(Clearwisdom.net) On January 16, 1999, at a time in my life when I felt hopeless and frustrated, I had the good fortune to learn Falun Dafa. Through Dafa I understood the true purpose of life. I learned that lives are reborn into the world, that my suffering in this life is to pay for the karma I made in previous lives, and that cultivating Dafa is the only way to truly repay my karma and transcend the cycle of suffering. Within one month of cultivating, the 13 different illnesses that I suffered from over the last 17 years all disappeared. I was excited and grateful, as if being reborn. After my husband witnessed the changes in me he also started to study the Fa.
It was not long after finding the true purpose of life and my hope for the future that the persecution against Falun Gong began. My heart sunk with despair. I faced all kinds of harassments, such as monitoring, threats from my work unit and visits and phone calls from the police station. I kept thinking: "Why it is like this? What should I do?" After four months of hesitation, a fellow practitioner reminded me what Master wanted and woke me up. My heart calmed down, and I told myself that I would cultivate firmly to the end. I thought, "I exist for the truth, and I am willing to face 'annihilation of both body and soul' if I betray Dafa." Thus, I began to cultivate amidst the Fa-rectification period.
Under the barrage of evil propaganda and attacks on Falun Gong, and the enormous societal pressure, as well as the overwhelming evil forces from other dimensions, my husband stopped practicing and began supporting the persecution. He irrationally cursed me, interrupted my cultivation and threatened to divorce me. I treated all these with a calm heart and unconditionally looked inward to find my own attachments.
One day in 2000, as soon as I came home from work, my husband told me angrily that our uncle called asking me to stop practicing Dafa after he learned from a higher authority that they would search my home and arrest me if I continued to practice. I responded that I would talk to my uncle when I had time. All of a sudden, my husband started kicking and beating me. He pulled out my hair, and told me to leave.
At that moment my mind was blank, and the beating continued. When I collapsed to the floor, I suddenly remembered what Master said:
"The Great Law is boundless--cultivation all depends on your mind. The master leads you through the door, but cultivation is up to you. It all depends on how you cultivate yourself. And whether you can cultivate, that all depends on whether you can endure, whether you can make sacrifices, and whether you can take the hardship. If you're able to steel your will, no difficulty can block you, and I'd say it'll be no problem." ("The Fourth Talk" from Zhuan Falun).
I quickly looked inward to see if I had done anything wrong. I had not. So how could he beat me without any explanation? I thought it was possibly caused by the karma I had accumulated in previous lives and that I was just paying it back. I did not realize at the time that it was persecution from the old forces. As I looked inward, my husband stopped the beating, and I found it did not hurt at all. I got up and walked over to him smiling, and said, "Don't be angry, all I want is a healthy body and a purified heart. I just want to be a good person. There is nothing wrong with that, wouldn't you say?" We looked into each other's eyes, and he left. I felt bad for him because it was a pity for him to be controlled by the evil. I felt sorry that he lost Dafa and told myself that I should not have any resentment towards him, and that I must still cultivate well.
From that point on my husband was often unhappy and worried, and lost his temper a lot. This situation continued for a long time. It tempered me, and exposed my selfishness.
One day in 2002, he went out and walked 25 miles for no reason. He left at 9:00 p.m. and returned at 9:30 a.m. the next morning. After that, he often went for very long walks, and came back telling me he felt unhappy. Sometimes he would just stare at me looking like he was ready to explode. Mostly, he would not talk for days, filled with frustration towards everyone. His behavior made the whole family very nervous. I felt deeply depressed yet I forced myself to hold my resentment, anger and grievances to myself. The more unbalanced I felt, the more the evils took advantage of my omissions.
Soon my husband felt physically uncomfortable. He had difficulties breathing, and became extremely weak. Two tumors grew as big as eggs on his neck, and he was diagnosed with diabetes. He almost collapsed emotionally, yet I was still blaming him, thinking this would never have happened if he had continued practicing Dafa.
Since he had reached this stage, all he could do was to have an operation. After he was released from the hospital, he was still unstable. I thought to myself: "What should I do? Why does he still behave like this? Why is he getting worse? Where did I go wrong? What is my attachment?" I experienced an intense struggle in my mind. As I looked inside trying to find the root attachment, I opened a Falun Gong book, and with the first glance I read,
"The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts." ("Drive Out Interference" from Essentials for Further Advancement II).
I read the Fa several times and thought that anything that happens around a Falun Gong practitioner is not by chance. Something must be blocking me. When I carefully looked into the depths of my mind, I was flabbergasted.
I was finally awakened. I went down onto my knees in front of Master Li's picture with tears running down my face, "Master, for such a long time I have stayed at the perceptual knowledge of being deeply grateful towards you and Dafa. Every time an event occurred, instead of making judgment based on Dafa, and resolving the issue benevolently, I used an ordinary person's mentality to face the event and argued. I failed to let go of these attachments for such a long time, and I even tried to make my husband comply with my thinking, single-mindedly trying to change him with the mentality of longing for a comfortable home environment. I even asked him to put himself in my shoes. All along I had hidden resentments and hatred in my mind. For such a long time, my mind was filled with selfishness and I was not really cultivating myself. The selfishness had enclosed me and I was dragged and controlled by the old forces along the path they arranged. I deviated from the Fa and did not think about the other side at all."
At that moment, I wiped away my tears and stood up. Righteous thoughts arose in my mind. I finally found my true self. I felt determined to differentiate my own thoughts from interfering thoughts by paying attention to every thought and deed and diligently cultivating forward. I was determined to break through all the barriers and limitations borne of an ordinary person's mentality. At the same time, I also truly understood that cultivation is serious and that I must elevate myself to a rational cognition of the Fa and strictly follow the principles of the Fa. I came to realize that my husband was controlled and persecuted by the dark minions and the old forces in other dimensions. I then decided to send forth powerful righteous thoughts to eliminate all the evil factors, including the dark minions and the rotten ghosts that damage Dafa, and to eliminate the evil factors behind me and my husband. I should face everything with a benevolent heart, and mind minor details, while at the same time having great aspirations. Only after changing one's self can one influence others. I should truly follow Master Li's teaching,
"A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion. With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy." ("Realms" from Essentials for Further Advancement).
Since I melted myself into the Fa by unconditionally looking inside for my shortcomings, cultivating myself, and enlightening to the Fa with a clear mind and with rational thinking, I have become a true practitioner. Since then, my home environment has miraculously changed. My husband finally spoke out about what he was thinking and what he wanted to say. I listened patiently and broke through all the ordinary people's mentalities he was harboring. Based on the Fa, I broke through the confusion and truly achieved "righteous belief," "righteous enlightenment," and "righteous deeds." Experiencing this situation, any life would feel the Buddha-light illuminating everywhere and rectifying all abnormalities, would see the manifestation of the powerful Fa in the human world, and would see the day of a new vista.
Finally, in the beginning of 2003, my husband awakened. One day he had a dream. In the dream someone told him, "Many people are running up the mountain, why don't you go? There are three herbs in the mountain, quickly go there, pick them and bring them back." He then started running up the mountain until he reached the summit. One of the herbs he picked was the Chinese yam (In Chinese, the name of the herb sounds as "Shan Yao"). After picking it he woke up. He told me about his dream and asked me, "What does it mean?" I was very happy at that moment and I told him to read the name of the herb in reverse order. He then read "Yao Shan" (in Chinese, it sounds the same as, "to be benevolent"). I said, "That is right. It is time for you to assimilate to Dafa. The other two herbs must be truthfulness and tolerance." He said, "Yes, precisely."
Since then, Master has enlightened him many times and he has also seen the splendid Falun spinning in other dimensions, seen other manifestations of the Fa, and so on. All these unfolded in front of his eyes. Gradually he completely understood that he originally came to this world for the Fa and therefore has an important mission to carry out. He has stepped onto the bright path of returning to his true origin. During the process of learning the Fa, he truly felt that every time he read through Zhuan Falun, one layer, each time a different color, is removed from a thick shell around his body. The shape of the shell is the same as the shape of the body. In this way he truly understood the importance of learning the Fa.
We are under Master's benevolent protection. Although our paths are different, our destinations are the same. We are the Dafa practitioners of the Fa rectification period, and we are bearing enormous responsibilities. No matter how difficult it is, we need to create our home environment and conditions to do Dafa work. Master Li's teaching the Fa is for all walks of lives, and to rectify anything that is not righteous. From the day we obtained the Fa, Master has entrusted us with the title of "Dafa practitioners of the Fa rectification period," and Master Li continuously pulls us out of the old universe. What should we do in order to be worthy of this title? We must do well the things that a Dafa practitioner should do. Every Dafa practitioner should cultivate well, and truly understand the principles of the Fa taught by Master. In this way we can do better and the environment will also change and become better. We will also be worthy of salvation by Master Li. My husband and I are very grateful. There are no words that can describe our joyfulness. Our minds are filled with such deep feelings!
Category: Improving Oneself
