(Clearwisdom.net) Best wishes to respected Teacher! Best wishes to my fellow practitioners!
My name is Huang Suzhen. I have practiced Falun Dafa since January 15, 2003. Reminiscing over almost three years of practicing Falun Dafa my heart is filled with all kinds of feelings. The merciful saving and compassionate guidance of venerable Teacher are beyond the description of any human language. Therefore, I wrote this experience sharing. I wanted to express my most sincere respect to our Teacher.
Before practicing Falun Gong I was very timid, pessimistic, selfish and lazy. Though I came from a well-to-do family and everything including study, work and marriage all went very smoothly, I still felt unsatisfied and considered myself as a blessed but unhappy person. During the many years of pursuing happiness I became more and more selfish, and my health deteriorated. I suffered from insomnia, headaches, hemorrhoids and pain in the lower back. I knew in my heart that what I was doing was wrong and many times I cried out in my heart, "I do not want to be such a person." However I could not truly change myself.
In January 2003, I read an article about Falun Gong in a Changchun magazine. After reading the article I browsed the Internet for more information. Following this, I attended a nine-day lecture. After the first lecture I knew this was something I wanted to learn, because I wanted to change and purify myself. I began to learn Falun Gong in the hopes of curing my illnesses. However, when I learned that Dafa purifies the mind and soul, I knew that this was the greatest thing of all.
Letting Go of Notions and Interference
Approximately seven months after I learned Falun Dafa merciful Teacher hinted at the importance of going to Hong Kong to clarify the truth. Going to Hong Kong had never entered my mind before. My understanding was that up until then, Teacher had asked me to study the Fa solidly to pave the way for validating the Fa later on.
The first time I went to Hong Kong I mainly sent forth righteous thoughts. Practitioners in Hong Kong paid great attention to sending forth the righteous thoughts. One day when we were sending forth righteous thoughts at a scenic spot it began to rain. Fellow practitioners said it was the interference by the evil, so we began to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil behind the rain. The rain became heavier and we were all soaking wet. Our hearts were nonetheless unmoved and we continued to send forth righteous thoughts. Shortly afterward the rain stopped. I realized for the very first time that at times even rain could be interference rather than just a natural phenomenon. I also witnessed, for the first time, the power of righteous thoughts.
When I went to Hong Kong the second time, besides sending forth righteous thoughts, we held above our heads information boards about Falun Dafa, so Chinese tourists on a bus could see them. At that time I could not clarify the truth to Chinese tourists. One practitioner encouraged me to talk to them and I knew I must do it. However, I felt that my ability fell short of what I wanted to do. I used to stutter when I was young. Therefore, I was very much afraid to speak to other people. I realized that this was an arrangement by the old forces. I told myself that I should break through this impediment, as I must clarify the truth. Once I was determined, the situation changed very quickly. Within a very short time, I was able to talk to people. In the beginning I said only a few sentences, but gradually I could talk more. Teacher said,
"Cultivation depends on one's own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one's master." (Zhuan Falun)
I knew it was Teacher who gave me this ability.
Two trips to Hong Kong gave me enormous confidence. Before I practiced Falun Gong I dared not go on a long trip all by myself. I worried too much! Before I practiced Falun Gong I suffered from severe hemorrhoids. I set a time to use the toilet, because I thought that I should not leave the feces in my body for too long for it would become harder and harder, and I would then have difficulty excreting it. As a result it would make the hemorrhoids worse. When I decided to go to Hong Kong, the difficulties I experienced using the toilet naturally bothered me again and I felt uneasy. However, when I decided to go to Hong Kong for the second time, Teacher gave me greater wisdom. The line "The Fa gained, you now stand divine," (from "Hongyin," a collection of Teacher's poems) made me realize that my previous thoughts were a human notion, which had no effect on divine beings. Therefore, I let go of it and concentrated on what I must do.
When I learned that the evil gathered in Manhattan I thought I must go there to eliminate the evil. At that time there were two groups. One would stay for a month, while the other stayed for half a month. My first reaction was that I would go for half a month. Though I no longer worried about using the toilet I still worried about my hemorrhoids. When I talked to a practitioner about it afterwards she suddenly said, "This is what you have asked for." That's right! Teacher stated very clearly,
"We will push you beyond it, making your body reach a state free of any illness" (Zhuan Falun)
Teacher also said,
"As a practitioner, if you always think that it is an illness, you are actually asking for it. If you ask for an illness, it will come inside your body. " (Zhuan Falun)
After I realized my wrong notion I decided to go to Manhattan for one month. During this one month I ignored everything that worried me before. Since I knew it was not hemorrhoids, I kept my heart unmoved when I suffered from the pain and when it was bleeding. I just did whatever I should do. I thought I did not have time to care about it, and anyway it was the cleansing arranged by Teacher or interference arranged by the old forces. I concentrated on doing the three things Teacher asked of us. Later I realized that all the pain had disappeared.
After letting go of the aforementioned notion, I understood that my previous thoughts "Don't try to eat anything if you don't want to vomit," "You will be off color if you did not sleep well last night," "You should not exert yourself if you have a backache," "You must walk less if you have blisters on your feet," and "You should talk less if you have a sore throat" were all human notions.
Teacher said,
"In fact, other than a person's innate purity and innocence, all notions are acquired postnatally and are not a person's actual self." ("For Whom do You Exist?" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
If we hold on to these notions and worries, the evil will take advantage of the loopholes and interfere with us. It will make us feel uncomfortable, painful and worried. It will prevent us from doing well the three things that Teacher asked us to do.
Every time when I had a sore throat I looked at it as the evil force stopping me from clarifying the truth. It proved that I was doing very well. It was scared! Then, I thought that I should clarify the truth to more people and with a louder voice. As a result I felt more and more comfortable with my throat. One day I had a blister on my foot and it felt very painful when walking. At that time a group of Chinese tourists arrived, and I rushed back to the truth-clarification poster boards. All of a sudden I felt there was no longer any pain under my foot. After a while, when I checked the blister, I found it had dried out and was gone. During one anti-torture photo exhibition activity I felt very sleepy. At first I thought it was caused by lack of sleep the previous night. Then I thought this wasn't right. It must be the interference by the evil forces. This thought helped tremendously. I felt very energetic and full of vitality for the rest of the day. Genuine practitioners are illness free. The sore throat, backache, cough, blisters and allergy were only like mirages. They would be interference when they became very serious. When your xinxing has been upgraded and when you can keep your heart unmoved and only hold the thought of saving sentient beings in your heart, and not think about yourself, you can make it disappear.
Letting Go of Self
Teacher said,
"It's just like what I've said before: truths are different from level to level. From a higher level the truths at lower levels seem wrong, but truths are truths at their own respective levels." ("Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Vancouver, Canada, in 2003")
Such being the case, can we still hold on to our understanding? It is just as Master told us about Shakyamuni. Whenever he upgraded himself to a higher level, he looked back and realized that the Dharma he just taught was wrong. Holding on to our understandings will prevent us from rising to higher levels. Then how can we insist that our own understandings are absolutely correct when arguing with fellow practitioners?
Teacher said,
"When another God proposes an idea, they aren't eager to reject it, and they aren't eager to express their own ideas and they don't believe that their own ideas are good. Instead, they look at what the end result of the other God's proposed approach will be. The paths are different--everyone's path is different--and the truths that beings validate and enlighten to in the Fa are different, too, but the results might very well be the same. That's why they look at the results, and if the result of a God's idea can achieve the goal, if it can truly achieve it, then all of them will go along with it. That's how Gods think. Also, if there's something lacking in it they'll unconditionally and quietly supplement it to make things more complete and perfect." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.")
One day, when we were having an anti-torture show in Manhattan it began to rain. Several practitioners sat down to send forth the righteous thoughts. At that time I thought of what Teacher said,
"But you should always remember one thing: no matter who is interfering, it's all temporary, all illusions, not the main body, and it's all just like air flowing through." ("Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference")
Since it was interference by the evil, my understanding was that in eliminating the evil we must first keep ourselves calm and unmoved. I thought my understanding was correct so I continued handing out fliers and did quite well. At that time, one practitioner asked me to send forth righteous thoughts. I thought that what I had enlightened to was correct, so I wanted to continue to hand out fliers. Since the two of us each insisted on our own understanding, we were unable to keep calm because our hearts were not calm. As a result she could not do a good job in sending forth righteous thoughts and I also did poorly in handing out fliers. Afterwards I realized that I failed to put Dafa and saving sentient beings as the first priority. Since she insisted on her own understanding, which was not wrong, why couldn't I cooperate with her? By the way, I knew that some of the practitioners did not think rain was interference but thought it was a natural phenomenon. The reason some practitioners sent forth righteous thoughts was not because they thought it was the evil who wanted to interfere with Dafa, but that they felt uneasy because of the rain. Therefore, I should share with other practitioners, so that we can improve based on the Fa together as one body!
As a matter of fact it's hard for us to tell which way is better. The important issue is that we can let go of ourselves during the process, as well as put Dafa above everything else. Only when we are able to keep our hearts beating as one and let go of our "selves", affirm other peoples' understandings and form one body can we do a good job in validating the Fa. As a matter of fact, the Fa-rectification will definitely succeed, whether we exist or not, whether we have done well or not. No one amongst the practitioners is able to influence the result of the Fa-rectification. It is Teacher's mercy to ask us to attain the righteous enlightenment of selflessness and altruism in the process, so as to become new lives of the new universe. As a matter of fact, the importance of cultivation lies in the upgrading of the one body, and saving the greatest number of sentient beings, not in the results of individual practitioners.
Our Hearts Must Be Pure
During recent trips abroad for clarifying the truth I came across a problem. The number of fliers I handed out was down. I had been looking for the cause of the problem in my xinxing, and asked myself where I failed to do well. I found that whenever I had a thought of wanting to save a person, that person would not take the flier. Then why was that? I dug deep inside me and found that behind the thought of saving them there was an attachment of wanting them to take my fliers. That is to say that this thought came up in my mind when I was not doing well in handing out fliers, so it seemed that I had this thought purely because I wanted to do well in handing out fliers. Since my thought was not purely for the good of others but due to a pursuit, this showed that my heart was not that sincere and not that pure. Besides, I found that whenever I was not doing well in validating the Fa I would look for a xinxing problem. This meant I always put the upgrading of myself before anything else. I would feel bad if my xinxing had a problem instead of putting the sentient beings as my first priority, and felt grieved if they did not understand the truth.
I also found that my initial purpose in practicing Falun Gong was to transform and purify myself. Therefore, my fundamental attachment was "I want to be a good person." I felt very happy in clarifying the truth to save the sentient beings, because I think this is something a good person should do.
One day I felt something was not right. Why was Teacher so anxious when I was feeling very happy? There are so many lives to be saved, so how can I be so happy? This is because my starting point for doing things was not correct. On the surface it seemed I wanted to save the sentient beings, however, in essence I did things to prove the value of my existence. I only paid attention to the things I felt good doing and did not put myself in the other person's place and really think of them, find the obstacles within these people, and break these obstacles. Therefore, I would change validating Dafa to "validating myself." As a matter of fact, when my heart was not that pure, and held an attachment of selfishness, my work of saving the sentient beings would not reach that sacredness. Therefore, my mentality of accomplishing a task, self-satisfaction, showing-off, complacency and competitiveness would appear. It is not wrong to become a good person, however I was attached to becoming a good person but failed to set a higher standard for myself based on the principles of "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance." I still was not a good person. A good person will naturally come forth during actual cultivation practice.
Conclusion
Teacher said,
"You need to treasure it--you have to treasure the path you've walked. Only when you treasure the steps you've taken can you do well on the path ahead." ("Teaching the Fa on Easter, 2004, at the New York Fa Conference")
Teacher also said,
"There's only one path that is straight, and just one step off the path means going amiss." ("Teaching the Fa on Easter, 2004, at the New York Fa Conference")
As the level of cultivation rises, the Fa will have higher requirements of us. Therefore, the closer to the end, the more diligent we should be. If we cannot do things in line with Teacher's requirements, then we will be doing things based on the arrangements of the old forces. The evil is eyeing us secretly. Any attachment or impure thought could be magnified. Cultivation is a long-term test. What you achieved through cultivation yesterday cannot represent your cultivation today. It's the same when you are doing well in your cultivation today, but that cannot represent your cultivation tomorrow. It's better to cultivate in a solid, down-to-earth manner. Only then can you talk clearly and logically.
Thank you to our great Teacher and thank you fellow practitioners!