(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
Beginning Falun Dafa Practice
I am 37 years old and I began Falun Dafa practice over six years ago. On July 24, 1999, I found a copy of Zhuan Falun on a bookstore shelf. When I read "The First Talk,"
"I'll tell you a truth: the whole process of cultivation is a process of constantly getting rid of human attachments" (Zhuan Falun),
I was ecstatic. I thought, "This is it. I've found it." A warm current poured into my body from the top of my head; it went throughout my body. I continued to read the book and I was so happy! I decided that Dafa was what I was looking for; Dafa was what I wanted. I started to practice Falun Dafa this way.
I trip, I fall, and I pick myself up
Some time after May 2002, I didn't see through the interference of the old forces and didn't completely negate the old forces' arrangements. Slowly I became busier and busier with my job. This work mushroomed in my life and I didn't realize it in the least. Because I was so busy with my job, I didn't study the Fa on a constant basis. I studied the Fa less and sent forth less righteous thoughts. I was passive when clarifying the truth; stopped going to group Fa study sessions and missed opportunities to cleanse myself. I also didn't share my experiences with fellow practitioners. I even started speculating in stocks, using the excuse that I need practical experience for the oral test of my Ph.D. program. I didn't act like a cultivator. Although I regressed to the state of an ordinary person, Master didn't give up on me and continuously reminded me. People came to me to learn the truth of Falun Gong. Although I was able to clarify the truth, I was safeguarding Dafa as an ordinary person.
Finally one day I asked myself, "Am I a cultivator? Do I want to be an ordinary person or a cultivator?" Master had just published, "Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Washington, DC Fa Conference," when I read the words,
"But, there are a lot of students who've done a disservice to themselves, and who haven't fulfilled what they wanted to do and what history bestowed upon them."
My heart pounded and my mind cleared up as if I had just fought through a fog. What have I been doing the past year? I felt really ashamed and upset, but I was grateful that Master didn't give up on me because I had stumbled along an evil path. Master said,
"If human beings want to be valued by high-level beings, they have to practice cultivation and become high-level beings too!" ("Awakening;" Essentials for Further Advancement I)
I finally realized that I placed too much emphasis on my pursuit of personal gain. I always wanted to gain from Dafa, but I didn't ask myself if I cultivated well, if I had done well. I cultivated poorly and yet I still wanted to "gain;" what a filthy notion! I felt terribly ashamed and regretful. However, I remembered that Master also said,
"I don't like it when you blame yourselves, it's completely pointless. I'll just repeat what I said: If you've fallen don't just lie there, get up right away!" ("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S.A Western Fa Conference")
I removed my attachments and sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the interference: I absolutely do not acknowledge the old forces' arrangements. I will not let the old forces restrict me, because I will validate the Fa. With this single thought, my environment changed. My job is less demanding now; Master opened my wisdom, and I finished three days' work in one day. I thought, "What is time constraint? Opening your wisdom will allow you to break through the constraints imposed by time!"
Clarifying the truth and rescuing sentient beings
I began practicing Falun Dafa at the same time the persecution started. Some Taiwanese didn't know the truth, and they gave me strange looks when I told them that I practice Falun Gong. My cultivation prior to Dafa practice had disappointed me. My family and friends were worried about me when I started practicing Falun Gong, but I told them Falun Gong is different. Besides, I'm doubly cautious because I was deceived before. Falun Gong teaches people Truth, Compassion, Forbearance, and it's wonderful. I started to clarify the truth, little by little.
I was once looking for another practitioner to go out and clarify the truth with me. Then I remembered that Master said in "To All Students at the Nordic Fa Conference,"
"Don't wait, don't rely on others!"
I thought, "Why do I have to wait for other practitioners before I would clarify the truth? Why can't I go out on my own?" After work I took some flyers with me and went to a metro station to hand them out. At first, I had heavy notions. Before I would give a person a flyer, I would first wonder whether he would take it. One fashionably dressed young woman walked past me and I thought, "She is probably materialistic and doesn't care about the persecution of Falun Gong." When I told her that Falun Gong is being persecuted in Mainland China, however, she took the flyer and carefully read it. I saw kindness in her eyes, and I was surprised. I was wrong, because I was differentiating people based on acquired notions before clarifying the truth to people. Master let me see my human notions and helped me understand that I absolutely cannot allow my notions to block sentient beings from learning the truth. We simply tell people the truth; what thoughts emerge in their heads are their own choice.
I regard the past year during which I tripped and fell as motivation to be more diligent. I stepped forward and did well with the three things. I joined an Internet group and a telephone group to clarify the truth, and went to Hong Kong to clarify the truth. I also went to other countries to attend Fa conferences and join Fa-validating activities. I overcame the fear that surfaced while making phone calls. I initially condemned the evildoing people I phoned with an ordinary person's mentality; then my mindset changed to wanting to rescue these persons. By stopping their crimes, I would not only rescue them but also other sentient beings. Later, I deeply felt that I must speak with compassion and righteous thoughts. I was no longer afraid, no matter when I picked up the phone. Words rolled off my tongue as soon as I steadied my mind and tried to rescue the person!
I can still vividly recall one of my truth-clarifying experiences in Hong Kong. A group of Chinese tourists were waiting inside a bus. Some practitioners including myself held up truth clarification boards outside the bus; the Chinese people focused on reading the boards. A minibus was pulling into the parking lot, driving straight toward me. I was in their path. The driver and passenger gestured for me to step aside. I poked my head out from behind the display boards and saw a group of Chinese people on the bus reading the words on them earnestly. I could not yield because this was an important moment for them. Besides, there was no vehicle behind the minibus. I turned around and smiled at the driver and the passenger in the minibus. They smiled back and looked at the boards along with the Chinese tourists. After they finished reading the boards, I could see that the Chinese tourists were very grateful and nodded at us.
After the tour bus left, I again smiled at the driver and passenger in the minibus, and they smiled back while driving away. I was touched. The compassion of Dafa practitioners while clarifying the truth can really move people, even without words. Master again allowed me to see the greatness of Dafa.
Taking up coordination work and discarding selfishness
After I worked with the telephone team for a while, several practitioners from the Internet group came to me and said that one Internet truth clarification project requires the strength of many practitioners to yield greater power. I realized the importance of this project. As the thought of wanting to do this project emerged, I saw a Falun turning. I realized that we have to combine the strength of all practitioners, so we can work together and wield greater power in clarifying the truth, validating Dafa and rescue more sentient beings.
When I first started with this project, other practitioners waited for me to take the next step. I cut back on my Fa study time and sometimes didn't study the Fa for a whole day. As a result, my xinxing declined and conflicts grew large. I didn't make any more progress because I devoted all of my time to this project; I was stuck in a difficult situation and I didn't know how to proceed. I finally realized something was awry, so I immediately studied the Fa in a steady manner. The solution was very simple. This experience taught me that I absolutely could not give up Fa study simply because of Dafa work, because that is the difference between ordinary people doing Dafa work and Dafa practitioners doing Dafa work. I must guarantee the quality and time for daily Fa study.
Several times when fellow practitioners made requests I stayed up all night and got the work done. The other practitioners said, "We can't use this! Why didn't you think it through first?" I got angry and thought, "Didn't you ask me to do this? Now you are blaming me!" As I studied the Fa and looked inward, however, I improved my understanding, "If it doesn't live up to the standard of Dafa and cannot be used to validate Dafa and rescue sentient beings, then we shouldn't use it at all. How can I use the time I spent on it as an excuse to use it? Aren't I being attached to selfishness? This is an issue of xinxing and not about how much time and energy I spent on it!"
After I volunteered as the coordinator, I was somewhat defensive when other practitioners had different opinions. I later realized that this is also a type of selfishness. Actually, it's great when other practitioners want to share their thinking, because my understanding is not always correct or thorough. At first, I often acknowledged practitioners who had similar styles, rhythms and thoughts like me. Later, I realized that this was acknowledging my notions, for instance, selfishness. I must get rid of these mentalities. Different practitioners have different characteristics. Only by thinking from different perspectives can I become more tolerant and do a better job.
Striving to discard the attachment to romantic love
During this period I fell in love with another practitioner, but she rejected me. I was in anguish. It was horrible when this attachment surfaced; it's a heartache similar to ordinary people's breakup. It jumped out quite frequently, and it caused pain each time. Several times I was awakened by heartache from my dreams, but I told myself, "I am a cultivator. I will practice cultivation!" I gritted my teeth and told myself I must eliminate the emotion and strongly repel it!
Although I tried very hard, it kept coming up; it was common that after I pushed it out and could not find it when looking within, it would pop up again after a few days. It was a mixture of loneliness and rejection. I felt terrible but I knew that I hadn't completely removed it. I must be more diligent, study the Fa well and strongly deny it. I want to practice cultivation, I do! I simply have to get rid of this attachment!
Once when I took the metro home it was noisy inside, and the emotion surged up again, causing my heart to pain. I gritted my teeth as I did before and tried my best to repel it. As I kept repelling it, and I suddenly entered a state of peace. I felt harmonious, solemn and wonderful. People around me were still talking. Within this peace I saw emotions and I saw the selfishness within. I suddenly remembered,
"But if you do break out of emotion, nobody can affect you, and ordinary attachments won't be able to sway you. What replaces it is compassion, which is more noble" ("Improving Character," The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun).
I don't dare say that I felt compassion at that time, but Master clearly showed me a realm that cannot be swayed by emotions. He was prompting me! He was also reminding me, because I'm sure I didn't give it up completely and didn't let go of all of it!
I not only have to discard qing toward the female practitioner, I have to discard qing toward whoever would be my girlfriend. I have to improve myself on a fundamental level. As I looked inward, I found more and more human notions and I removed attachments bit by bit. I eventually found a fundamental attachment of placing too much emphasis on wanting to find a good partner and forming a nice family, a pursuit of ordinary people. I removed it.
Thank you.
