(Clearwisdom.net) I am a young female Falun Dafa practitioner. I started practicing Dafa in 1998. Recalling my eight years of cultivation, I thought a lot during this period. Each xinxing upgrade would not have been possible without Teacher's benevolent blessings, and every step of improvement could not have been done without fellow practitioners' unselfish assistance.
What follows are the two tests I recently passed and that I want to share with fellow practitioners. If there is anything improper, please kindly correct me. I also hope that fellow practitioners who have encountered similar tests without success will learn from my experiences and firmly grasp the time to find their fundamental attachments and elevate.
1. Digging Out the Roots of My Own Fundamental Attachment to Setting Arbitrary Standards for Seeking a Marriage Partner
After I graduated from college, I had already formed many bad habits, such as thinking very highly of myself. And because of my strong jealousy, though I seemed to be tolerant of others on the surface, deep down I had the habit of nitpicking. These hateful human notions controlled me. Although I felt I should find an everyday person to marry, whenever someone introduced someone to me or to my family, I always found certain things about them unsatisfactory. Every time this topic came up, my family members just couldn't agree with each other and it was like we were in a cold war. This situation lasted for several years.
One day the same thing was happening again. On my way home after work, I anticipated what the atmosphere at home would be like and I really didn't want to face it. I felt very anxious and I wasn't aware that it was a test. Before I left the office, I told a fellow practitioner, "Whenever this situation arises, I burn with anger. This situation has continued for several years now." The fellow practitioner told me, "It must be your attachment of sentimentality. That is why Teacher has given this test to you over and over again. When you find your attachment, the test will be over, and your prince will emerge." I was shocked to realize they were tests arranged by Teacher! Because I didn't study the Fa diligently, I had categorized it as an ordinary conflict. The other practitioner told me, "When you send forth righteous thoughts, include the thought that, other than arrangements made by Teacher, you will not allow any element to interfere with you. When you get home, you need to be even-tempered and adhere to the Fa."
On my way home, I continued to look inward. Teacher gave me a hint as I looked inward. I was shocked to realize that I had been harboring a feeling of unfairness all along. As my train of thought went to the topic of "Jealousy" in Zhuan Falun, my mind opened up instantly. I realized that I had always felt I was pretty good in every respect, so I found it unfair when looking for a marriage companion. That was the reason I was indignant. Was it actually caused by jealousy that others were married? Without more reflection, the connection between 'unfair' and 'jealous' does not seem strong. Just then I arrived home and immediately felt as though nothing unusual had taken place.
I continued looking inward and found that I had a very strong attachment to jealousy. The following day I read an article from "Minghui Weekly" (September 21, 2006) entitled "What It Really Means to Get Rid of Jealousy." It began by saying that jealousy reflects a self-centered mentality and the selfish narrow-mindedness of an old cosmos' being. I then realized that I viewed problems with a jealous mentality. I didn't know I was so far from the Fa that I had been missing the opportunities for xinxing improvement that Teacher had arranged for me, and that I thus lagged behind the pace of the Fa-rectification.
2. Comfort Is the Basic Reason for Not Being DiligentFor a long time, I always went to bed at 10:00 p.m., and sometimes I went to bed before 9:55 p.m., which is the time for sending forth righteous thoughts in my city. Sometimes I went to bed at 11:00, but I didn't send forth righteous thoughts. Whether I dozed off or not, I still went to sleep. I felt something wasn't right. I didn't follow what Teacher wants us to do. This is not respectful of Teacher nor respectful of the Fa. I hadn't achieved the truthfulness aspect for being a cultivator. So I searched within to rid myself of this attachment to pursuing comfort. I read many, many articles on the topic, but I didn't change my habits. I didn't have strong enough righteous thoughts nor the determination to eliminate this attachment, so I remained stuck at the same level for a long time.
I then had a dream a couple of nights ago. Teacher was giving me a hint. I actually dreamed of playing in bed and saw my father and mother coming home. Father stood in front of me and looked very tired. His eyes were red and droopy as if he had been crying. I was shocked. It stirred up my soul. I sat up and said to my father in tears, "Father,
Have I done something wrong? Is it that I haven't studied the Fa diligently that alarms and saddens you?" Father didn't say anything. He just stood there looking exhausted. Mother then said, "It is because you didn't study the Fa diligently."
I was in pain and felt very sad when I woke up. I told a fellow practitioner about my dream and she told me, "I think your 'father' in your dream is actually Teacher." I couldn't help sobbing bitterly. I regretted that I didn't study the Fa diligently. Because I didn't study the Fa diligently Teacher was very worried about me. I sincerely wanted to mend my ways but still had some subtle doubts that I would not be able to do well. I was in great pain and wanted to get out of this situation of lacking righteous thoughts.
I then studied the Fa with a fellow practitioner after lunch. We first read "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be." I read it three times and felt this article would open my heart. The more I read it, the more I loved to read it. I could not get my fill no matter how many times I read it. My thoughts slowly became clearer. Certainly, the article was directed at me.
When I found my attachment, of which I wasn't aware, I felt relieved. I then realized that the date the article was published was October 8, 2005. A whole year had come and gone. Teacher issued this article to point out a common problem among practitioners, but I only realized it a year later after I stumbled. I felt very ashamed.
We spent the whole afternoon studying Teacher's new articles published since 2005. I felt that my righteous thoughts were getting stronger with no effort on my parat. I did the sitting meditation that night and studied the Fa until 11:55 p.m., and then sent forth righteous thoughts with Dafa practitioners around the world. I set the alarm clock for 4:20 a.m. and I completed all five sets of exercises before having breakfast this morning and felt very good. I have made up my mind that, from now on, I will cultivate diligently to the end and will not cause our great Teacher to worry about me.
I want to share something else. Dafa practitioners are a united entity. Teacher has provided us with such a precious opportunity to study the Fa together and to improve as a whole. We must follow the way Teacher teaches us and point out the shortcomings of fellow practitioners around us to assist each other in a timely manner. We must strive forward diligently and not fall so far behind in levels while accomplishing our historic mission.
