(Clearwisdom.net) Looking back at my path of cultivation, I stumbled time and time again. I did so because I only understood the Fa through my own notions.
I went to Beijing to appeal for justice for Falun Gong in 2000. After returning, I was detained at my workplace. The 610 Office agents screamed at me, "You don't even admit what you have done. How can Falun Dafa be truthful?" Suddenly, I was blinded by the evil.
Before then, my celestial eye was open, and I saw many scenes in other dimensions. When I was doing the exercises, I could smell fragrances emitting from my palms. When the persecution started, I said to others, "How can Dafa be false when I saw the Falun? How could anyone make that up? Just that one vision proves that Falun Gong is supernormal."
Thinking back on my trip to Beijing, I was not being "truthful" at all. I was fooled by the 610 Office. My actions were based on loyalty from a human perspective, not validating the Fa. Also, my understanding of Falun Gong was based on human notions. One cannot go through Fa-rectification merely by using human notions to understand the Fa. For example, when I clearly saw a Falun, I became a firm believer. When all the memories were wiped away, did I still cultivate? If I had rationally understood the Fa, such interference would not have happened.
To wisely understand the Fa, one must steadfastly study the Fa. Regrettably, I did not study the Fa very much after I had been detained. And after a long time, I still could not break through and become diligent. Thus, I was arrested again in 2002. Because I could not maintain a righteous mind when I was arrested in 2000, I had developed an attachment of fear. Yet, I still believed that I had to clarify the truth. Though I still had fear and human notions, I produced truth-clarification materials at home using a computer. I had a strong notion at that time, that one would be persecuted for doing Dafa work, especially when producing truth-clarifying materials, in which case one definitely would be sentenced to prison. As a result, I was prepared to be arrested at any time.
When a fellow practitioner went astray at a brainwashing center and told the police that I was a Falun Gong practitioner, the police sent me to the brainwashing center, and I actually thought that this was "natural." During my detention, the evil beings in other dimensions projected a voice into my head and told me what to do. With my human attachments, I treated it as Teacher's law body and accepted the evil "enlightenment." I did so because I did not rationally understand the Fa, I did not have a steadfast belief in the Fa, so I could not let go of personal interests and maintain righteous thoughts and actions.
My state did not change until 2004, when I finally woke up from being astray. However, I was very afraid, particularly afraid of making truth-clarification materials since I had been arrested both times for making these materials. Our local material sites had been destroyed, and some fellow practitioners asked me to start a new one. They could discern that I was afraid when they talked with me. Although I was afraid, I thought to myself, "Since you want to read the Minghui/Clearwisdom website, why can you not do so? Why must you ask others to take on the responsibility?" So, I agreed. I no longer had the fear after two days.
"Fear" is also a type of matter. I can feel it as pressure on top of my head. One cannot pretend to be open and dignified when one has fear. When I did not experience this fear, I really felt indomitable. During the period of time in which I did not practice Dafa, I went through some rational thought processes. I felt that I could not live without Dafa, and to do so would be worse than death. To cultivate within Falun Dafa, I should make the effort to truly understand it.
I experienced much interference from other dimensions. For example, I dreamed of being detained at a brainwashing center. Thus, I accepted being detained as a "fact" in my mind. This showed that I only understood the Fa through notions. After I started to understand the Fa based on rationality, the evil beings in other dimensions no longer bothered me in my dreams. I now use the Fa as the standard for right and wrong in all matters. For example, this year, when I first started to help others withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party via the Internet, the evil interfered with me greatly. I dreamed that I was arrested in broad daylight. Everything was so clear, as if everything was happening in front of my eyes. After I woke up, I immediately became afraid.
After one month of Fa study and rationally understanding the Fa, one day I suddenly realized, "Even though I might not be able to do much or did not do too well, Teacher still looks after me. Why should I be arrested? What's the use of being incarcerated? I can do so many things when I have my freedom." Very quickly, the fear disappeared. I felt very light in my heart. Prior, I had the thought, "I am not doing well, I have a loophole, and the evil will arrest me." However, this thought was also the old force's reasoning. I had unknowingly acknowledged the old forces.
Teacher told us to not acknowledge the old forces, thus no matter how many shortcomings we have, we should have nothing to do with the old forces. We cannot follow their reasoning. Falun Dafa practitioners cultivate using only the Fa as the standard.
