(Clearwisdom.net)
Teacher said in "Determination:" "Cultivation is your own affair, and nobody else can do it for you. The teacher can only tell you the laws and principles on the surface. It is your own responsibility to cultivate your heart and mind, let go of your desires, attain wisdom, and eliminate confusion." (Essentials For Further Advancement)
Ever since the persecution against Falun Gong started on July 20, 1999, I have failed to negate thoroughly all of what was happening. Instead, I falsely thought that only those who were subject to illegal imprisonment, unlawful forced labor and forced brainwashing could be regarded as the victims of the persecution. I failed to have a full understanding of the mental persecution suffered by those who persisted in their cultivation. I regarded the persecution as a kind of human-to-human unfairness and I simply suffered from it passively.
However, as Teacher said, "The cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the master." (Zhuan Falun) If we genuinely follow the teachings of Teacher, we will be enlightened to the truth in Dafa and we will be able to solve all the problems that we encounter. Dafa is omnipotent. I failed to see through the evil persecution because it didn't come in a mean and ferocious face but was covered with a hypocritical and emotional surface. I am a sentimental and susceptible person and was prone to indulging in personal emotions. Superficially, I studied the Fa, did the Dafa exercises, clarified the truth and sent forth righteous thoughts regularly, but I simply did not feel any improvement in myself. I knew that I was cultivating and I had been persistent in my behavior, but my mind was really unstable.
My parents opposed my cultivation all the way and forbad me from contacting any fellow practitioners. However, it was impossible for me to give up my cultivation. I failed to keep up with the Fa rectification process because I could not communicate with fellow practitioners and take part in the Fa rectification activities. In those days I was stone-faced and did not smile or speak. All kinds of troubles and contradictions came up for me, but I just could not resolve them. I struggled hard without being able to find a way out. At that moment I found a fellow practitioner who was a classmate of mine in the past, and told him about my hardship.
Through our exchanging ideas, I realized that I had not taken my cultivation seriously. As a cultivator, all human thoughts are obstructions like a wall or mountain and are of a selfish nature. Now that I have chosen to cultivate, I should unconditionally believe in Teacher and Dafa, try to remember Teacher's Fa and behave strictly in accordance with the Fa. Only in this way can I ascend from being human to being a divine being step by step. The old forces took advantage of my ultimate attachments to trap me into long-term demonic torment. They created a false image of the strong points of my attachments to trap me inside and to make me indulge in degenerated human emotions. The key reason that I could not break out of the trap was that I had the attachment of being afraid and had a strong self-protecting mentality. As a cultivator, who but Master has the power to protect you? I could easily talk about the belief in Teacher and Dafa, but I just could not put it to use. I failed to assimilate to the Fa. Instead, I tried to single out the parts of the Fa that I found acceptable.
After I found the crux of my problem, I sent forth righteous thoughts to thoroughly negate all the degenerated arrangements of the old forces. Teacher determines my cultivation path. Then I tried to eliminate my attachments one by one. The more precisely I could target my attachments, the more thoroughly I could eliminate them and cleanse myself and the more I could realize.
When I came to understand that the evil spirit of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and Jiang's regime had made use of each other in mutually persecuting Dafa and Dafa practitioners and poisoning the public, I realized that, as a true cultivator, I could not go along with them in their evil deeds. I had joined the CCP simply for the sake of my self-interest, because one has to be a CCP member to get appointed as a government official. Isn't that a strong attachment to personal benefits? Could I go ahead in my cultivation without letting go of such an attachment?
It became clear that cultivation is truly serious, but what I was confronting was a tough dictatorship. I soon realized that I had the attachment of fear. After that, I published a statement on the web declaring that I quit the Chinese Communist Party, the Youth League of Chinese Communism and the Chinese Young Pioneers of Communism. But I did not quit them officially and formally. If I did not quit them thoroughly, people would say that my behavior was inconsistent with what I was saying and they would not be convinced when I tried to clarify the truth to them. There was no way to evade them, and there was only one way to go---quit the CCP openly and formally. Teacher bestowed wisdom on me right at the moment and I truly made up my mind to do so.
Without any thinking, I wrote down: "I have been a CCP member, but after careful consideration, I will no longer take communism as my life's purpose and will quit the CCP immediately." Then I submitted it to the head of the organization department of my company. Upon receiving it, the head was very surprised. He said, "Do you know? Never before has such a case happened among the thousands of workers in our company in the past ten years. You are the first!" I said, "I did this after very careful consideration." He said, "Careful consideration? You are a Falun Gong practitioner, right?" I replied, "Yes." At that moment my mind was very peaceful, no struggling and no showing off. Several times he asked me to take my application back, but I refused. I felt I must do what I wanted to do and what I should do.
In this way I submitted my withdrawal statement calmly. After I went home, I could sense that many bad materials had been eliminated. My hands, from the tip of my fingers to the root of my palms, turned black and purple. It felt like there were two pieces of ice on my legs when I put my hands on them. In the past several years I usually felt cold all over my body. In the following several days, however, I felt so comfortable and relaxed, just like the freezing coldness all over my body had melted away. As a matter of fact, I did nothing on my own part except give up an attachment, but Teacher did so much for me.
It was true that I had experienced much demonic torment and had lost time on my way to cultivation due to my own delays. I shall take time to study the Fa and rectify myself. With my thoughts complying with Dafa, I will try to cultivate my way perfectly and righteously by devoting myself to truth-clarification and the salvation of sentient beings.
