Shared at 2005 Canada Falun Dafa Conference
(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings Teacher. Greetings fellow practitioners.
My journey in cultivation in Dafa began in the summer of 2001. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was sitting quietly outside on a break, and I was praying to the universe. I was feeling frustrated because I wanted to practice cultivation but I didn't know where to go. I knew there were lots of bad things in the world but I wanted to return to where I had come from. I wanted to practice in one system where I could do it from start to finish. I asked for help and guidance as to where I could learn to practice.
I was familiar in a shallow sense with the idea of cultivation practice as it is taught in Asia. I knew that I was looking for something, but not enough to know where to look. I did believe one thing: that the universe is good, and that if I sincerely asked for help and had the desire to improve myself that I would be given guidance in the true and correct path.
After a few hours, as I was walking to the library I passed a group of people doing meditation in a large common area of the university. I figured that since I had asked for help I couldn't walk away. I thought that even though I needed to examine everything carefully, I needed to step forward because this might be guidance from the universe.
I learned that day about Falun Dafa. I was deeply impressed with how clear and rational these people were. Early the following week I went to learn the exercises and I learned also about how Teacher was doing Fa Rectification. When I heard those words I had an understanding of what they meant. I had studied prophecies from different cultures and different parts of the world for over twenty years. Of course, I couldn't understand things properly, but I did have a sense that this time period was very important and that great changes were taking place in the world.
From a very early age I had always had a sense that I was a guardian of the law, although I didn't know exactly what significance that held until I obtained the Fa and later gained a deeper understanding of my mission in the Fa Rectification.
When the large group of westerners unfurled a banner on Tiananmen Square, I felt that I should also go. In my understanding it was important because as a westerner I knew the police were much less likely to use extreme brutality as they did to Chinese practitioners, and at the same time it would likely have a stronger impact in the international media in bringing attention to the persecution of practitioners. Further, I felt it had a powerful effect in shocking the evil. In mid-February about six months after I began to practice Falun Gong I went to Tiananmen Square to say that Falun Dafa is Good. I was arrested while crossing onto the Square and taken to a station where a number of western practitioners were being held. In total I was held for 29 hours and I was then deported.
Although there were things I could have done better on that trip, I think things went very well. We conducted ourselves with dignity. We showed the people on the Square that day and the police who detained us that Dafa is noble and righteous. In talking about my trip to China with people since then I have often said it was the best thing I have ever done in my life. I feel it was a turning point in my cultivation. After returning from China more and more I gradually began to melt into the Fa rectification.
Soon I became involved with FGM TV and through that with the TV team in Toronto. I attended the weekly TV team study group, and by the late fall of 2002 I began to feel there was a need in Toronto for a proper studio for shooting the various productions.
The first article published by Teacher after I started to cultivate was entitled "Path". In this Fa, Teacher said,
"A cultivator has no role models. The path each person is to take is different, because each person's foundation is different, the sizes of their various attachments are different, the characteristics of their beings are different, their jobs among everyday people are different, their family environments are different, and so on."
While others had their role in creating television programs and various aspects of broadcasting, I had the desire to provide a video studio for the TV team. One day I asked myself: if I have the desire to do something for Dafa, where does that desire come from? The answer that came to me is that the desire is a living entity. And if I have the desire to do something for Dafa, then I must also have the ability with my life to let that desire come to fruition the way a seed will one day blossom into a flower.
On the one hand I had the desire, but I didn't have the money, and I didn't know of any way to resolve this issue. I knew studio space is expensive and any money we did have needed to be put towards buying equipment. I decided that if we were going to have a studio then I would have to pay for it. I had a fair bit of debt from school, a wife and newborn son, and I had a job that was fairly demanding but only paid enough money to cover the bills. How could I pay for a studio in Toronto for the TV team?
I read Teacher's poem "A Righteous God":
"With righteous thoughts and righteous actions
He is diligent without letting up
Eliminating demons that damage the Fa
He is good to all beings"
My understanding of having righteous thoughts was that I should step forward with faith in Teacher. The obstacles that I could see were external. I figured that since everything is reversed in this human dimension the things that seemed like very big obstacles around me were probably very small in reality and the very small and undetected problems in my heart were probably the things that would cause me the greatest difficulties. If I were to be restrained by the things that I see in this world, then I would be stuck within a human mindset. Gods arrange everything in the world, and I believed that if I stepped out with faith in Teacher that the Gods would arrange everything.
I pulled out a picture of Teacher and made a wish that I could provide a studio in Toronto to the TV team for the production of television programs that clarify the truth and save sentient beings. I knew this was the right thing to do. I just didn't know how it was going to happen.
I worked for six months on trying to find ways to put together a studio before it finally happened.
In the spring of that year, May 18, 2003, Teacher spoke in Vancouver, and at the end of his speech he said something that touched me deeply. He said,
"If tomorrow is Consummation, today you still won't know it, and suppose you're thinking about opening a business, then just go ahead and do it. But I'll harmonize everything for you. Don't think about anything! Just do whatever you're supposed to do." ("Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Vancouver, Canada, in 2003")
We had a lot of financial difficulties. I decided that I wasn't going to face them with a human perspective, but instead with righteous thoughts. I knew Teacher was going to harmonize everything. I was going to try to build the business and make sure that video studio stayed open for the TV team.
We were able to turn the business around. At the end of the first year, we had paid back almost all of our debt, although we were still negative by a small amount.
I watched Dafa disciples around me take money from their pockets to do all of the things that we needed to do in the Fa Rectification. Even though many of the things practitioners did were magnificent I felt they were not having as strong an impact on society as they should. In "Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Midwest-US Fa Conference", Teacher said:
"So, for us to not acknowledge anything that the old forces are doing, to not acknowledge the persecution and interference with the Fa-rectification, to have the persecution end sooner, and to walk our own paths, we can't do that without purging this form of interference of theirs, for they want to complete the tasks given to them by the old forces."
I felt our financial constraints as a body of practitioners was definitely an arrangement of the old forces, and those arrangements were being carried out by the dark minions. In my understanding the lack of funds brought us many hardships that prevented us from being able to save more sentient beings. I felt it was important to deny this arrangement and try to do better and better.
In 2004, the company continued to grow and towards the end of the summer I began to feel that we would outgrow the space within a year or two. I began to wonder what we might be able to do if the TV team had a lot more space. We were in a long-term lease and we still faced severe financial difficulties, but I decided not to look at the problems. So I began actively looking for a solution.
Eventually, I found a way and we moved into a larger property. Soon after we moved we faced severe financial interference again. We struggled through until one day I could just see that the head tenant in our new warehouse was going to go bankrupt. If that happened the doors would be locked and we would lose everything in the business and we would lose everything in the video studio in Toronto.
I realized that I had put the production studio in Toronto in a position where it could be knocked down. In my haste to do things quickly I had overlooked details and had not put together things well. In establishing the new TV studio I was busy and didn't communicate what was happening to the TV team. I was also no longer participating in the weekly Fa study together with the team. There were changes to our situation on a daily basis and I think many practitioners found it confusing. There were many problems of miscommunication.
Eventually, I found a new building that was perfect for our needs. The price was high for us, but considering our longer-term needs it seemed to have been arranged for us.
In actuality the process of finding a way to put in a video studio, and then subsequently growing the business and maintaining the TV studio over the past two and a half years has been a very profound cultivation experience for me. Things didn't happen the way I expected, and the business didn't grow the way I had expected it to, but still it grew. We moved the business from 400 square feet to 9500 square feet in two years, and we have moved the video studio from a basement to probably about 3000 square feet in the same period of time. This can only be because Teacher has made all of the arrangements.
I have reflected also on the difficulties of the change from the smaller studio to the larger studio. I pushed with something that I wanted to do, and many practitioners came out to support. I think I caused a lot of problems and created a few situations where there was a lot of uncertainty and a lot of anxiety. Also, a number of practitioners spent a lot of money on building a studio that wasn't used in the end. It wasted money and time of practitioners, which are extremely limited resources and very precious. I can only express my sincere apologies to those practitioners who were involved. I'm sure many of them are here today.
I've wondered if I hadn't made the mistake of moving the video studio into the warehouse, would I have had the ability to see the opportunity to move into the even larger space? It was so big and so much money, I'm not sure I would have considered it seriously if we hadn't made the move to the warehouse. More importantly though it has made me examine myself by asking, Am I really moving at a fast enough pace? Am I really breaking through the barriers in my thinking and in my environment to do all of the things I should be doing?
The poem "The Difficult Path to Godhood" by Teacher reads,
"Predestined relationships spanning endless lifetimes
Each connected by the thread of Dafa
Through hardships the body of gold is tempered
Why such slow and leisurely steps?"
I have been thinking that if I can jump like this and move the studio from 400 square feet to 3000 square feet by applying myself and stepping forward, what else could I do? What else should I be doing? Where am I limiting myself through human thinking that is content to remain in the easy ways and safe ways of doing things? I am thinking about these things now.
Before I finish, I would like to share some of the things I have learned in this process. Please correct me where I am wrong:
1. Though we eliminate interference externally we need to upgrade our hearts and minds and eliminate interference internally. This internal interference can prevent us from grasping the significance of our missions in the Fa Rectification and it can prevent us from being effective and stepping forward or even caring about what we need to do at this most critical time.
2. When we face obstacles that seem impossible to overcome, through doing the three things Teacher has asked us to do, 1) study the Fa, 2) clarify the truth, and 3) send righteous thoughts, we can deny the arrangements of the old forces and follow the path Teacher sets out for us and accomplish our missions.
3. When important things need to be done by cultivators in the Fa Rectification it is not uncommon that we do not have the resources or the things we need. In some cases we face great obstacles or almost impossible circumstances. These are not the way things should be, because in my understanding they are arrangements of the old forces and meant to test the state of our personal cultivation. The effect though is that in the Fa rectification it harms sentient beings by presenting an obstacle to us as we try to save them. Through having righteous thoughts and faith in Teacher, and through understanding our circumstances from the perspective of the Fa we can walk the path that is arranged for us by Teacher.
4. In my understanding not letting go of humanness is a little like swimming out to sea, but not going too far that you can't swim back if you get tired or if it gets a little rough. Letting go of humanness in my understanding is more like swimming straight ahead toward the horizon at full steam because there really is no returning to where we once were. The heavens, the earth, and humanity are changed forever in the Fa Rectification so there is nothing from the past to hang onto. The only true security is in the Fa.
Thank you.
