secondly, I wanted to encourage myself to firmly believe in Teacher and Dafa, and to do well the "three things," so that I will walk well the final part of my cultivation path. Thirdly, I wanted to encourage those practitioners who had stopped cultivating just like I did before. "With shared purpose did you come to the earth," (Hong Yin - "Fulfilling the Vow"), so we should together "follow your master to return, consummated." (Hong Yin - "Destined Return for the Holy Fruition") Then we can be worthy of benevolent Teacher's enormous effort of saving us, as well as the sentient beings' long wait.
Please let me know if you see any further loopholes that I have not discovered yet.
